by Mother Teresa<p>"People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
.... Forgive them anyway.<p>If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
.... Be kind anyway.<p>If you are successful, you may win false friends and some true enemies;
.... Succeed anyway.<p>If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
.... Be honest and frank anyway.<p>What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
.... Build anyway.<p>If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
.... Be happy anyway.<p>The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
.... Do good anyway.<p>Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
.... Give the world the best you've got anyway.<p>You see in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway."<p>[ March 15, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

good thoughts

I thought so too, Sing.<p>I'm not a practicing Catholic or anything (non-denominational Christian), but I felt so much comfort and inspiration in her words. <p>Jo<p>[ March 15, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>I thought so too, Sing.<p>I'm not a practicing Catholic or anything (non-denominational Christian), but I felt so much comfort and inspiration in her words. <p>Jo<p>[ March 15, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I'm not a Catholic either & was & will be again non-denominational Christian also. <p>I just have a hard time at church so to say right now. I miss it. I wish I could go back to my old chruch & my friends but I feel the leadership there abandoned me & they know I feel this way & did nothing about it. so how can I worship someplace like that but when I go to other places I feel so lost. and then my favoirte the minster is so good, his sermons are so touching I just have tears rolling down my face. so I don't go & then feel terrible.<p>why can't I stop crying after 3 yrs. I am glad it is over except for a little more legal work. i don't think i miss my stbx, i seem him too much but the hurt of it all is still daily there. I won't it to go away. <p>didn't mean to bring down your good thought thread. but knew you would understand.

I do understand, Sing. So much so I'm tearing up too. It's just so hard, I feel the same, don't want the schmuck back, but the whole thing continues to hurt. <p>You didn't bring me down, I'm happy to be here for you. <p>So, is the incident with your fav church why you've lost your faith in God? Just trying to understand, don't mean to pry.<p>I ask because I had a similar incident with a church. Is was very dissapointing. The first time my H had an affair, on D-Day I was desperate and walked from my house over to a church nearby to pray, a minister was there and I told him I was in crisis and devistated, needing help. He said they weren't taking any more parishoners, and to try another church down the street. <p>OMG .... I was in disbelief. It was very apparent I was in a very bad way and that man turned me away. How Christ like is that???<p>Jo

Thanks Jo---<p>These are things I needed to hear today.<p>Thank you for posting<p>E

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by Resilient:
<strong>You didn't bring me down, I'm happy to be here for you. <p>So, is the incident with your fav church why you've lost your faith in God? Just trying to understand, don't mean to pry.<p>I ask because I had a similar incident with a church. Is was very dissapointing. The first time my H had an affair, on D-Day I was desperate and walked from my house over to a church nearby to pray, a minister was there and I told him I was in crisis and devistated, needing help. He said they weren't taking any more parishoners, and to try another church down the street. <p>OMG .... I was in disbelief. It was very apparent I was in a very bad way and that man turned me away. How Christ like is that???<p>Jo</strong><hr></blockquote><p>you are not prying , very short verison. I had attended this church for over 17 yrs. STBX & I had been very active, STBX had taught Bible class for yr, right up to A and I still was. STBX can rub people the wrong way, so they were afrid to approach him, I didn't encourage them either. But they let the boys (both may sons had never know another church & OS was very active with youth group)and me slip away & no one seem to care. this hurt me so deeply. I could go there Sunday & be welcomed with open arms but I can't get over they didn't care that we weren't there.<p>Between the 2; chruch & STBX yeah. I just can't get in through my head that my marriage ending & OW being in my sons life is better. so I can't undestand why God didn't answer my prayers. I thought Singapore was the answer & then it was such a nightmare. <p>
I can't believe a someone said that to you. So did you find somewhere else?

17 years is a very long time for them not to miss you. I'm sure they do. They may feel you don't want to be contacted, Sing. And then there's the possibility that sometimes it's hard for people to know what to do or say when someone close to them is going thru a crisis they have no experience in dealing with. <p>I also think Infidelity scares people, like it's catchy or something. Have you felt that from people, because I have. I just don't let it get to me, I've decided that what I've been thru is not that uncommon, and people that haven't experienced it in no way can know how you believe your marriage seems fine one day (like they may) and it be in bad trouble the next.<p>Sing, have you considered just showing up at your old church one Sunday with the boys? Maybe to see if anyone approaches you offering an olive branch?<p>Jo<p>After that incident with that minister, I went to a doc-in-the-box and had them write me a prescription for Xanax. Some alternative, huh?

maybe one of these days, I think about it<p>think part of my problem is the boys are usually with their dad on sundays<p>i have never gone to chruch alone in my life, seeing all those families just gets me & when OS is here he wont't go; he really has lost all of his faith, his dad having an A was like pulling the conerstone out from a building <p>i have something I want to email you but don't think I have your email. <p>email me . it maybe tomorrow before I can mail it, as it is on the computer in OS room & that room is now filled with YS & his BF playing PS2, & we are off to see Ice Age soon<p>[ March 15, 2002: Message edited by: sing ]</p>

Thanks Jo,<p>I had read that piece before, but this time I transferred it to a Word document, played with the font style and size, and printed it to post on the bulletin board here at my desk.<p>I have a couple of thoughts from sing's and your posts.
1) Sigh, the sadness will always be there. It will get surpressed deeper and deeper as time passes and will surfce less and less, but it never goes away entirely. In a situation unrelated to infidelity but still a reasonable analogy: 33 years ago my son was born with a birth defect that, while not life-threatening, required surgery five times, three of them in the first 18 months of life. We all recovered nicely, but to this day, if there is the right trigger, I feel the pain as if it were yesterday. I have found that if I tell myself: Yes, I really feel lousy and I'm going to have a good cry and it's perfectly OK!, that I feel a lot better. <p>2) From experience I know that an offense from a church body or a cleric cuts deeper than from a non-religious source, and the feeling of rejection lasts a lot longer. In fact, before my S amd DIL's experience with infidelity, the most deeply disturbing experience I had had was through a situation at church. I didn't return to that church for years although I never questioned my faith, just the organized church. This is one reason I love the message from Mother Teresa. Ultimately, all we have in life is God and ourselves. We cannot depend on happiness from any other source.<p>Love,
Estes

Estes,<p>We're so fortunate to have you here. Your son is one lucky guy, I mean that.<p>Thank you,
Jo