Welcome to the
Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum

This is a community where people come in search of marriage related support, answers, or encouragement. Also, information about the Marriage Builders principles can be found in the books available for sale in the Marriage Builders® Bookstore.
If you would like to join our guidance forum, please read the Announcement Forum for instructions, rules, & guidelines.
The members of this community are peers and not professionals. Professional coaching is available by clicking on the link titled Coaching Center at the top of this page.
We trust that you will find the Marriage Builders® Discussion Forum to be a helpful resource for you. We look forward to your participation.
Once you have reviewed all the FAQ, tech support and announcement information, if you still have problems that are not addressed, please e-mail the administrators at mbrestored@gmail.com
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
#985876 03/15/02 09:22 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 513
F
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 513
O.K. So I don't know if I messed up or not but it sure feels like it.
I am still in limbo and I can't believe it!!!
I spoke with H tonight, I told him that I was tired of the way that he was treating me and his D. I said that I wanted and needed answers.
I asked if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with OW...if so tell me. "I don't know that"
Why aren't you home or willing to come home to work on the marriage. "I don't know"
Why are you trying so hard to hate us? "I don't have to try hard"
If you hate us why are you stringing this thing along? "It would be alot easier if I DID hate you"
Where do we go from here? "Fine we will sell the house and get a divorce"
If that is what you really want. "No, but that is the answer you are looking for isn't it?"
No, you know what I am looking for. "Why isn't just staying in the house as long as my checks still go to you not enough until I figure this out?"
Well if you aren't going to come home what is the point?
"Who said I wasn't coming home...I can't tell the future, I don't know what tomorrow will bring"
I told him that I was tired of being in this marriage alone, that I felt like he was punishing me for what I did to him, and that if he treated anyone else in his life this horribly would they be still loving him, I don't think so! God knows why I still love you. You need to find out why you aren't willing, you need to find a way to be willing if you can't come up with a reason why or you need to decide you won't ever be willing and end this. I have the papers ready for you to sign to sell the house and the Lawyer is typing up the final draft of a legal seperation...where do we go from here?
"I will try hard to find out why I am not willing or am willing"
Now did that conversation go in circles or what? I wanted to get answers and now I am MORE confused than BEFORE the conversation!!! ARRRRRGGGG!!!

#985877 03/15/02 09:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,394
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 2,394
Yup... you LB'd. But that's okay. You're only human. Just try to avoid those triggers in the future, k? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>And yup... that means stop asking your H what he wants, because you'll only continue to get yourself more confused. He is telling you the truth that he honestly doesn't know. You have to find a way to accept that within you, and use that to help motivate you in your plan A. Concentrate on making you the best you you've ever been!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] THAT is how you plan A your heart out - NOT by pounding your H with questions. (that can happen in recovery).<p>You are the one who is capable of making changes right now. You are the one who needs to show stability. You are the one who can prove yourself by your actions. You are the one who is going to show your H what he could be missing out on should he decide to continue with the OW.<p>Now, go treat yourself to a bubble bath or something. You deserve something nice to settle your nerves a bit. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

#985878 03/15/02 10:39 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 4,297
Z
Member
Offline
Member
Z
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 4,297
Faith-n-Hope,<p>You are trying to do the impossible... get a straight answer and reason with a WS while they are in the thick of the fog. It's a waste of energy and very frustrating. The only way though this is for you concentrate on yourself and your daughter. Then when he’s around Plan A him. <p>As long as you pursue him, and that is what you are doing, he will pull away. He knows every word you are going say, every move you are going to make. So he’s not listening to you. Not taking you seriously.<p>Here’s a link you might find helpful.<p>[ March 15, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

#985879 03/15/02 11:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 513
F
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 513
Thanks for the link. I don't know what got into me tonight...I DO know better really. Well he will be here tomorrow, so that is a new day!

#985880 03/15/02 11:19 PM
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 4,297
Z
Member
Offline
Member
Z
Joined: May 2001
Posts: 4,297
Don't be hard on yourself. We all have those days. As long as they are not the norm, you'll be ok.

#985881 03/15/02 11:21 PM
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 513
F
Member
OP Offline
Member
F
Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 513
I can plan A like a pro when he is home...but I have just been looney since he moved in with her...this is just crazy. I crawl into bed knowing he is doing the same with someone else...OUCH! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]


Moderated by  Fordude 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Forum Search
Who's Online Now
0 members (), 154 guests, and 48 robots.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Newest Members
MillerStock, Mrs Duarte, Prime Rishta, jesse254, Kepler
71,946 Registered Users
Latest Posts
Happening again
by happyheart - 03/08/25 03:01 AM
My spouse is becoming religious
by BrainHurts - 02/20/25 11:51 AM
Forum Statistics
Forums67
Topics133,622
Posts2,323,490
Members71,947
Most Online3,185
Jan 27th, 2020
Building Marriages That Last A Lifetime
Copyright © 2025, Marriage Builders, Inc. All Rights Reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5