I have read every book I can find on surviving affairs, including the Harley's. Each suggest that recovery is only possible with complete separation of the WS and OW. My problem is that my husband his OW work together in a very small office -- 6 people. Neither is in a position to just up and quit their jobs. They still work together. The field they are in does not offer a whole lot of opportunities right now. My WH has indicated that he has stopped all PA but I have to believe the EA is still there because they see eachother every day and he has admitted to some long talks to end things/understand things. I am trying really hard to plan A from a distance -- my WH has moved out to an apartment, but I am finding it hard to keep my cool in this situation. He says he is confused and needs time to sort things out. I think he has a desire to work on our marriage, but is certainly addicted to the OW. I am sure his co-workers suspect, but I've never asked them outright if they know even though I work with them also (different organization, but joint projects).<p>What should I do?

I just wanted for you to know that there are people who ARE reading your post.... don't feel shy about bumping yourself.<p>Basically, it comes down to the fact that YES, your H IS in a position to just up and QUIT. At some point, he has to decide what is more important, his MARRIAGE or his job. To any sane and forthright person, that choice is easy. Maybe he'd have to find work in another field, maybe he'd have to go back to school, maybe he'd have to TRY....but he could quit, if he so chose. That's what the Harleys call extreme measures.<p>He is right about one thing though, he needs time. In the meantime, do what's right for YOU; take care of YOU!<p>God bless,
Kev

I'm not sure I know how to bump myself up (I'm new to this)

I really feel that to heal make a commitment to healing your marriage, he can't work with her anymore. Period. No contact means just that. Yes, it's hard. My H's business almost went under to his affair with an employee, the wife of his partner, my former best friend. He finally realized the counselor was right when she said if you want your marriage, have absolutely NOTHING to do with the OW. I thank God everyday that he finally listened! But we were separated 9 mos.

Dear unsure,<p>He needs to see the need to remove himself from this painful situation. The company may need to make that decision for them if it is affecting the business. In a small office like that 1 person can make a big impact. Affecting company moral and all. <p>As for you, read and wait. Patience was not one of my virtues but I still had to learn to cultivate it. <p>While you wait, listen and learn. Then you will know when to put your info to work. Keep reading and posting here. It helps past the time and you will learn a lot. Even help others if you can. For me that was a form of therapy. <p>L.

If his IC isn't suggesting this and he isn't coming to this conclusion (complete separation from the OW), what am I supposed to do? I assume from what I've read that I should try and plan A from afar (he calls every night and we try and do something fun once a weekend). Or should I go to plan B? I am just so confused. I know they have to see eachother everyday and he is an addictive personality (has had other addictions). I guess there is nothing I can do -- I can't make somebody do something. I just wish he'd fall on his head and wake up and see what he's doing. He could lose his job anyway having an affair with a junior employee. I have to work with others in that office and I cannot bear to call because I might have to speak to the OW. My boss or my secretary call first and get the person I want so that I don't have to go through the pain.

Can you speak with Steve or Jennifer here at MB? They do phone counseling session and are in a better position to help you. We spoke to Steve and he is very easy to speak with. <p>L.