I gave my W a Plan B letter last night outlining my feelings for her but that I needed to save myself and look out for what is best for our kids. We have our house for sale and needed to talk about the game plan so that this process doesn't take a long time. She is in a "fog" because of her A and doesn't fully understand the magnitude of the decisions that face her at this time of her life.<p>I tried to talk to her about what it is she is looking for in life, how her counseling sessions are going, and why she continues her A. Those were topics she refused to talk about and in fact told me they were none of my business. She also doesn't believe she should be accountable for her time or money spending because we are seperated. (she sleeps at her parents house)<p>I'm just tired of going round and round with her...She says she doesn't want to be married and OM isn't influencing her, while I say I understand she doesn't want to work on the marriage because she is caught up in A. She says we are at different points and can't get them to join together. I told her OM was getting in the way of that and our kids don't deserve to be put through this.<p>Anyway, I started plan B last night. It will be difficult to totally seperate from having contact with her because of the kids but I will try to avoid her. I hope this works because telling her I didn't want anything to do with her while A is ongoing was very difficult to do. I didn't sleep last night. Any advice? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Plan B w/ kids is difficult...<p>because you do need to communicate w/ her regarding them... however...<p>utilizing a neutral drop off/pick up place is recommended...<p>communicate by phone or email... ONLY about kids... stay away from all other topics... especially :
<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I tried to talk to her about what it is she is looking for in life, how her counseling sessions are going, and why she continues her A. Those were topics she refused to talk about and in fact told me they were none of my business. She also doesn't believe she should be accountable for her time or money spending because we are seperated. (she sleeps at her parents house)<hr></blockquote><p>NO RELATIONSHIP TALKS... no talking about the A... no talking about HER... unless she brings it up... then be noncommittal... let her talk... you listen... <p>I think there is more info on plan b in the noteable thread post... on the JFO forum...<p>Good luck,
Cali

I've only been doing Plan B for a week now so I dont have too much advice, but if you read some of my posts, you may get an idea of what to expect (I pray that you dont ever have do go thru what I have).<p>The most important is to limit contact to issues involving the kids only. In your case, you also have to deal with the sale of the house, but that can be done through the realtor. Set up a separate email account and have all correspondences go through that (and save them). Only allow direct contact if it is an emergency situation. Make sure you have a sound visitation schedule in place and stick to it. We have a liberal one and I send WS a weekly schedule each Sunday, via email.<p>But, most importantly, get ready for some serious LB-ing. WS has hit me with the big guns and I am still reeling from the last salvo. She is really going out in a blaze of glory. Its hard to do, but you MUST ignore this crap (I should follow my own advice!) Do not buy into it, do not say anything. If WS does call and lays into you, politely remind them that you only want to discuss issues involving the kids and hang up/walk away.<p>It is imperative that you stay strong through this for the kids sake, they need at least one reliable and committed parent. Please come to the boards to vent and get advice on what to do. If WS does not want to act like a spouse, you have no reason to treat them like one.

I know plan B will be tough with our kids involved. Both of us take care of them and she is a great mother. The only issue I have with her is the A and that it stands in the way of us moving forward either together or divorced. As long as it continues, I've found it is difficult to not get mad at her actions. Yes that brings Love Busters into the discussions, but it is hard to not say what you feel when in the heat of the moment of a discussion. <p>I have tried a lot of different approaches to this situation and I kept thinking that she would end A and start withdrawl period. That isn't happening so I need to be able to stop wondering if and when she might get out of the fog. I need to move ahead with my life for myself and our boys. I have completely changed my life for the better and she still doesn't appreciate my efforts. She has said some things about what I was doing and I have made a conscience effort to work on them. I am a different person now and I want the opportunity to make our marriage what it's suppose to be.<p>I know I can't completely push her out because we do need to discuss the kids and our house situation, but I felt I couldn't continue to go on with her "come and go whenever she wants while still having A" attitude. Since she wasn't changing, I had to.