I'm concerned for some of our newbies... we've been kinda caught up in a couple of 'hard-headed' people lately... and some threads have only a couple of replies... plus the TOW threads were busy for a while...<p>I know I have been caught up w/ 'real' life and haven't been able to post much the last couple of days...<p>BBBUUUUTTTT... I just wondered if maybe some of us veterans... (I've been here almost a year... can I call myself that?) could look for a couple of newbies... or others w/ just a few replies and give them some support?<p>I know its hard... but I just want as many people as possible to feel supported... <p>Just a thought...<p>Cali

Re: OK I have had enough of this crap.<p>I replied and I have not had a response. I know sad'n'lonely is probably busy, but I would love to hear your opinion on my posts and his replies. It has left me hanging a bit.
Thanks a million smiles [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

cali,<p>you are a good person.<p>i very seldom post to any newbies anymore unless the topic catches my eye<p>the reasons being

• don't feel I have anything to offer
• would like to FINALLY be able to taper off here, if I don't have so many to check on the less temptimg to spend time here
• I need to finish healing myself & reading newbies pain brings a lot of it back
• i find myself wanting to tell a few people off & SNL IS NOT one of them
• want to tell some people to get over it

<p>think you know you have been here WAY to long when you feel like I do <p>but you are right more effort needs to be put in helping more people than in-fighting or on the OW threads etc.<p>my hat is off to you.<p>[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: sing ]</p>

Hi Cali,<p>I'm with sing on this one. I'm so darned tired of the whole thing. I was like you for a long time... <p>I used to write threads JUST LIKE THIS ONE. Sometimes it helped, sometimes not. <p>Very occasionally, I find someone in an identical situation that I was in, and feel that I can help. I do then -- but it's rare that I go anywhere that's not a "friend's" post these days!<p>[ March 13, 2002: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</p>

Cali,
I think it's great what you are doing. I love to see the sucess stories and people helping people. It's what keeps me going. I know it must get old but I hope enough veteran stick around.<p>There is a lot of "stuff" on here that may not be all that helpful. Sing, I agree there are those that wine & should get over it (at least what they are wining about)<p>This is not for wimps!!1

Yep, it's a little hard to keep this up for a long time. Almost a year here too.<p>I do try to get to any 0 or 1 response thread. Generally they are new people who have not found the welcome to newbies, etc. So just giving them a quick welcome and a pointer to onegoing's welcome thread would be a God sent. And it does not take a lot of time.<p>NSR did that for me when I started here. It helped a lot.

Cali and all,
I have an alternative. put an offer to help in your signature line. I have had mine on for 3 weeks and have had 3 short question type and one onegoing newbie corresponence.
I dont come here as often as I did, but I remember how much i needed to hear from people who had been there and gotten through it intact.
I dont even look at most posts that have more than 3 responses any more, unless the title catches my eye.
Thanks for noticing other people really need help here. It is important to remember how alone we all felt in the beginning.
As for the whiners getting more responses than others, well, the squeaky wheel....

Cali - God bless ya. <p>I agree w helping w the newbies, but many do not seem to do any "work" before looking to be rescued.<p>Like reading the site concepts.<p>Also,because my marriage failed, I'm not sure what to offer. <p>I do still study like a fiend, though! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Dan

Folks...<p>I have listened to y'all (guess where I'm from) for about a year now. Just began to talk here and there recently.<p>I think people here tend to "grow up" with folks that arrived about the time they did. And they develop a "family" together which is good. I know some buck this trend - such as JL - and hang around and continue to help others. I think they have a special gift of a serving spirit. <p>Anyway, most seem to come and move on in roughly similar time frames. As the new people come on, they will talk to one another, be there for each other under the "guidance" of a few veterans, and hopefully heal and move on.<p>This is a great place. Listening here to many of you over the past year, most of whom seem to be moving on, has been a godsend. Best wishes to all of you and I hope and pray for much love in your lives.<p>hg

A Question-<p>How do you put links in your post? I would like to help newbies & find myself rewriting the same thing over and over - is there, could there be a template for newbies?<p>Just a thought, I'm not all that computer literate but willing to learn.<p>Family Man - don't think that bcos your M failed, that you have nothing to offer. We can't control what our spouses do, influence maybe, but not control. Some of the M's right now won't make it either, but they see that you tried, and left no stone unturned. Nothing wront with that.
[img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

WillGetThruThis <p>look here to find out how to use the UBB codes

Hi all,<p>It is a good idea to try to look for new MBers and to try to respond to threads with few replies. But many have raised a number of reasons why it works some of the time and not others.<p>For my part, when I am feeling up to it (and that is very important), I head over to Just Found Out and try to respond to one or two people and offer some support. That has worked out well, I think. But if I try to force myself to reply to someone new, out of a sense of obligation rather than feeling up to it, I think I can do more harm than good. My sense of hopelessness might come through in my response, and who needs one of their first replies to be of the "it has been 1.5 years and I'm still miserable" variety. A year and a half ago, if I had read a response of that nature, I would have been very, very distraught.<p>Just my two cents,<p>OneDay

BMWM... I hope you got some replies... I'll check your thread out...<p>sing...new_beginning... Yep, I even remember when I first came on nyneve's thread on this... even remember a veteran gently telling him/her the same thing you guys are telling me... well the wheel keeps on turning... and I'm sure in the next year or so one of the now 'newbies' will be making this reminder thread... maybe it is something that just needs to be done every now and again to keep us 'on track.'<p>thanks WillGetThruThis... I know we can't post to everyone... I know I get overwhelmed... but I also know how important this site has been for me in my 'recovery.'<p>Z... I feel like to you, I am preaching to the choir...<p>sadprincess... I think you did a why can't we 'mentor' a newbie post kinda recently didn't you? I don't think I replied... but I liked your idea and have kinda kept w/ Boppo's story because of it... and because his posts so remind me of mine...<p>FamilyMan comes out of the shadows!!! You know recovery means different things to different people w/ different situations [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] ...<p>hg... that thought crossed my mind... but I still remember the VETERANS that posted to me... and WOW... did they help keep us on the MB path... that is also something we can do... gently nudge or sometimes hit with the MB sledgehammer... <p>OneDay... I know the "when you feel like it" feeling... somedays it is just WAY overwhelming!!<p>Hugs to all... and thanks...<p>Cali

here's one in JFO... hurt my heart... the post sounds so much like the first one I wrote...<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=29&t=001434<p>Cali

Cali-
I am a newbie and I truly Praise God for people such as yourself that have taken the time to atleast encourage me and direct me.
My prayer is oneday to help someone else, cuz then I wont feel all this was in vain.
Please continue reaching out for us "newbies" as long as the Lord leads because we NEED it.
God Bless,
Tracie