I am new to posting on this board but have been lurking for some time.
18 months ago I was suspicious of all the time my H was on the computer. I decided to investigate and found 2 incriminating e-mails , One to a woman he had met on a hunting trip up North. A hot and heavy online thing went on for about two week , the e-mail I found was of plans they had made to spend the night togther. She was 30 he was 48. When I confronted him that day, he told me he had just called her and cancelled it. He felt great remorse.Hoped I would never find out.
unfortuntaly I did.
Second e-mail was to another woman, saying he would be in the area ( up north again) and "how about lunch, and how was your day sweetie."
Now I know nothing about this woman. He says it is just a friend someone he knows up there.
Well I had a big problem with that relationship also. I'm sorry but female friends your wife knows nothing about, especially one's you call sweetie,are also off limits. He said he understood, was very sorry he would end contact.
SO goes 18 months of the rollercoaster ride healing doing what needs to be done to get past it all, no easy feat.
Fast forward 18 months. His cell phone bill which has always gone to his busniess now comes to our house. They were disappearing as soon as they would appear. So one day I did more investigating(boy, we get good at that) found 2 bills with 20 calls made to this one # up north in a one month. period.
I finaly asked him who he was calling. He said he was just playing phone tag with a realtor up there. So I called the number, you guessed it , no realtor. It's a insurance agency "THE FRIEND" works at.
I was furious. Apparently the frienship spans almost 10 years. He calls her at work because her husband doesn't know about it either.
So I am back to square one. 18 months of hard work down the drain.
I made him call her and end all contact, and we start marriage councelling soon. But I am devastated. The first affair was a bad judgement call. This second affair ( yes I consider it an affair) was a total disreguard for me and my feelings.
I don't know what to do. It's 2 weeks since D-Day.
We have been married 28 years, together 34 years, and have 3 children 27, 23, 18.
It's hard to throw it all away, but how can I get past it. The lying. the deception.
The first time was bad enough, but I'm not sure I have the energy to go through this again.
Please, anyone who has been through this, I desperatly need help. He again shows great remorse, but who believes it this time. I feel like such a fool.

First off, you are NOT a fool. If anyone's a fool, it's your H for thinking that he could get away with this 'emotional affair' and not hurt your marriage.<p>Is your H familiar with this site? Does he know about the Harley principles? (plan A/B, Love Busters, POJA - Policy Of Joint Agreement, Emotional Needs, etc?).<p>Karen

No, he is not aware of this site, and I need to do more research myself on the Harley principles.
I have been just reading the boards and am not yet completley familiar with the whole marraige buiders concept.Guess it's time to get to work.
I would appreciate any and all advise.
Thanks.

Oh, okay. I was asking that, because you mentioned that you have been lurking on here for 'some time'. That could mean years! [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I was just wondering whether or not you have used the MB info on you, your H, and your M. <p>Here's a quick summary of what you'll need to do if you want to try your best to save your marriage:<p>Do a GREAT plan A (for x months - every person is different - Dr.Harley suggests a maximum of 6 months). Plan Aing means that you do your best to fulfil your H's EN's (those emotional needs). Research on them. They are most likely not the same as yours. You do NOT love bust. LBing is taking steps backwards in your effort to repair your M. You need to move forward. How? By becoming the BEST YOU you can be!!!<p>This is your start. Please be patient, because it is a long process. None of this will work overnight (although you could see some great changes because of certain actions on your part within short periods of time).<p>Time. Patience. Consistency. <p>Karen

I have been lurking on and off since the last affair 18 months ago.
I did do my own version of Plan A for that whole time. Made sure I met all his needs, I'm 48, and considered attractive. Work out religiously ( he doesn't like overweight women).
Now I just work out to work off the stress. Let's see I am 5'9" and I wear a size 6, could I be over doing it???
I feel basicly that I did all of the work to recover. NO lovebusters.
Now lovebusting is sounding pretty good. Or busting something ( won't go into details)
Just the thought of starting all over again is to much. At least for tonight.
Hopefully I will fell different in the morning.
I will research the site more thouroughly.
Thanks for responding

Welcome to MB, and sorry you have reason to be here. I know how much these things hurt, and so does everyone else around here.<p>By any chance are you in Wisconsin? We say "up north" here all the time, so I was just wondering. I am in WI, and have free minutes for all midwest area codes, so if you want to talk, toss me an email. When I was new here I used to get so frustrated not being able to talk to people in real time. I'm way over that one now though. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Anyway, read around, Karen gave some great advice.<p>Elizabeth

Elizabeth
"Up North" means Vermont for me. We are from New England. My H is there often hunting and fishing, and now business. Unfortunatly that is where the EA and almost PA took place so I have major issues with it.