This isn't really affair related but thought a few folks here could help.. H and i just got back from MC. I'm married to a chronically depressed hubby. Come to find out he's been harboring the excessive guilt of his sisters drowning back in '83 when he was 10. His sister drowned in a creek as his parents was sitting in the car! He blames himself for not saving her [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Then in '97 when we had our car accident seeing me hooked up to the tubes brought all that back to the surfice. He doesn't realize he possibly has been suffering from depression for at least 5 yrs if not the entire 20 yrs since the drowning.<p>He's still dead set against individual counceling, but I might beable to talk him into anti-depressants. At least the anti-depressants will help with the mood swings, outbursts, and such. Is there anything I can do to help him? I pray if we get the depression in check he'll beable to see everything more clearly...<p>Thank you my friends for giving me somewhere to work all this out.<p>Suzanne

Howz about you setup a phone counseling session for you with either Jennifer or STeve? Do it while he is around and see if he listens in? My H was against counseling also. We have a M counselor but he is far away and STeve H. H went out and found another one and visited once. WEll it is a start. don't give up yet, yes he does sound like he has a lot to deal with but you are there to help, that is a big plus!!! <p>L.

The anti-depressants would be a great start. Once he has been on those about a month he might be able to look at individual counseling in a different light.<p>If he is doing the marriage counseling with you, maybe you can kind of turn it gently into some individual counseling. When we were in marriage counseling we met 2 weeks in a row together, then we would each have an individual appointment with the same counselor the 3rd week, that gave us a chance to talk to the c without having the other person toss in their 2 cents, and it was even sometimes nice to talk with a person that was trusted about non marriage issues.<p>If you have a family doctor they are pretty good about doing a little shrinkage on the side too. If he is going to get some meds, he will need follow-ups, and maybe the doc can schedule out a bit longer appt than the usual 15 mins. This could get him into the habit of talking with someone trusted and maybe the doc knows someone that your h would feel comfortable seeing on a regular basis.<p>Is there a specific reason that he refuses to have individual counseling? With all that you guys have been through it really is a good idea for him.<p>Elizabeth

Orchid~ I'll get ahold of Jennifer or Steve in the AM.. I never thought about contacting either of them.. There soooo busy helping others.<p>justthewife~ Yea, he is going to MC with me. He talks as little as possible. And today he even got very defensive with our T. I felt very bad for him, but upset at the same time cuz he started shutting down. <p>I'm hoping he'll agree to IC once meds (calling for an appointment for those in the AM too) help the depression fog rolls out. I have no problem giving up a few sessions a month for his individual counseling. I feel his previous treatment of me was a cry of help to a point, he was lashing out to the person closest to him... me.<p>I really dont know why he is against IC. When asked he says "he has nothing to hide from me.. Anything he says he can say in front of me." From day 1 I have always been the strong, unsinkable one in our relationship. I dont know if I'm like a saftey net for him or what. <p>He gets off work early tonight maybe he'll feel like talking a bit before bed. He usually wants to talk after our C sessions.

I gotta get this darn kid to bed, but one last quick thought.<p>[censored] always felt weird going to counseling by himself, and especially since his accident when he doesn't like it because of his brain injury, which gives him memory problems. I went to his shrink time with him for quite a while after the accident. Why not offer this to him? If he has nothing he wants to hide, maybe he just needs the support of a friend in the room with him. Therapy is tough, and maybe he might deal with it a little better if he had your help.<p>GOODNIGHT, really I mean it this time!<p>Elizabeth