I still think I am right though about getting some professional help before he tells her. Can you just imagine being her?<p>Absolutely.<p>I can understand why you disagreed with my point of view, but before you tore me apart (and did a very complete job of it) <p>Mea cupla. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I went off half-cocked - mostly due to having tried to help MM for the last two weeks or so.<p>My apologies.

I read this:<p>Dear justthewife:
Thank you for a voice of sanity.<p>This says it all........when justawife was agreeing with this guy, she was the only sane one here......<p>Okay......if you ARE still reading here, fella, consider this......that woman, whom you covet and think of as an angel and totally innocent in this, may get it into her sweet little head to file sexual harassment charges against you, (FULLY justifiable, from what you say here) since YOU always do the instigating, and she just lets you have your way.<p>I, for one, truly hope she does.<p>You want help? Read and react to the good advice you are getting here, or go to glorybe...okay it is for women who are having affairs, but men post there too.<p>Nina<p>[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: Nina too ]</p>

I WAS the WS and the BS both at one time. After two hard years of IC and MC we are recovered.<p>I worked with the OM, and yes, I thought it would be ok not to tell and to also continue working. Supposedly my affair had ended..ha...(not true since I continued to see him every day). I thought about him constantly. That is why I had to tell...it was eating me up. It was NOT fun, very painful...but, it eventually got us on the road to recovery. It took me a while to decide to tell....and way longer than that to decide I had to quit my job. Both were the best decisions I ever made (looking back now).<p>Personally, business or not, I don't think she should be calling you on your way home to discuss work. This is a classic affair symptom...Deal with business and details AT WORK. You should be focusing on your wife and leaving work behind on your way home.<p>[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: Susan ]</p>

Doing what's right only counts for much when it goes down hard and tastes lousy.

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by mmseekingadvice:
<strong><p>I can tell you -- you are preaching to the choir. But to those of us still in the fog, or whatever you want to call it, the all-knowing, one way or the highway approach simply does not work.<p>I wish you all the best. Thanks for the help.</strong><hr></blockquote><p>You mean you don't want it to work because you already made up your mind to continue to lie to your wife and withhold vital information from her. The truth is that you have relentlessly tried to garner support for your cockamamie ideas about marriage to no avail. Someone mentioned that you did this on AOL forums and when you didn't get the desired answer, you left in a huff. <p>That, my friend, is called insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again but expecting different results. <p>You then talk about preaching to the choir when then is exactly what you are attempting to do - you are desperately looking for a choir to place a stamp of approval on your predetermined decision. <p>The truth is that you are not looking for the truth or a sane, rational, effective resolution to your problem from experienced people, but for approval for a predetermined conclusion. You didn't get that much wanted approval so you are mad and leavin in a huff. You don't want to face the consequences of your damaging behavior and have constructed a web of inane excuses and rationalizations to achieve that. <p>So the big question is this: if you have already made up your mind about what you will do, then why in the world do you need anyone's approval? You are a grown man. Just take responsibility for your decisions, do it, and just move on.

Interesting situation you have gotten your self into there mmseekingadvice!<p>Please allow me - a WS - (as you requested) to offer some advice I wish I) could have gotten before hand...tell your wife.<p>End the A if you want to keep your marriage and the next step - to keeping your marriage alive for the next 50 years is to fess up your activities. You both you be forced to face the real issues surrounding the problems in your relationship. Sometimes it works...sometimes not. But to not tell BS, and to go one will leave you without a resolution to the lack of meeting your own EN and without any learning about the BS's EN.<p>Understand that this advice I offer - is a better solution than the one that blew up in my face.
See my link at: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=001404<p>The OW told my BS about the A - while I was out of the country for 2 weeks, then the two got together and hung out for a day chatting up about all the lies as the OW did not know aboub the BS! <p>Let me assure you that that was a big bomb! If I had ended it and told my spouse about the A - there would have been much more hope for our marriage. <p>Remember, once your into it - it gets tougher and tougher to pull out of the relationship nose dive. <p>Learn for yourself - but know that some here have been there - and wish we had not. Best of luck!