My WH has now sent me 2 emails, asking me to send him our camera equipment. I've been in Plan B for over 6 months, he's living in another city with OW. I'm not supposed to know that he's living with her, but I do. <p>Up untill recently, our emails have been strictly financial. I'm on a government disability pension. When I've previously asked him about our financial status, he's refused to answer - he's got our savings in an account I can't access. He's been no doubt spending our savings like crazy on his OW. Oh, and he lost his job so has no income.<p>Then I get an email (after none for over a month) saying that the camera needs to be out in the sun to stop fungus growth. That I should send the camera to him so he can look after it. Duh, I don't have sunshine here where I'm living? Just now he sent another email, about the camera again and wanting to know how I'll arrange to send it to him safely. <p>Now what do I do? So far I've just ignored this camera business, it's expensive equipment and has great sentimental value. I don't like him using it to do photography with his wh*re, my husband and I used to do photography together you see. It's disgusting, not once has he asked how I am, how our pets are, no it's only the camera he's concerned about. On checking the camera I can see it already has fungus in several places, which I'm sorry to say pleases me immensely. Of course photography is still my hobby, if I send him this equipment I'll never be able to replace it.<p>Do I just send him the stuff, probably making him think I'm the wifey pining away for him and who'll do what he asks of her? Do I find out the value of the equipment, and ask him for my half of it? I can do without all this hassle, it's hard enough just getting through the day.<p>I guess I can't get over the nerve of him. He treats me like I'm nothing, then expects me to send him whatever he asks for? Unbelievable. Oh, he's also trying to get ME to send him money, he's claiming I owe him some from my Disability claim settlement - too long a story to go into. <p>Please give me suggestions on what to do!<p>Evensong

Just ignore his request. There is no reason you should send him the camera. It belongs to both of you right? It's your hobby too, right? And remember you are in Plan B... no contact at all.<p>This could also be a way for him to try to open communiations with you dispite your imposed Plan B no contact.<p>If he bothers you further about the camera continue to ignore him. He abandoned it, and all of the other possessions when he left. These things can be settled in a divorce if things get to that point.<p>If you do say anything to him, under the circumstances it would be reasonable to tell you that you sold the equipment because you needed the money. Ok, not the truth, but.....<p>Do you think it might be time for you to see an attorney to take care of the financial details?

I;m thinking he's dying to get it to either pawn or sell it. Tell him to go blow---well, actually I would say 'sorry, I'm using it.' I wouldn't give him a stinking thing.

Evensong,<p>How about this email reply to your H?<p>"No worries, camera and equipment are being maintained and well taken care of. Thank you for your concern. Your intentions are appreciated."<p>END OF MESSAGE<p>Jo<p>[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Thank you, I like all your suggestions. <p>Diddallas, I too think he might want to pawn it for money, or give it to his OW - he bought himself another camera about a year ago, so it's not as if he hasn't got one already.<p>Zorweb, I was thinking the 'had to sell for money' bit myself, teehee that'd get up his nose. There are quite a few things I could do that with, if he gets difficult I might actually sell some things. <p>I spoke to a lawyer a while back, and he told me the process and how stressful it would all be. He said even for a healthy person it's incredibly stressful, and I'm very ill and can't deal with stress well. After much thought, and realising what I can lose materially, I've decided not to get a lawyer. My health is more important, and I have animals that rely on me so I can't afford to become even further disabled. <p>Resilient, I also like your email idea. Would that still fit in the Plan B idea? What I actually would like to write is 'the sun doesn't shine just from your behind, we have our own here' but I doubt it would be helpful. Would make me feel good though. :-) <p>You've given me good ideas, I'm going to not do anything for a while. I still feel pretty upset by his request, and can't think clearly at all. 'When in doubt do nothing'.<p>Evensong

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Evensong:
Resilient, I also like your email idea. Would that still fit in the Plan B idea<hr></blockquote><p>Yes, it would still be compliant to Plan B.<p>You would be responding to a necessary email that if you didn't respond to, has the potential for more emails. In this sample response I provided, you are being a Plan A spouse (succinct & polite), yet remaining in a Plan B mode by not offering any more information than necessary.<p>p.s. I do so like your version too! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Best of luck!<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Resilient, I think I will send him an email in a few days. You're right that if I don't reply it might generate more emails from him, which I don't want. <p>What is so strange is the way his emails are completely confused, he contradicts himself and talks nonsense. I also suspect the OW is pushing him to get money out of me, twisting his thinking on the subject. Truly these WS are in la-la-land.<p>Evensong

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Evensong:
What is so strange is the way his emails are completely confused, he contradicts himself and talks nonsense. I also suspect the OW is pushing him to get money out of me, twisting his thinking on the subject. Truly these WS are in la-la-land.<hr></blockquote><p>Ohhhh yes .... very astute observation. Isn't it surprising how they act. Thing is, once you read here you see THEY ALL act that way. <p>It's sadly, yet fascinatingly predictable.<p>Stay your course, Evensong.<p>Lv,
Jo