Don't bother trying to defend yourself. There are those there who FLAME BS NO MATTER WHAT!<p>and, there are those that don't. I even had a few stick up for me on one of my early posts there.<p>It is just NOT worth your TIME or ENERGY!!<p>[[[[[[[Sad Sally]]]]]]]

thanks Cali, i was not trying to cause so much trouble especially over on MB, I am sorry if these people come over here and start bad mouthing any of you, I never thought of that when I was lashing out that was selfish of me. I hope this stops now. I will focus on what's really important. Thank you for the Hugs. <p> Sally

Sad Sally<p>I just want to give you a hug. I understand how you feel and I also understand why you went there.
They're in their own little world. They don't see what they are doing as wrong, they only think of themselves. They think we have a holier than thou attitude. Personally, I don't see it. We were married to the man. That to me means off limits. But of course, I'm a BS.<p>Take care Sally. I believe in karma, I really do and have seen it happen many times.<p>Sorry your feeling so down.

To me, if you're going to go there. Be prepared to step into a brothel. The women in the brothel don't want the mens wives there. They don't want to hear what the wives have to say. They're content for today.

Hi Sad Sally,<p>I made my way here from TOW sight. I am currently the OW and am simply trying to find out what to do. I'm searching for advice, personal experiences and am just as interested in what is the "best" thing for all concerned. My A started very slowly as a friendship and seems to be a bit atypical from most that I've read on TOW, but just the same, I should have been more respectful of his marriage, his wife and myself and not let it continue. I am divorced, almost 1 year, and was married 6 years-no kids. My husband, before we married but were living together, had an A and left me for TOW but ended up coming back to me. I should have never married him, but I did and it took 6 years for me to admit it was a mistake. Anyway, I'm not here to talk about me...even though it's too late for that. I'm just here to get a reality check for the damage I'm helping to do to the others involved in my A...his W, their families, etc. I think my MM and his W will eventually split because of lots of reasons...but I'm finally realizing it's not fair for me to be in the middle. It clouds all the issues and who knows, maybe this will strengthen their relationship and they will find a connection they've never had...or maybe they have it and I'm just an idiot for believing otherwise. <p>In case you can't tell, I'm confused, distraught and hurt. And I know, I (in one way or another) brought this on myself, so I'm not asking for any sympathy. I just thought it might help you to know that some of us OW are smart, sensible, caring individuals who just made a huge, unforgivable mistake and are trying to do our best to fix it. I'm sorry for your pain as I know you didn't have a choice in the matter. I admire your courage, hopefully I'll find an ounce of it myself and do the right thing...and soon!<p>[ March 10, 2002: Message edited by: noexcuses ]</p>

noexcuses,<p>Your post touched me. If you read all the responses to sad sally, you would know that it is my daughter who is the OW. As I was reading your response, I was wishing that you were my daughter surching for understanding and truth. <p>You will find that if you are sincere here at MB, you will get support and ansewers. There are already other OW's here who have been helped and who have helped us.<p>Please continue to post. Start a thread of your own and referr to this one. <p>Everyone here AND everyone at TOW are in PAIN. Working together can not hurt if we are sincere.<p>Welcome

noexcuses, your post hit home with me too. i was the one who cheated in my marriage and i struggled with it a lot too. i would come to sites like i.com and read about people hurting from affairs, and it would make me stop for a few days... but then i'd start back up again. it can be really hard to stop, almost like quitting smoking, it's so addictive. you have to be very determined to do it, and it has to start with you. you can't expect anything from mm, if you truly want to move on. <p>i wish you the best of luck, i am so glad you posted here today.

I haven't been to TOW in a long time. When I first learned of it's existance I was drawn to it. It was like a train wreck. After awhile it's pretty much the same old same old. I posted a lighthearted response as far as "what I learned from reading the TOW site" awhile back but I don't know where it is. I'll recap it a little. Basically it's justification upon justification ("If it's love, how can it be wrong?" "God wouldn't have let us meet if we weren't meant to be together"). Wife bad - OW good. MM = selfless saints who just want to "do the best thing for everyone". They love to throw in deep thoughts like "He should his wife free to find someone who loves her as she truly deserves to be loved" and "the children will be much happier in the long run when they see how happy their father is with someone he really loves". Like the MM and the OW are doing this for the benefit of the wife and kids lol. What really made me laugh was about how the MM only lied to his wife (because he HAD TO) but never lied to the OW of course. A lot of them acted like their MM had wings, walked on water and farted hearts and glitter. But in reality they were just garden variety cheaters who threw the OW to the wolves upon discovery and followed the cheaters handbook to the letter. Nothing special, nothing unique, nothing magical. But most of all the lesson that I learned was that men who choose their OW and dump their wives are glorious creatures who only want the best for everyone, they are truly good and wondrous men. Their halos must glow when they enter a room. On the other hand, men who choose their wives are selfish #%#$#@# with no b**ls who don't even have the guts to "do the best for everyone" and abandon the wife to live in eternal bliss with the innocent, heaven sent angel that is his OW.