My x-H's OW silcone implants had leaked years ago and now she has alleged multiple ailments. One of them being Minier's syndrome (vertigo attacks) which she effectively used and uses on my H for attention seeking when he was fence sitting. When an epidsode happens she states her vertigo is going out.<p>So ..... this week-end I have OC #1, he is not related to OW but the last 2 mos OC stayed with OW and my x-H (OC's mom was in a treatment center).<p>Friday night I put OC to bed, we say prayers and kiss him good-night. About 20 mins later he comes down stairs and tells me he is dizzy, that his VERTGO is going out. I held him for a while and talked a bit then 20 mins later he was just fine. Put him back to bed and he fell immediately to sleep.<p>Ry (OC #1) is always having to compete with OW and her children for x-H's attention. I fear he is learning some very manipulative behavior from OW .... <p>Does anyone have an opinion or advice regarding this. It really concerns me. Ry is a beautiful, smart, loving child ... I worry about his future so much.<p>Jo<p>[ March 10, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Hi Jo - we're all armchair shrinks to some extent, aren't we?<p>I can't remember how old Ry is, but I have a general idea and I think what you're seeing is, at least, imitation of OW. All kids compete for attention with others in their circle as well as learning from them. So, if OW is manipulative, he may learn that from her, I guess.<p>Just MHO.<p>Dave

Thanks, Dave. Ry is 9.<p>I'm contemplating telling his mom of this, do you think that's a good idea? I don't know what it would accomplish ... <p>If it were up to me, I'd be taking Ryan to regular therapy, he has been thru so much. I'm sure ALL of this is VERY confusing to him. <p>Jo<p>[ March 10, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Hi Resiliant,<p>I would think that the young man in question is in need of some stability in his life. From your description of the situation, he is probably seeking attention as he has seen it dispayed by the adults in his life, in this case your X's new "friend". Does the child have any positive roll models in his life (besides yourself)? You mentioned his mother is in a "treatment centre", is this a usual occurance in the child's life?
Sorry for the intrusional questions, I am just trying to get an idea of the big picture, before making any suggestions.<p>I am not in anyway a shrink, but I have dealt with a number of children (including my own twins) that have been damaged by the aftermath of divorce/split ups/affairs and the like. I think any kind of councelling you could get for the child would be of great use. I know in my son's case, Big Brothers was a god-sent, as was some good school councellers and friends. Of course one of the greatest healers is time, but that can also serve to amplify problems that might be better being dealt with now.<p>I await any further information, Respectfully

Jo,<p>First off, let me tell you what a kind person you are, and in case anyone hasn't hugged you today for being so nice, allow me to be the first.<p>(((Jo)))<p>Because of [censored]'s accident the kids have picked up a few attention getters. My Chris will come and tell me he has aches and pains if he needs a little extra TLC. My Amanda, who turned 4 on Friday big girl!, will tell me that she thinks she needs an ice pack or will ask me to do PT to her. The shrinks over here assure me that this is completely normal behavior. When they see an adult behave a certain way and get a certain reaction that they desire they remember this and repeat it. <p>Now, they tell me that I should be aware that this behavior is normal, but should be addressed. So, when the kids have their little vertigo attacks I am to reassure them that I will take care of whatever they need, and that all they have to do is ask for the attention or love or whatever. <p>When Chris comes to me with his ailment of the day, I tell him that little boys don't usually have a bad back, and that if something on him hurts he needs to tell me what it is. If he tells me something hurts that is his father's pain I cannot help his pain. <p>When Amanda tells me she needs an ice pack I ask her if maybe it isn't an ice pack she needs, maybe she just wants to sit on my lap for a while or cuddle on the couch with me and a Barney movie.<p>Although the behavior is normal, it does not necessacarily need to be reinforced. <p>You did the right thing in holding him. <p>I might remind him that vertigo is something that OW has, and is not usually something little kids get, and if he needs some love he will always get it just by asking you, and hopefully they will love him too when he needs it.<p>I would let x and ow know that maybe he needs a bit of extra attention, and hopefully they will catch on. <p>I wish I were as strong as you. <p>Elizabeth

esilient <p>All kids do this sort of thing. STL's XW has had pneumonia a couple of times in the last 2 years. At Christmas she was hospitalized for yet another break down. Told the kids that she was in the hospital for pneumonia. <p>For the last two years, my step son has had an imaginary case of pneumonia. Of course the only time it bothers him is in the morning when he is supposed to get up and go to school and when he wants sympathy as in “my step mom is a b**ch because she expects me to (take your pick… go to bed, clean his room, do his chores). Then he is too sick, wants sympathy and a cup of tea would do nicely too. My son does similar things. <p>I have found that the best way to handle it is make the ‘cure’ worse then the disease. For example, obviously a boy how has pneumonia certainly must stay in bed. His life is at risk. He cannot watch TV, play computer games, go out with friends, go to dinner with the family, and so on. Quiet days of bed rest, a little reading, light soup dinners and tea are just about all he could possible tolerate if is that ill. So I give them the pampering any sick person would need. But I also enforce the rule that people who are sick need bed rest and quiet.<p>Now what do you think the medical care/cure is for someone who has vertigo attacks is? Don’t you think they will need to be very quiet, stay in their room? <p>I do think that his mom should know of this ‘illness’ and if the two of you enforce the same manner of handling this, he will drop it, at least in your homes.