What the heck is going on? I woke up this morning very distant. I have no desire to be remotely close to my H. I have no idea what's wrong. I was ok last night except it seemed like something was on Joe's mind and he was quieter then normal. I went to bed and woke up like this.. I know
I just blew it. H and I are watching a movie and the lady found out her fiancee had lied to her about being previously married. I said something about "run don't walk away.. I should have". I have no idea where that came from.. What's happening?? Why is this happening now.. again??<p>Well, I'm off to talk to the H..

Dear Hopin,<p>To me, this seems to still be very new to you. You state in your sig line that your D-day was just this past Dec. Well, for some, it can take up to 2 yrs to be in true recovery! You are on, what we call here, the roller coaster ride of your life! You are going to have many ups and downs. Many times, the lows will seem to be bigger than the ups, but it starts to even up as you get further into recovery.<p>Unfortunately, I don't have any actual advice. Just know that these feelings are normal. Come here to vent, and I'm sure there will be others along who will have the advice you need.<p>Tigger4

Thank you Tigger for your reply. I think the movie triggered my feelings on dishonesty. But it shocked me that I said I should have! I haven't had those thoughts in weeks. It's like I'm doubting myself now.

Dear Suzanne,<p>Triggers have that effect on us. You are probably still in the shock phase anyway so all these feelings can overwhelm you. Don't browbeat yourself. Know that it can happen again. A few months back we ran a thread about the things that trigger us. Oh boy that was one long list. <p>Everything bad, bright, normal and beautiful became triggers for most of us. For me, Motel 6 and Yosemite are major triggers. See I received what I thought was a 'suicide' call from H one day (about 1 year ago) and when the police tracked him down he was at a Motel 6 just down the street from where I worked w/OW. It wasn't a suicide call but it sounded like one to me. Well, that OW planned to be there and in some strange way wanted me to know that she and the WS were just down the street from me. I was already headed home to pick up our son from daycare so I was in the opposite direction with no way to go back. I let the police take care of it for me. <p>Anyway, read up and take precautions. Knowledge is power. Check back with your doc if you are experiencing anxiety attacks also. Mine ran daily for about 2 1/2 months.<p>If you need your H to comfort you through all this, let him. <p>Hugz,
L.

Suzanne,<p>Be gentle with yourself. Have you read about the steps in grieving? To recover from the betrayal of infidelity, you will have to work through the grief process. After all, you have lost something precious, trust in your H. Expect both of you to vascillate from emotional highs to deep lows over the next few MONTHS. Expect it. Don't fight it. Have faith that you will work through this and with a commitment from both of you, you can build a new - even better - marriage.<p>Take care,
Estes

Here is Orchid's post.<p>5 steps of grieving<p>Hope it helps.<p>Estes

Orchid And Estes~
Thank you for that post. Unfortunately I know the steps of grieving way too well. I guess I'm grieving again, but this time the loss of a marriage I thought we had. Maybe looking at it like that will help healing. I've been on an anti-depressant for years maybe that's why I don't "feel" depressed. I feel I have accepted the A, but the movie triggered the obsessive honesty I'm looking for right now. Any untruth of any kind sets me off. <p>Stop the ride I want off. Or get me some Dremimen(Sp?)so I don't get an upset tummy. <p>Thanks again to Tigger, Orchid and Estes.

I realize that my giving advice to you on grieving was unintentionally insensitive. I'm sorry, Suzanne. <p>Love,
Estes

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Estes49:
<strong>I realize that my giving advice to you on grieving was unintentionally insensitive. I'm sorry, Suzanne. <p>Love,
Estes</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Estes.. Insensitive?!? Where? I should start using smily more often. I was just repeating my thoughts.. I never thought to think of this whole thing like the grieving process. NOW, I know somewhat what to expect.<p>Once again, I didn't take your post in anyway insensitive. Here's a little "joke" in our house, everyone puts my snacks up high, where they'd normally go if I was walking. Why do they do this?? Well they forget I'm disabled! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] Now there's one heck of a compliment.. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] Guess it's how a person looks at it.

Dear Suzanne,<p>Grieving with an A according to many who have been through other types of crisis (ie: death of child, parent, friend, loss of job, even previous divorces, etc.) sometimes is said to be worse. WhY? I am not sure but it has been mentioned several times even here. <p>You have your wits about you, that is good. This is a sharing, caring and venting place. What an unusual combo but it works for many of us. <p>Eventually you will reach the acceptance satge. I am going to share another viewpoint and that is you are in a better position with your M than many here. You and your H are on better terms and the same side of the fence than many of us. So that is good but also you will feel the pangs of recovery quicker and not trust it as much. <p>Keep reading here, some of our other experiences often make us glad we are able to deal with what we have not not others. Many here have diffidcult situations. That is why this board is such a good support area. Always helps us learn to make lemonade out of life's lemons. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.