Sounds like we may have much in comon. What legal action is the OM in for? Please see my story on Please Help.<p>My wife too is unwilling to talk. If I want to she says why? I almost feel as if her fog has lifted but she still wants to go through with this, is that unrealistic or is the fog really still there?<p>J

JohnC,<p>I didn't have time to read your other post, but I'll respond to this one. I haven't taken any legal action against OM, wouldn't even if I could.
But I named him on my counter complaint and had his phone records supeonaed. I think this shook him up, as he never expected to be brought into this legally. My lawyer may have him deposed if necessary. I'm only doing what I have to to get the truth for my own peace of mind. I'm also fighting for custody, which my lawyer feels I've got a good chance of getting. Regardless of what my chances are, if I fight and lose or don't fight at all, the result is the same for me, so I really have nothing to lose.<p>When I have a chance to read your other post, I'll respond.<p>sad dad

Here's the link to JohnC's story, for anyone that can lend a thought or two. <p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=016225

johnC,<p>I read your other post and will respond in the morning. Take care.<p>sad dad

JohnC,<p>Our stories are very familiar. About 16 months ago, my W told me she was unhappy and blamed me for most of it. I bought into it, beat myself up pretty bad and blamed myself. I realize now that her unhappiness goes much deeper than me or our marriage. <p>About 10 months ago, I found out she was involved in an EA with OM. Don't know if it ever became a PA. She never admitted anything, even in the face of considerable proof. She has never indicated any desire to save our marriage, but I hung on hoping the A would die out. She filed for D 11/04 on the grounds of mental cruelty, the "catch-all" of grounds. I counterfiled 12/26 on the grounds of adultery/mental cruelty. Doing so gave me the legal means to get the truth, or at least enough of it to give me peace of mind. She filed for joint custody wanting primary. I filed for sole custody. That really pissed her off and she wants me to change it, but I've been advised by my lawyer not to at this point. She can't believe I'm fighting for custody, thinks I'm wrong and thinks she should get it "...because she's the mother and that's the way it works". Her words, not mine. Talk about fog.<p>Things haven't changed at all since she filed, we are still living in the same house, and she hasn't brought up selling the house in months. Right now, I'm just waiting it out and letting the lawyers do their jobs. I don't want his D, but I accept that it is probably going to happen nonetheless, and I'm OK with that. My main concern right now is my daughter and custody.<p>My advice to you, if you want custody and your lawyer feels you have a chance, fight for it. Since you live in a no fault D state, it may be the only option you have to stall things, let reality seep in and allow your W to see there may be consequences for her actions/choices. <p>If you have time, do a search on some of my old posts, especially the one's addressed to "lifeismessy", they will give you a very good idea of what I've been going through, and how my W has reacted to all off this. Also, I suggest you set up an appointment with Steve Harley. He'll help you come up with a plan and keep you headed straight. Good luck! <p>sad dad<p>P.S. Where are you from?

Sad dad, thanks for the reply. It does sound like we have a lot in common. My wife also seems to blame me for all that has gone on. <p>Most recently she told me that my crying and sad moods were just manipulation to make her feel guilty. Not sure how you convince someone that the pain you feel is real and that crying is sometimes about the only thing you can do. Not sure if you have the same but it is physical pain in my heart as well as emotional pain and sorrow.<p>Just curious, why do you say that you would not take legal action against the OM even if you had the chance?<p>I am in DSM Iowa. Where are you from?

JohnC,<p>I understand the crying and pain your are in, but you've got to shield her from that. Right or wrong, if she sees that as manipulation, it's an LB. Also, she won't want to come back to a man who seems emotionally week, not that you are, but that's how she'll see it or justify what she's doing. Put on a strong exterior, even if you're dying inside. Right now she won't care about the pain your in, so trying to convince her of it is futile. I was where you are, but you get past it.<p>"Just curious, why do you say that you would not take legal action against the OM even if you had the chance?"<p>I just don't see a point to it. He owes me nothing. Sure, it could make him run, but I don't want my W back because he bailed. I want her back because I was her choice.<p>I'm from Chicago. If you want, post your email address and I can give you my phone # so we can talk some time.<p>sad dad

Thanks sad dad. email - john.cordes@pioneer.com<p>I know I am probably doing too many LBs but so hard to live with someone you are devoted to yet turns their back on you in such a way.<p>I pray for strenght all the time. Some days are ok others not.<p>JOhn

Hi John! I'm not any of the ones you addressed this post to, but saw that you were from DSM. I grew up and went to college about 50 miles from there and visited DSM all the time when I was in the area. Small world, huh??