I watched Oprah yesterday - wow - and about 3/4 of the way through the show I realized that THIS was the show I should have taped not the previous show about adultery. Darn it. I know my H would have gotten something out of it. H is "back" and in love with me again for sure, but I'd still like him to see how this affected me by seeing the same thing with other people. Does that make sense.
It's interesting that on DDay - May 3/00 I happened to be watching Oprah and it was DR Phil with a couple where the wife had been unfaithful several times. He said "If you have nothing to hide then hide nothing." That night the PM popped up for my H on his computer from OW saying "I Love You" and I happened to be standing behind him. I asked him what it was all about and he said it was this woman he was talking with. I said obviously it had gone too far if she's telling you she loves you..(woah, little did I KNOW at the time) and said to my H..."Well, if you've got nothing to hide then hide nothing.." That night - it all came out.
So, on DR Phil yesterday, he said it again - people who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. He also reiterated that the betrayed partner needs to know they are being HEARD!!!! Awesome stuff.
If your computer is capable - go to the "after the show" clip on adultery (on Oprah.com)- it's GREAT.<p>Anyone else have any feedback?

Thanks for the information. I will definitely check it out. But I do have a question for you, you said you knew your H was back in love with you 'for sure'. How do you know that? Were there signs or did he tell you? I'm about 1 mos into recovery. Thanks!

As you can tell, I'm an oldtimer, and many know my story.
My H told me he loved me on Valentine's Day. I have been waiting to hear those words for TWO years. He had even told OW he loved her in emails as recently as Nov.01!!! He then broke off all contact as she was planning on getting married, but still gushing her I love you's to him and in fact hoping my H and her would get together in Vegas this Spring...after her wedding of course..sheesh, what a piece of work.
So, I know he's in love, because he couldn't, wouldn't say those words. He even made it clear he wasn't in love with me. He does not take saying those words lightly at all and it was a true true breakthrough this past Valentine's Day.

love it!!! That's what our counselor told my H when, he was mad at me for catching weird charges on his credit card. I have always taken care of the bills, looked at statements, etc. I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary. After he moved out - supposedly to a hotel "by himself".... But since I was smart enough to figure out he was buying meals for 2 and there were no hotel charges... he was mad [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] .<p>If there's nothing to hide, don't get defensive when the BETRAYED spouse asks questions or needs reassurance.<p>Thanks! I'll check out the clip tonite.

Thanks Alberta. Unfortunately, my H says he still loves me he's just no longer in love with me. I just don't know how I'll know if he ever falls in love with me again. Anyway, congratulations! It sounds like everything that we've been busting our butts doing really pays off in the end. And that gives me hope. Thanks!

Dr. Phil knows his market, huh?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Faith1:
<strong><p>If there's nothing to hide, don't get defensive when the BETRAYED spouse asks questions or needs reassurance.
</strong><hr></blockquote><p> Yep. My H only got mad or defensive when he had something to hide. After the A was over he had no problems with me snooping. Said it was totally understandable under the circumstances.