My weekend away was good. Rough, dealing with some things I hadn't yet but good.
My question is what do you make of these comments?
I have come to my own thoughts and want to see if I am waaaay off or not.
I gave H 3 roads that we can walk down since DV doesn't seem like an option at the moment.
1. He could come home and work on the marriage. If it was a matter of her not having a vehicle if he did we could give her the truck (i don't want it anymore...i am sure you can guess why)
2. He could come home and work on the marriage and if he felt that he needed to get away from the area we could sell the house and move.
3. Sell the house, get seperate apartments...(i would file for legal seperation of course)
He said that option one was a definate option.
He said that he still didn't know why he wasn't coming home, maybe he had to get totally sick of her and her kids to do that. He still doesn't know why he left. Maybe he isn't ready to come home yet...yadda yadda. He said to go ahead and put the house up for sale, so I went and got the papers, told him he was to be here to sign them this evening, if he wasn't then I would assume that he is picking one of the other options or is ready to file.
He did two very strange things, he brought back a ring that he ALWAYS takes with him when he leaves and put it in the jewelry box, along with his wedding rings and my wedding ring, and he took all of the notes that I had given him that were in the Toyota and put them neatly in his nightstand drawer...why? Why not just toss them. He was here early in the morning on Sun. I got back around Noon and he was here. He didn't take anything else with him.
The other thing is that he called me from the OW's house, that was a first. Boy, his whole attitude was different, tone of voice and such...I don't know why he called me from there when he had an hour and a half on his way home...hearing her and her kids in the background and seeing our D playing on the living room floor hurt. It sounded awfully hectic there. I told him that it can't be peaceful there. He said no. I said that he must be happy there though, he said no.
Someone said that he called me from there to tick off OW. Someone else said that he thinks that I am bluffing on selling the house and that there won't be any papers here for him to sign, or that he just won't show to sign them.
Some input here would be great. I am also a little worried about him, I heard of some type of medical condition that is going on...may involve a specialist. (don't ask how I know)
This is such a mess that has begun to spin out of control. But it isn't healthy for my D or me. Did I do right by trying to get some direction? I don't know. What do his strange comments and actions indicate to you? On the ring thing someone said that he may want to come home but doesn't know how, how can that be?
Thanks again for your time.
Faith-n-Hope

Well, my opinions are not very popular around here but, I will give you an approval for what you did. I think that giving him those choices shows that you are a strong woman, ready to accept his decision and no longer going to sit idly by while he "plays house" with another woman. Somewhere on this board I posted my belief in not tolerating a fence-sitting wayward spouse, I kind of got blasted for that. But, I stand by my word on that, that no one should be expected to sit and wait out the wayward spouse while they make their decision to stay with the spouse or to move on with the OP. I was told by both the marriage counselor and the psycologist that it is a waste of time for me to put any effort at all into trying to rebuild my marriage as long as there was the presence of a third party. They both told my H that he needed to make the decision immediately, me or the OP, or they didn't want to see us again as a couple, it would be a total waste of time and money. I think you have made a very big step, and a very wise one, for what its worth (which I know is not much around here, I realize my idea of not tolerating a fence-sitter here is not a welcome idea).

I was very confident in my decision of the choices....but guess what! Hubby threw me for a loop! He didn't show, now I expected him too, now I am not taking that as he is going to show up here Sat. with his boxes, but it kinda de railed me and I have to figure out how to deal with that!

Wow, ok, maybe this is something. Don't get your heart set on anything though, I would hate to see you post back here on Sat that he never came home. <p>I think you gave him reasonable choices, and for your own santiy (and your daughters) you can only pick your nose for so long while he makes his decision.<p>[censored] called me from outside bimbettes house once when he was on business out in that icky state. Some kid kept calling him Uncle Scotty and wanted him to keep playing catch with him. You know the sob never bothered to play catch with our son, and now because of the accident he never will. I was the one who practiced for t-ball with him, and did all the things dads are 'supposed' to do. It's too bad. We have a really nice kid who will never have the experience of playing ball with his dad.<p>I feel sorry for our kids. They miss out on so much because of stupid selfishness. There is no way to make up for that time either. They can try, but it is gone forever. And the worst part of it all is that life is so short, and now [censored] would give his left nut to be able to have played catch with Chris just once.<p>Aacckkk, I'm getting all worked up. I hope he comes home where he belongs with you and your daughter.<p>Elizabeth

No, no expectations, I am sorry for your children, it is sad that they don't realize that it is lost time...never to be again. She is his only child...it's sad.<p>I am glad to hear that my options seemed reasonable, just tired. I want my marriage to have a new birth, to grow to new heights. I miss the man who looked at D adoringly, who was at peace with himself...it's sad...just sad...

I know. nodding my head sympathetically with no words left for something so horrible.