On my spouse's EN sheet, physical attraction is important. And she rates me a 6. So I don't need to make myself more 'physically' attractive, but rather more interesting and exciting to her.<p>Could some of you ladies provide me with suggestions that I could consider on what makes a man attractive to a woman. She wants 'space' from me so I can't be 'clingy/needy' but rather a bit distant yet exciting.<p>What kinds of topics could we talk about after 7 yrs that are 'interesting' to women?<p>Suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Not a woman but I can share what I know from my research during my recovery:<p>Woman tend to like a confident man. A man with friends, with some (but not too much) ambition in life. A man that has good hygiene and one that is concerned with not only his bodily appearance but also how he is dressed.<p>Another part of being physically attractive (many ENs of woman overlap with other ENs) is being a gentleman. Opening doors, knowing how to order meals, being a good conversationalist.<p>Many, I would say most, woman develop a greater physical attraction for someone that they have an emotional attraction to. The OM in my wife's affair was (in both our opinions) not as attractive as I am but she developed an emotional attraction that made him appear more physically attractive.<p>Many woman will tell you foreplay begins in all the rooms outside of the bedroom. Fulfill those emotional needs like domestic support, conversation, affection, family support, etc., and I ahve a good feeling that you will make yourself more attractive to your spouse.<p>Beauty is very fleeting. Any EN that is based solely on appearance will have to change with time, or least that individual's standards of such.

Great answer, Longing! <p>As far as attractiveness goes, I definitely have to say it has a lot to do with confidence and personality. I totally agree with everything Longing said. I could go into what attracts ME when I first lay eyes on a man, but my preference may be totally different than your W. When my girlfriends and I look at men, we have totally different opinions of who's attractive or not. Build, facial hair, tan, hair, smile, etc... different for all of us. There's "handsome", then there's "cute", "sexy", or "nice-looking". [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Can you ask your wife what she would like to see different - if anything? Like a different haircut, or mustache, a tan, or what style of clothes...<p>But basically, a smile does wonders [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . In addition to being healthy, clean, and confident! (Fresh breath too!)<p>Conversation: Be very interested in her stories... about her work, the kids, her friends, her hobbies, etc. Ask questions. Empathize (don't try to fix!!!) and listen. I like to talk to men about things they like too, cars, music, sports (best I can [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] ). So those topics are fine too.<p>Just my 2 cents! You go guy! [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

Also, be cheerful. Don't wear your pain on your shoulder. It should have its time and place but if you constantly mope around, you will bring her down and you will appear less attractive.<p>Act and speak with assurance. Use assertive communication. Don't be needy - that is one of the worst.<p>Women are attracted to powerful men, not because they are powerful but because of the way they act with confidence and self-assurance.<p>[ March 14, 2002: Message edited by: Longing ]</p>

So this is what women want in men but whatabout what a man wants in a woman to make her attractive to him. I thought I knew my husbands likes and dislikes but for so long hes acted as if I'm invisible. Any ideas how to make him stop and take notice.Jante

Becoming a listener and conversationalist, etc. make a man more attractive, most definitely. Admiration and respect, also great for a woman's ego. Don't dwell so much on the word "physical".

Of course, the actual "physical" part plays a part too. A "Homer Simpson" generally doesn't go over well. (You know what I mean) It is just that most women are not looking for the "GQ" man -they are looking for the warm & fuzzy in their heart. They want to feel good around their man.

I am wondering the same thing. Have most of you seen the OW? I have not but am thinking about doing some sightseeing. The only thing I know is that she is 5'3" 110 lbs blonde long hair. YUCK! Me???? I am 5'7", 160 lbs. short brown hair. Boy doesn't that feel good! H said what would you want, me to be attracted to someone 5'0" 200 lbs? I guess not. Humph. I have lost almost 25 lbs. He has noticed but I still want to see her. She is older than I am however. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
How about it? What does a man want?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by hurtandlonely:
<strong>How about it? What does a man want?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Men are easily pleased they want attention, sex, compassion, sex, compliments, sex, left alone when they are watching sports, sex, guys nights out, sex, praise, sex, humor, sex, adoration, sex oh and did I mention sex? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

My version of a attractive sexy man is:<p>

• Confident
• Affectionate
• Funny and fun to be with
• Sensitive
• Intelligent
• Athletic

Ok---here goes...<p>I can't answer for all men just this one:<p>(sorry sjustinen, I know you asked what women want, but your thread appears to be headed both ways.)<p>Affection;
Humor & wit;
Smarts;
Conversation;
(To me all four are about equal)<p>Height & weight proportionate
Some sense of fashion but not too far over the edge
Someone who is willing to enjoy being with me no matter what we are doing (sports, games, reading, travel etc)<p>Did I mention sex...??? It's not top of the list but it is important... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>E

(I 'was' sjustinen, changed name)<p>Alright, I have identified areas that I need to work on... I am:<p>Confident - Need to work on.
Affectionate - Definately, sometimes too much.
Funny and fun to be with - Funny, need to stop being 'needy' when we're out together.
Sensitive - Big time work needed here.
Intelligent - Most definately. She admires my intelligence.
Athletic - Play many sports, athletic build (6'2 - 195lbs).<p>So: Confidence, fun to be with, and sensitivity to her thoughts/feelings are the areas I need to work on. Confidence is slowly building (I'll try to not let her see me be 'weak'). Fun to be with... well, I need to be more interesting. After 7 yrs together I find this the hardest thing to 'improve'. Sensitivity is being worked on the most right now and includes weekly counselling.

