Sent my WW an email yesterday. In the email I made a request for some sign of reassurement. Some sign that we are at least heading in the right direction, I haven't received any such signs for the last 2 months. She told me that she can see that I've made changes and knows I really want to work things out. She then says again that she has changed, she is independent now. I have hurt her so long that she doesn't want me to hurt her again. She admitted that she is holding back, because she doesn't want to get hurt. She said that she thinks all my changes, although they are what she always wanted, might me too late. I know things were bad early in the marriage. We were married when I was 19 and she was 18, together since we were juniors in high school. I was always out drinking with my friends and didn't really care. There was also some light physical abuse in the early years. I gave up the drinking and stopped the physical abuse 6 years ago. I really miss my wife so much. I know I made mistakes and I am trying my best to learn new ways to live through counseling and expressing my feelings to her and trying to understand hers. It just seems like when I think things are getting better, she comes back and says she still wants a separation and wants to be alone. She admits she is holding back, which I can see without her confirmation. We haven't made true love since the end of 12/01. I know that is the least of my worries, but it is one of the worst feelings in the world to lie next to the most beautiful woman in the world and not be able to touch or make love to her. I am still trying and I'm am not going to leave my home. I am just feeling really foolish and unwanted.

Patience man and plenty of it. You're doing OK but don't press for any assurances now, it will drive her away. Keep up the changes - you know she has noticed. Make the M an attractive place to be. Make yourself an attractive partner. Don't use any ultimatums - the timescale will be hers, it could be a long road. Use the time to work on yourself.<p>Good luck and stay strong.

Boy, am I totally confused. Yesterday I called my WW at 12 as we normally call each other at that time just to talk a bit. I received her voicemail. So I then called her main number and the receptionist paged, she didn't pick up. Receptionist said she must have gone to lunch. Odd. WW never goes out to lunch without at least letting me know via email, voicemail, ect. I called her cell phone and she answered. We live in Denver, CO and WW works downtown NOISY. It was unusually quiet. I asked her where she was. She said at the bank making a deposit for the company.(she is an accountant) I asked why it was so quiet, she said she was standing in a corner where no one was. I said that her work said she went out to lunch not to the bank. She was quiet and then said she was going to pick up lunch after making the deposit. I then asked her if she was sure she was being honest with me and she said yes, she is just at the bank and she was sorry for not letting me know. She has never apologized for anything in months. That was really odd!!! We talked a bit. I asked why she is holding back like she told me she was yesterday. If she is really trying then how can she hold back? She again said she doesn't want to be hurt. I advised her I understood that, but I am having to take a leap of faith and love her after her A. I just asked her again if she could to open up and let me in and really put forth the same effort as I am to save our marriage and work to make each other happy. She said that she is thinking about it. That was the most positive thing she has said about our marriage in the last 2 months. But again something just doesn't feel right. She said she was sorry AGAIN, and that she would talk to me later. She emailed me about an hour later and reminded me of our kids conferences next week she was really nice in the email and again apologized for what had happened earlier and closed with love you. This just all feels wierd. I called her when I was leaving at 2:30 and she was really really nice on the phone we talked and i went home. She had class last night. She called me around 6:45 on her first break. She usually rushes this call, but not last night. She actually talked through the whole break. She also told me she tried to call me on her second break, she hasn't done that either in months. She couldn't get through because I was online posting at the time. She called me on the way home at 8:30 and talked to me the whole way home. When she got home I hugged her and she gave me a strong hug back. I kissed her and she actually kissed me back. Normally if I try to french kiss she just opens her mouth and nothing more. She actually kissed back this time. We watched a bit of tv. I asked her if we could make love. She didn't asnwer. Just laid with me watching tv. I told her I was going to head to the bedroom, she said she was going to finish the last 10min of her show and be in. She came in and got in the bed after removing her pants. I leaned over and began kissing her and again she kissed back. Remember now, she stopped participating in sex since the end of 12/01 and she was letting me have sex about 1x a week with no participation from her. She has only had one orgasm in my presence since the end of 12/01 and that was on Valentines day. We made love and she had one with me. I couldn't believe it. WHAT IS HAPPENING??? IS THIS REAL?? IS SHE GUILTY OF SOMETHING?? Why did everything change after the call yesterday afternoon??? Was she doing something and felt caught and guilty??? HELP??? I asked her was changed, why all of a sudden is she giving me what I have been wanting for the last 4 months. She said she is scared and still feels the same way as before. She said she feels like she has no self worth, but that if she is holding back she can't give the marriage a try. She knows I have changed and sees all the changes but is still scared. She said that she is going to look out for herself but is going to try now. WHAT??? I so scared right now. Did something happen yesterday and she is just feeling guilty so she is being nice to me???? I want to be so happy that she has come around but I am just so scared, confused, and sad...why this is what I wanted to happen. Someone please give me your opinion. I am all ears!! [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Still needing some advise and opinions.

