I am in the middle of an affair, and I think I am in love with this person. My husband is a good provider, and loves me and my family, but we got married when I was a teenager, and I don't think I knew what love was at the time. I have 2 kids and I don't want to destroy their life. But I love this person and I can't continue this double life much longer or I will go insane.

Of course you think you're in love. People involved in affairs always do. But please remember that about 5% of affairs lead to long term relationships. My H was also "IN LOVE" with my former best friend when they had an affair. The result? We were separated for almost a year, he almost lost his business, his marriage, his respect, etc. She moved on (big surprise, she cheated on H #1 with H #2, both times less than a year into the marriage.) He had to face her H who had been his best friend. <p>We eventually got back together after MUCH counseling. He now says he did NOT love her, it was 100% obsession and he can't believe the things he did. At the time, he like you also felt that he never loved me, didn't know what love was, etc. But that of course was ridiculous. He's extremely grateful that I stuck by him and our marriage, went to counseling to work on myself, etc. <p>I will hurt over this for the rest of my life. I will NEVER trust friends completely like I used to. I will always feel that they both used me to have their fling. <p>By the way, Dr. Phil says "What they do with you, they will do TO you." That is so true. I've seen it time and time again. Do you really think your lover will only be faithful to you? <p>I am sorry if I sound harsh. I don't mean to be. But I hope you will get the help your marriage needs. Read the information about emotional needs and see what's missing so your husband has a chance to help you. Also, if you really want to save your marriage and prevent future affairs, you can't have true intimacy unless your H knows. It's hard but believe me, the lies are even harder for the betrayed spouse to deal with. Good luck

jandaaz,
I don't have long, but wanted to say hello and welcome. If you are truly wanting help, there's plenty here. You owe it to your husband and kids to figure how this happened, and try to make your marriage work. it can a happy and fulfilling marriage. You WILL have to decide between them. You can't have both. <p>For starters, read everything you can on the Marriage Builders web-site. The Basic Concepts, and the Q&A Columns. <p>Another good place to start is the recent threads to and from "mmseekingadvice". Read the advice given to him. There's 3 threads - find them. "reality", "mmseeking advice... come in here please", and "trapped by heart" here --> http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=016112 It has great advice on it. <p>In the meantime, give us a few more details, k? How long have you been married? How long has the affair gone on? Have you read any of the articles and information on the MB web-site?<p>[ March 10, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>