The most attractive thing a man can do to get my attention is LOOK ME IN THE EYE - especially when he's talking to me. I prefer glances to sexual passes. Women like subtleness. (is that a word?) We tend to see sexual come ons as you men trying to get something YOU want, not give us something we want. SMILE alot. Any kind of smile from a cute grin to a big laugh - we like to know you are enjoying our company. (this probably works for men and women alike). Be cordial to OTHER people when you are out on the town. Not to the point of neglecting her, but if you see another person (not just a woman) approaching a door you are entering, hold it for them. Women like to be with a man who doesn't think of only himself. Also there's a fine line between being all over a woman and giving a woman your undivided attention. Unless I give the go ahead, I don't want him walking all nuzzled up to me while we are shopping for groceries. I do want him to pay attention to what we are doing, but there's a time and place for nuzzling. etc.

HEE HEE, I just reread the original post and realized you were asking for conversation points. Oops my bad. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Current events are usually good conversation starters. Read up on one a day and mention it in casual conversation. When you come up on one she has an interest in, direct your efforts in that direction. For instance, I like some college and pro sports teams and players. When my hubby hears something about one of them he thinks I'll be interested in, he comes home and tells me. He knows I don't read the news much, and even if I've read it, it opens the conversation for discussion. Maybe she's interested in the war, maybe she's interested in the wreck that happened down town, maybe she's interested in the local economics. Find out her interest. People like to talk about things they are interested in. If you read up on some of her interests, they might become your interests too!

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by jamup:
The most attractive thing a man can do to get my attention is LOOK ME IN THE EYE - especially when he's talking to me. <hr></blockquote><p>Ohhhhhh YEAH .... definitely! Eye contact is the sexiest thing going, and it illustrates his self-confidence. That, and an all knowing smile to go along with that twinkle in his eye.

Men want
1. sex
2. the remote
3. sex
4. the remote
5. sex
6 the remote
7. sex
8. the remote
9. sex
10 the remote<p>women want
1. chocolate
2. toilet seat down
3. chocolate
4. toilet seat down
5. sex with chocolate sprinkles
6. toilet seat down
7. chocolate
8. toilet seat down
9. chocolate
10. toilet seat down<p> [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
ARK

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by ark^^:
Men want
1. sex
2. the remote
3. sex
4. the remote
5. sex
6 the remote
7. sex
8. the remote
9. sex
10 the remote<p>women want
1. chocolate
2. toilet seat down
3. chocolate
4. toilet seat down
5. sex with chocolate sprinkles
6. toilet seat down
7. chocolate
8. toilet seat down
9. chocolate
10. toilet seat down
<hr></blockquote><p>LMAO! Too funny .. thank you, Ark.<p>Someday I'll tell you about my toilet seat adventure. A real eye opener.<p>Jo

HEY Ark...<p>
women want sex too!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL<p>Conversation ...learn what the other persons interests are and make an effort to be interested and perhaps participate. For me it's watching basketball with him, whereas before I'd leave and go do something on my own.I made him his favorite snack...plopped my butt down and watched a game with him. He told me two days later how much that meant to him [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>GO KANSAS!!!!!! <GIGGLE><p>I also agree with showing self confidence, some days its hard ...but I buck up and do it..
besides I AM SO SICK OF THE TEARS MYSELF<p>Peace!

Doc's girl...please skip to number five... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>ARK

Heyn great so I get the message SEX is important- I'd like somne too but he has made it clear that hedoesn't want it from me - or any other physical contact and as he has a girlfriend I guess she meets those needs. Will just have to continue to concentrate on conversation and looks!
Jante

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by crossing_the_ocean:
Confident - Need to work on.
Affectionate - Definately, sometimes too much.
Funny and fun to be with - Funny, need to stop being 'needy' when we're out together.
Sensitive - Big time work needed here.
Intelligent - Most definately. She admires my intelligence.
Athletic - Play many sports, athletic build (6'2 - 195lbs).<hr></blockquote><p>Hi Ocean,<p>After being betrayed, anyone's confidence would take a hit, it's very normal.<p>You need to know that your wife married you for specific reasons, things she loved about you, and you are still that same person. She fell in-love with you, saw things she found so irresistable she couldn't let you get away. Please remember that.<p>And getting back to feeling like yourself again is only a matter of time and care. <p>Once your confidence is back up to par, all your other attractive attributes will fall back into place naturally .... trust me.<p>Jo<p>[ March 14, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>