OK, here's the deal. I'm recently divorced. My ex left for the OW who is no longer in the picture (they were together about a year and a half). I still feel as if I have unfinished business with her. I've never been able to tell her MY feelings, MY side of the story and the truth.<p>I really, really want to contact her and say "OK, it's time we met for a face to face, heart to heart chat". I met her once while she was with my ex.<p>What should I do? My guess is that you all will tell me to not do this, the past is the past. But, I still turn this idea around in my head.<p>Any pearls of wisdom here?<p>Love,
BB

When you stop to think about what this woman did do you still care about what she thinks? If it will help you get peace, then talk to her. But also stop and think that you are opening yourself up to her saying things to you also. You will not be the only one talking in this conversation. She may try to hurt you with words. I would hate to see you look for peace and end up huring again.<p>Consider the worst possible outcome of the meeting and then decide if you would feel better if that happened. If not, don't do it.<p>Best of luck with whatever you decide.
Sinking

Burning - <p>I can completely understand that desire. I had it as well - and even got to partake in it a little bit. In the end, there simply was not possibly a response the OM could have given me that would have made me feel better. Venting at the OP will not accomplish anything for you. You actually have far more to lose than you have to gain.<p>Think of the possible responses the OW could give you. She could lie about the relationship - making it worse than what it was - thsu create all sorts of doubts and damage to your recovery. She could be mean to you, she could insult you, she could insite you to cause violence on her. She could be indifferent, she could walk away or ignore you, smirk at you, laugh at you...all these things will make you worse off than if you had not met her.<p>My advise is to write down everything you want to say to her. Take it to a counselor or have a friend fill the role of the OP and vent on them. You will get to release those feelings and tell them to someone without putting yourself at risk.<p>You risk far more than you could gain from such an encounter.

Don't do it.<p>Wrtie your feeling out, then burn them or something. <p>Make a doll of the OW & do evil things to it but do not talk to her.<p>more than likely she will only hurt you more. do you really need to find out more details of your X's A? For me at least at this point it would only hurt more.

I know this may sound extremely vindicative, but the Bible says "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord." So I simply pray that the Lord will execute His vengeance on her for ruining the life of one of His children. Read in Psalms. King David repeatedly asked the Lord to deal with his enemies. She is my enemy, but the Lord knows how to exact judgement and punishment more than I do. I leave it up to Him. He'll know the best time, place and way to punish her and he also has the ability to let her "know" why she's being punished. I may never know or see her punishment, but my God keeps His word. I'll let Him take care of it. If she ever repents before Him and becomes a servant of His, then this is the best possible outcome. She won't desire to do these things to others again if she happens to become a Child of the King. So I will be able to rejoice in her forgiveness should she ever ask the Lord for it.

WOW! Thank you! ALL of you! Actually, I knew you were going to say what you did. I think I just needed to hear it. <p>And Jamup, I am going to print out what you posted and put it somewhere where I will see it often. I really need to remember these words. As a matter of fact, my ex husband always says he and the OW (they aren't together anymore) are paying a high price for their actions. <p>I really do not want to give this person the satisfaction of knowing that I still have pain around this. <p>You have helped me so much today. <p>Much, much love,
BurningBright

What unfinished business do you have with her? Your xh made his choice and now you have to make your own, move on. You have your own life and are responsible for your own happiness. I called OW's H, told him, sent one email to her to say my peace, and it made me feel better. What did she care? Not much it wasn't for her but for me. She didn't care about me at all, didn't think I deserved my H since he wasn't happy, or so he told her. Anyway, write a letter to her, but don't send it. Write a novel if you need, then put it away. At some point you will read it down the line and realize that it's not what you would have wanted to share with her after all and you'll be glad you didn't send it. JMO.