When I posted on the other thread, I think it's Hopefulandsad, I may not have made some things clear. Sorry about that. And, just so you know, I am not trying to ruffle any feathers here. I am just trying to figure out how some people can allow behaviors that no one should have to tolerate. <p>I am a betrayed spouse. My H had an affair that lasted a few years. I have been married for almost 14 years right now. I found out about the affair in Aug. 2000. My H admitted it to me in the heat of an arguement when I asked him if he would love me when I am old. He couldn't answer that question. He just be came really quiet. When I proceeded to push for an answer and asked if there was someone else, he responded that he had a "friend". Well, of course more came out. He told me that it was because we had not had a very good marriage, that we had done too much arguing. I then told him that, despite the arguing, I always thought we had a love that was strong enough to carry us through anything. Boy, was I wrong. Anyway, that is a brief history on me.<p>So, needless to say, I am a believer in rebuilding a marriage despite the hurt of an affair. I believe it can be done. But, I also believe that this monkey-business of sitting idly by while the WS sits on a fence, not being able to decide which way they want to go is very hurtful. It seems to me that if the WS doesn't know which way to go, then the BS needs to kind of shove him/her off that fence. I think that knowing your WS is still seeing the OP, and is somewhat open about it, it is a form of cruel and unusual punishment to the BS. This person made a marriage vow 'til death do you part' but that should never mean there is a 3rd person present in that relationship. Either you are staying together and that means just the TWO
