Hi!
It's been 3 and a half weeks since my discovery of WH's EA/PA (he said there was no sex, but plenty of kissing, etc.). We have been to the marriage counselor once together, and each separately. We go back together tomorrow, which by the way is our 19th wedding anniversary. As a BS, I have tried to plan A all the way, and have done well, except for a few mess-ups. WS was very sorry for betraying me, but has a terrible time of talking about it. Sometimes he even starts griping and being critical of me, and how I've been in the past (I know I haven't been perfect, but I've been faithful to him). I thought he would be 100% loving, and sorry and on his knees , but I can't even get him to talk about it, or read any of the books the counselor suggested. Is this normal behavior, and when will he start to respond to my love and kindness? This hurts so bad!
Please respond, I need your encouragement!
KK

I am so sorry that you are going through this.<p>From your story it sounds like you are doing everything right.<p>However know that 1. your spouse will probably not tell you that your plan A is working - you will know that it works only if your WH(wayward husband) decides to work on your marriage and give up the affair.<p>Three weeks, unfortunately is not very long to do Plan A and expect it to work. Plan As usually last 6mos. because the WH is so deluded that it is hard for them to see lasting changes unless they see these consistent changes over many months.<p>Your husband's behavior is not abnormal and uunfortunately ,any WH's are not remorseful or choose to come back to the marriage right away.<p>The best thing to do is not to beg or pled for his return. Don't force relationship books on him. Just read everything you can about Plan A and Plan B - read Surviving an Affair and print out the questionaires from this site about Emotional Needs and Love Busters and fill them out as if you were your WH, and then cut out the LBs and try to fulfill his ENs.<p>There are a few posts you should read. Scroll down this board until you come to a Welcome post by Orchid and a post entitles Marriage Builders by WilliamJ. They should lead you to a better understanding of the MB principles. <p>You are in for a rollercoaster ride for sure that may last many months. Get yourself a support system in place- friends, family, God, priest/minister, counselor etc. You will need them all at this time in your life. Try to take care of yourself and take it one day at a time. <p>Please continue to post here with questions. We're here to help. K