If you are in Plan B, did you have to thru a period of withdrawal from your WS? <p>Similar I suppose to the WS withdrawal from the OP.<p>If this happened to you, how did you cope? <p>E

Elad,
I'm not sure if you'd like input from a Plan B failure, but when I was trying to make B work I'd keep telling myself that it was the longterm hoped-for-goal, not the shortterm gotta-talk-to-him feeling that was important. <p>I think when I was actually in the process of divorce I was so angry at the final separation and discovering continued OW contact after the PA had been over for 4 motnhs, that even though we talked, I really wanted to keep it about the kids and finances, not our personal lives.

Elad - I am not currently in Plan B, but I was until November. I had terrible withdrawl from WH. I was a mess. But there is one big difference between your situation and mine. I actually went to Plan B shortly after D-day and I was still in shock at that time. I ahd not begun the healing process at all. I felt like WH was the only one who could make me feel better, that he was the only one that could make the pain go away. <p>The thing that woke me up and made me realize that I needed help was a panic call to my brother one morning when I was out driving. I had not really discussed anything with him before that morning. Prior to the phone call I had done a good job of protecting him from my pain. We were never close unless one of us was in pain, then the wagons would circle. Well not this time, I had closed him out so he would not see the pain. I closed my entire family out. I called him that morning and the only thing I could get out was to beg him to make the pain go away. He stayed on the phone with me for over 30 minutes telling me that I needed to go to a doctor and get help. I could hear the pain in his voice and I hated myself for letting him feel it. I did go and get help after that day and once the medication set in the withdrawl was much easier to deal with.<p>You are so much farther along in the healing process and with the help here and your strength, you will be OK. Just remember when you start to pick up the phone and call that there is a reason that you are doing this. If that doesn't work, come here. Everytime you give in and talk to them, you prolong that pain.

Hi ELad,<p>At the on-set of Plan B I was initially relieved, I felt freed for some reason. But a few weeks in, I started to go thru withdrawal, felt like someone cut off my right arm.<p>It was very hard to get thru, ELad. See, my #1 EN is conversation, and H met that need pretty good before the A started and a few months after Plan A. So many times I'd pick up the phone or would compose an email, but never follow thru. A couple times I did slip, H contacted me and I participated. He was threatening D and I felt I HAD to respond. That was a wrong move on my part. I should have stuck to Plan B and no contact. All it did was put me back to square one regarding withdrawing from him. <p>What did I do to soften the effects of withdrawal? I came here ALOT. I talked to Lora on the phone daily, I leaned on my other friends too. I read, read and read ... every book I could get my hands on regarding self help and adultery. I also continued to go to IC (same counselor as our MC)twice a week, she was my life line. I also spent week-ends with OC, and concentrated on taking care of him. <p>I think Lor has the best advice. To keep reminding yourself of your goal, of what the big picture is. To protect what love you have left, to prepare yourself for a new life possibly without your spouse and to allow the OP to try and meet all your WS's needs.<p>I never in a million years thought I could ever NOT talk to or see my H again. He was my family, my everything. And it's still hard at times, but it's the only way to move ahead.<p>You have us Elad, we'll help you thru this. I know how apprehensive you are, just do what is right for you, WHEN it's right for you.<p>Please keep us updated.<p>Lv,
Jo<p>[ March 14, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Jo--<p>You are one of the true MB saints...<p>How do you continue to come here and feel our pain after going thru all you did and not lose it?<p>I don't mean it in a bad way, but if I were in your position I don't know if I could relive the pain in all these stories.<p>I for one am grateful that you do....I am sure others agree...I just don't know how you do it...<p>As always, thanks for your advice and support.<p>I truly agree with you and Lor that one of the best ways to get thru any of this is to keep your eye on the big picture. Man that is so hard to do some days... <p>Thanks again...<p>E

I went to PLan B after just a few wks of Plan A because H had told me he didnt love me anymore and was leaving me for OW and divorcing me. So plan A had little effect on him. Plan B was very hard to implement because we have 3 kids who my H came by almost every night to see on his way home from work. I would try hard to not ask him questions about our relationship and tried very hard not to cry until after he left each night. Finally I had to ask him not to come so often as it was so hard on me emotionally. This was not a true Plan B since I 'saw him' most nights when he stopped by our house.It broke my heart when he would hug and kiss our 3 kids goodbye but go right past me out to his car. In retrospect I wish I had met him at a neutral place and dropped the kids off because now that he IS back home I have incredible resentment about how cold and unemotional he was to me during those few months even though it is one year later. Plan B is REALLY for YOUR emotional protection.lifeismessy

Thank you, ELad. Very kind words. <p>I'm just trying to give back, you know ..... PAYING IT FORWARD. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Jo

yeah---<p>I know a lot of people panned that movie but I liked it.<p>Call me a sentimental sap...<p>BTW---Jo you are one of the reasons Boppo is so far off base in his current thread...<p>Peace--<p>E