Y'all are probably getting a little weary of all my questions, but this Plan B stuff is so new, just need a little help with some of my feelings. So, here goes, questions directed at those of you actively in Plan B.<p>How long have you been doing this, and have there been any signs that the WS is starting to reconsider what they are doing?<p>Do you ever regret going to Plan B, or is this better than the blatant disrepect and pain that the WS puts us through?<p>How hard is it to continue Plan B? anyone ever fall off the Plan B wagon? How many have given into WS's calls to get back together?<p>Any Plan B success stories out there, by that, I mean those who went to Plan B and then have successfully restored thier marriage.<p>I know, its only been a few days. I feel pretty good about what I have done, but it doesnt seem to help the lonliness and emptyness that I feel. Guess that will take time.<p>Today I heard Queens "Somebody to Love" on the radio- oh how those words ring true for me. How I could use someone to love, and who loves me back.<p>Just some late night ramblings from a lonely ol' man.

Hi LHS,<p>1. 36 years....don't qualify as 'ol man' status. LOL!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>2. Used plan B first time in March 01. WS asked to come back mid April 01. Several false starts. Only noticing hope now.....March 02. Hm.....kinda makes you wonder?!?!?!?!<p>3. I don't regret it. In fact what I do regret is not doing it sooner and stronger. <p>Hope you get more replies. <p>L.

How long have you been doing this, and have there been any signs that the WS is starting to reconsider what they are doing?
Since 12/19/01, D is final now. There were never any signs since initiating Plan B.<p>Do you ever regret going to Plan B, or is this better than the blatant disrepect and pain that the WS puts us through?
No regrets. Sure, sometimes I wonder what if I had stayed in Plan A longer, but I just coudn't put up with the lies and his "act" anymore. He kept acting like everything was ok, and overly friendly with me - a "salesman" kinda thing. Plan B protected me from that.<p>How hard is it to continue Plan B? anyone ever fall off the Plan B wagon? How many have given into WS's calls to get back together?
He's never tried to get back to together, but I have slipped somewhat in my communication. But I got right back on track.<p>Any Plan B success stories out there, by that, I mean those who went to Plan B and then have successfully restored thier marriage.
Not me, but I know there are several. You might try a search for "plan B success" and see what you get. I believe K is one that succeeded.<p>I know, its only been a few days. I feel pretty good about what I have done, but it doesnt seem to help the lonliness and emptyness that I feel. Guess that will take time.
hugggggsssss.... yes it will ease up with time. Remind yourself of the tough, stressful conversations you have left behind you. Keep working to let go. Take care of yourself.<p>Hope this helps... it's just my 2 cents. Hope you'll get more.

LHS,
Started planB on Feb.22, came here in a panic
looking for advice on anger at OM(s)and WS. A guy
named Jerry told me 2 planB immediately for my own
sanity. It seems for 10yrs. i was plan Aing with
no knowledge that there was a planA just trying on my own and I was to the point of mental breakdown when I found MB.(thank you God)
So all I can tell you is don't feel guilty b/c
it is not your fault, don't regret making a new
and exciting you. Most of all, at least for me,
set up a support network of people to assist you
with planB. My lil bro came thru for me big time
by picking up,dropping off children and letting me
stay in his secluded little 2bedroom hideaway so I
could find my perspective and learn to handle my
anger and resentment away from people. ya know just have someone in real time to lean on. I mean
MB is a great place to find understanding and support but its no substitute for a real caring friend who will say "LHS you told me not to let you call her". Just stick to your guns and don't dwell on the why of planB but the neccessity of
your planB. My plan B is airtight and has been since the 22nd, she doesn't see or touch me. We
talk children issues over phone. I'm planBing not
to save my dead marriage but to save my self from
myself and to learn how to forgive as i have never been able to forgive anyone who has hurt me.
Have you thought about doing a 180? Are you planBing to save your love for your WW from dying
or is it let her see what life w/out you would be like? MY WW lasted 1 week before she attempted to
find out how I was doing by asking friends&family.
At 12 days she shows up at bros. door looking for
me, wanting to see if we could try counseuling(sp)
(after 4yrs. of me begging her to go).
Man it took everything I had not to run to her
and tell her everything would be alright. It will
take so much out of you waffling on planB it isn't
funny, don't waffle.
This is not advice my friend just my own exp.
thoughts, and personal perceptions laid bare in
hopes that by discussing them I help someone and
maybe find help for myself.

I hope the best for you and pray for your
happiness to once again find its way into your life and heart.<p> Rusty<p>PS. This is my 1st real attempt to see past my
anger and affect someones life positively. My IC
says that by reaching out to offer help intead of
seeking an anger outlet, I'll find my capacity to
forgive. If i find that i'll find the anger,pain,
resentment and hurt will cease to control me and
I will be able to be me again altho it will be a
new me thanks to MB and all of the wonderful people here. so be true to you LHS.

Thanx to all for your thoughts and prayers.<p>I think that the hardest part of this is going to be to put W out of my mind. She has been such an important part of it for the last 14 years, I just cant turn that off. She really was everything to me, we went through hell and back together. I was there for so many good times, and bad, those memories will always be there and there are going to be so many triggers.<p>I know this sounds like I am thinking that the M is over, I hate to think that it is, but there is a little nagging voice in my head that tells me it just might be. The betrayal, disrespect, lies, deceptions, is it just too much, and will W even be willing to reconcile, or will she just let it go, thinking that the effort is just to much. I finally took my wedding ring off today, it was just to much of a reminder of what has happened.<p>I heard Dr. Charles Stanley on the radio giving a sermon on the Apostle Paul. He was talking about how you can not control other peoples actions, how they feel and how they act, you can only control yourself, your feelings and your actions. It was nice to hear that, to be reminded of that. He mentioned that we shouldn't always be concerned about what our current situation is, but to look forward to what God has in planned for us.<p>Are you planBing to save your love for your WW from dying or is it let her see what life w/out you would be like?- I think it's a combination of both, if I continued on like I was, I know I would have lost whatever love I had for her, and the vacuum would be filled with hatred and anger. Its going to be hard to let her know what life is like without me since I have been out of the house for 3 mos now and she really hasn't said anything about it. I know that the last time I was in the house, I looked around and the place was a disaster, I was embarrassed to call it my own. The only need I was meeting was her babysitting need, I would watch the kids when she had appts or needed time alone (usually an excuse to see OM), but I am sure that need is easily met some other way.<p>Something is going to have to give, I just hope it isn't me first. Why does this feel like a game right now, see who can outlast the other?

Some more questions for all in Plan B.<p>Do you ever reach the point where you say 'enough is enough', I wouldnt take back the WS even if they begged me too? And if you do, how to you keep the love alive, its still got to be there, else you would be in Pan D.<p>And, how do you handle the angry WS if conversation is initiated, how do you tell them to stay away for now?<p>Does anyone think that there are differences between the way WS's react to Plan B whether they are a W or an H?<p>[ March 11, 2002: Message edited by: loveherstill ]</p>