I'll keep posting each Monday or Tueday because I need the encouragement from you good folk. Had a few LB's this weekend, mostly with my DD's. I believe my sexual frustration level has alot to do with it. (I've been totally abstinent since 12/16/01 and haven't had SF with wife since 7/15/01) My wife is beginning to kiss me and a little touching, but thats it. So I take many cold showers. <p> [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>My wife didn't appreciate my anger with the DD's and let me know it. I didn't hold my tongue and we had a few blowups. Of course, I apologized, but I also explained my feeling that I fear whenever we fight she compares me to OM, and that she always has a "back-up plan" waiting for her. She maintains that this is not so.<p>We had one deep relationship discussion, where my wife explained that she has made a decision to try to make our marriage work. I asked her what she is doing towards that end, since she isn't following any plan of recovery and hasn't stopped talking to OM. She said she has pretty much stopped talking to him. I asked if he ever calls her and she said yes. I asked if I should tell him to stop calling her and she said that will be her responsibility. No commitment to do it however.<p>Last night, I asked her "Where is the love? I don't feel it so it must not be there." (pretty stupid, immature and impatient, right??)<p>She replied that I'm not looking very hard, that alot of progress has occurred on her part, but that if it isn't accoridng to my timetable, I refuse to see it. She was right of course. I have to take it slow, and cherish what I do get.<p>We went to bed with tender kisses; very, very postive. She said "I love you" this morning.<p>Bottom line: I still have alot of fear. Fear that I am being played. Fear that OM will never bow out of picture. Fear that he will seduce her away from me. Fear that I can't live up to her expectations. Fear that the love for me will never return to her heart.<p>But I have a list of bromides from my favorite philosopher: Ben Stein. The top of the list is:
"Fear underlies all of my problems."
# 2 is "I may not be much-but I am all I think about"
And the final one is "When the tape of self-hatred and fear of imminent doom and self-loathing plays in my head, why not take it out and put in a better one that sings, "I am in God's hands-Be Still and Know that He is God."<p>God Bless.<p>[ March 11, 2002: Message edited by: Boppo57 ]</p>

Hey Boppo... I can't post much... today is end of trimester and grades are due...<p>Sounds like you are doing okay... <p>Time, Patience and Consistency will pay off... and I know its hard... but the less 'relationship' talk the better [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] ...<p>You will feel recovery either way when you release the fear... 'cause YOU WILL BE OKAY... whether your marriage survives OR NOT! That is the bottomline of plan A and plan B... <p>Keep up the good work!<p>Cali

Bumping for more feedback.

^^^bump for Boppo^^^

Sorry that I did not post sooner. <p>You asked for some encouragement, here it comes. All in all it looks like you are hanging in there OK you just need a push in the right direction.
Stay away from the comments about the OM and the relationshop talk. Do not bring the OM into your home. Do not give him that power. You are working to be a better Boppo, forget him. <p>Talk about the relatinship seems to bother her still. Don't initiate this kind of talk, and if she does watch her closely and if she gets uncomfortable, drop the discussion. Nothing good comes from a conversation that one of the parties does not want to be a part of. <p>It looks like you are making strides in the right direction. Hang in there, you will be fine. You are getting stronger and you are doing a good job. Keep meeting those needs, keep away from LBs and keep smiling. <p>Be strong.
Sinking