Sometimes I wonder where all this is going to end. How much more will I be able to tolerate. How much more will I be able to take.<p>Last night my 9yo D was so sad. She asked me whether I will sleep with her and even though my therapist adviced me not to do this I just felt at the time that she needed me. She need me to show her the love and affection.<p>She is a very quite girl and it takes time before she will open up about anything so I did not push her to find out why she was so sad. <p>Aparrently, she was sulking on Saturday whilst with WS and OW and her Dad took her aside and wanted to know why she was sulking. She told him that she dislikes OW. He wanted to know the reasons why she did not like this women. She told him "I cannot give you any reasons but I just don't like her" He then told her to stop sulking. This upsetted her tremendously.<p>I told her that today she must write down all the reasons why she don't like OW and put it in an envelope. This is to free her mind. WS on the other hand think that I am the one that is making my children up against OW. Yes, I did soon after D-day but I have stopped all that as my therapist advised me to do and he also told me that children are very good judges of character and they will decide for themselves whether they like OW or not. So, I thank God for not having a part in this and that my children decided for themselves.<p>You might ask why are you still sending your children to spend alternate weekends with WS. My children and WS have a very strong bond and my DD's want to see him and be with him. But I have noticed that as the time is passing that bond is starting to crumble and until such time that DD's feel that they have had enough and they don't want to see their dad any longer I can only pray for God's angels to protect them whilst they are with him.<p>We also have legal agreement whereby I must send the children to him every alternate weekend.<p>As there is no contact between WS and myself and he also does not listen to me I post on this board that if at some stage he comes out of the fog, he will be able to read what we as his family had to endure whilst he was in La La Land.

Dear Ginny,<p>Children are good judges of character. My son at 6 years old asked to write to his father. He wrote a simple 4 sentence letter that cut to the core. My H still has that letter. <p>Let your daughter write what she feels she wants to say to her dad, then if she is willing send it to him.<p>Hope this helps. <p>L.

Thanks Orchid<p>This will help tremendously as I don't want him to think that I am instigating all this. So when she is finish with the letter I will ask her if she would like to give it to him. At this moment she is so scared that if she does anything wrong her dad will stop contact with her too.

Ginny,<p>Not to pick on your therapist or anything, but why does she advise against letting your daughter cuddle up to you and sleep with you when she needs the comfort of the Mother that loves her with her whole heart and soul? Does she have children? <p>As adults we love the comfort and emotional warmth another brings to our bed. Even when we aren't having great distress in our lives, it is just plain nice to have warm toes near you.<p>Why should children be denied the comfort of their parents when they need it most, in the scary darkness of night when the demons creap out from under the bed and from inside our head?<p>I think that you did some wonderful parenting when you assessed and met your childs needs.<p>As we speak my little just turned 4 year old is in my bed, she climbed in with me earlier after asking "Why can't daddy stay to us more?"<p>As far as I'm concerned she can climb in with me any time she wants. And when my 8 year old has a terrible earache there is nothing that works better to get him to sleep than climbing into bed with me, and knowing that I will sing Eidelweiss to him through the night if that's what it takes to give him a little peace.<p>I have a degree in early child development, and am a pretty good mom (pat, pat, pat). I think that you need to do what is right for your children, and if that means that your needy 9 year old spends a few nights cuddling with you then so be it.<p>I have gone on way too long about this, but a quick anecdote for fun considering it is 2:49am.<p>We had a pediatrician named Dr. C. She came very well recommended. She was very knowledgeable about medical issues, and took good care of my son. When I had my preemie daughter in for a 4 week checkup, and I was horribly exhausted from nursing this little thing every 2 hours, she told me it was ok because it was "a good kind of tired."<p>Two years later she happened to be at a gathering for new mothers where I was a volunteer. After the meeting she approached me and apologized. She had repeated this "good kind of tired" advice to many mothers thru the years and now being a new mom herself realized that it was in no way a good kind of tired. It was a bone weary, emotionally and physically wrecked kind of tired.<p>Just my .02<p>Elizabeth