I recently posted my situation regarding my husband being in love with another woman besides myself...and that he is trying to decide what course to take with his life and where he wants to be. He is telling me that even if he does end up staying with me and working on our marriage, this other woman will NEVER be out of his life. She will always be a friend, if nothing else. He is not willing to completely break ties with her for me or anyone else. She has told him that even if he decides to stay with me, if in the future he wants her back, all he has to do is come to her and say so. If she is involved with anyone else at that time, she will give up whoever she is with to have my husband with her permanently. She has left a lifetime open invitation. The stress that this is causing on me is unbearable. I feel as if I do one thing wrong...he can just walk away and go to her at any time. I feel as if I am constantly walking on eggshells around my own home. I'm exhausting myself trying to do everything for him, prove my love to him, and killing myself physically to show him that I love him and need him. Yet, the threat of her will be in our lives forever. What do I do???? [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

angel<p>that is alien talk for I am in such a fog that most of what I try to pass through my lips will be irrational hogwash.....<p>the statement, the thought, and most especially the reality of that sentiment is unrealistic...<p>batton down the hatches and all those other get ready for the roller-coaster ride to begin cliches...you plan A those empty sentiments give them NO value..smile sweetly at him...and do NOT react....especially no rolling of the eyes..a difficult thing to control for some... [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Some days it may even be hard not to laugh out loud..please find the post dealing with the stupidest things the WS said...<p>Let the stress go...it is an irrational statement...plan A...plan A....for you...to be able to see these things for what they are...<p>peace to you and your home
ARK

Yup, like ARK said... It's typical, if not required for WS's to talk like this for a period of time.<p>The cool thing about Plan A mentality is that you can pull the legs out from under their negativity. Don't do the same "dance" with them - change the moves. For example, right when he thinks he's goaded you into an argument, just up and agree with him - even if you don't. It might sound wishy-washy, but pick the time wisely, and watch 'em scratch their heads, walking away in confusion!! It's almost fun in a sick, twisted, warped kind of way!!<p>My guess is that your d-day was very recent. If so, expect a long road. It isn't easy, but patience is the key in this process. Read everything you can get your hands on - knowledge is power.

Hi, <p>My take is learn what is babble and either babble back or walk away. Try as much as possible to not react to the babble. That is how the WS and OP try to control U. <p>If you learn this, you can save yourself much heartache. <p>L.

My WH was left with an open invitation also, and as long as he has his current job, she'll still be in his life. Fortunately his emotional attachment to her did not run very deep. And the A did not involve sex. Just remember we are all free to walk away at any time. He can have an A with someone else at any time, just like I could. That's where repairing the marriage is so critical. When the marriage is repaired, and his emotional needs are being fulfilled by you, he won't need her to fill them anymore. The fog will lift.