Resilient~<p>In a post below to VenusEnvy you posted this.....<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> Please remember to not DISS OW in any manner or form, he can diss her all he wants, but don't agree, just listen. <hr></blockquote><p>Why? What is the purpose behind not dissing or agreeing with him dissing the OW?<p>Thanks,<p>selket

Think of how a teenager functions. Your teen daughter I dating the town punk and she thinks he’s WONDERFUL. You know what he really is – bad news. Now if you diss him to her, it will drive her towards him. She will feel an obligation to protect him.<p>If on the other hand you grow a great affinity for town punks, complement his every move, invite him over for dinner 7 nights a week, have your H invite him to go fishing and do home projects with him, what do you think will happen? The punk might think it’s great. He might actually have something in him where he appreciates you and your H. He may be flattered. But your daughter will be appalled. She picked him to be rebellious. How can she rebel if you are accepting the punk?<p>Another analogy that comes to play here is that it’s ok for me to diss my family. They are my family. But when my XH did it, I did not appreciate it at all. They are my family. If he disses them, he is dissing me. In many ways if you diss the OW, you say dissing you H’s choices. You may not like his choice but it was his choice.<p>I am not suggesting that you invite OW over and become her greatest fan. Though if you did it, he would be appalled. What I am saying is that if you diss her, you will be driving him to protect her. <p>Another reason is that you will always want to be better then that. <p>Hope this makes some sense.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by selket:
<strong><p> <p>Why? What is the purpose behind not dissing or agreeing with him dissing the OW?<p>Thanks,<p>selket</strong><hr></blockquote><p>It makes the WS feel like DEFENDING the OP and prevents him from seeing any bad in the OW. It's better to let any hard feelings about the OW come from the WS himself.