I am in the same position. My wife has seen changes in me but is still very wary of opening herself up to me. Enjoy the moments. Continue doing what your doing and be VERY SURE not to 'hurt' her in anyway like before. That only causes her to 'shutdown' more. Let her continue to see the man that she loves, and she will slowly give more and more back. Don't pressure her so much to tell you how she feels, just enjoy the moment and keep reminding her that your there for her when she needs you and that your committed to staying the man you are or improving and that the man she ran from is not coming back.

I think that there are two options here. The first is the she was doing what she said she was doing and she finally heard your pain when you were asking her questions about it. The second is that she was not where she said she was and she was trying to cover up for something. <p>I wish I could tell you which it is. Look for more clues with what happened. I have been to Denver before and it is very loud out there on the streets. Is there a corner close to the bank she would have gone to that would not be too busy? <p>One thing I would like to offer is that I would have a very hard time making love to my husband if my heart was not there. <p>Sorry I can not give you answers, but they are there let's just look harder to find them.<p>Sinking

You can second guess your spouse to death if you want to. If she's being receptive, go along. Don't envision an ulterior motive. Whether she got "caught" or not, the woman who came home to you was the woman you've been waiting for isn't it? Us women are wierd (remember that). Something as simple as hearing an old song may have made her realize that it's time to open back up to you. And then, maybe being "caught" made her open up. Whatever the case SHE OPENED UP!! Thank your lucky stars that Something has helped her make progress. I'd recommend holding her hand alot - I mean alot!! That means a lot to us women. It says "I want to be your friend" instead of "I want you for sex."

Thank you all for your replies. She said she was in the bank lobby over in a corner and no one was around. I don't know I just can't beleive the radical change. Like night and day. Just 2 days ago she was still pushing me away. I just am finding it hard to believe she is being genuine. I should be on cloud 9 right now but instead I'm doubting.

Well WW & I went to counseling yesterday. WW says she still feels my changes may be too late. Man what a flip from 2 days ago. Knew it was too good to be true. Said that she still feels a separation is needed for her. She feels she has no self worth and needs to do that for her. Our counselor told us both that he does not believe in separations. That they are just too dangerous to the marriage and should only occur as a very last result. He told us both we can and in his opinion we both want to rebuild our marriage. Our evening went ok. WW again appears to be holding back just like before. I am committed to keep trying, my WW is worth whatever it takes to rebuild our marriage.

Met WW for lunch yesterday. Had a nice time. Rented movies and had pizza and movie night with the kids. Again a really nice time. Saturday mornings we usually go out for breakfast together, just WW and I. We decided to go out everyother Sat so WW can sleep in. She is sleeping in today. She has never been a morning person and would rather sleep in. In our counseling session I let her know when she tells me she would rather sleep in than go, it hurts me and makes me feel rejected. WW explained that is not what she intends. One of WW EN is to sleep in. So we compromised and decided we'll go every other weekend and meet each others needs. Still not sure on how things really are between us, but for the moment they seem relatively good.!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] I thank God everyday for the work I can see he is doing with my WW.