O.K. So I don't know if I messed up or not but it sure feels like it.
I am still in limbo and I can't believe it!!!
I spoke with H tonight, I told him that I was tired of the way that he was treating me and his D. I said that I wanted and needed answers.
I asked if he wanted to spend the rest of his life with OW...if so tell me. "I don't know that"
Why aren't you home or willing to come home to work on the marriage. "I don't know"
Why are you trying so hard to hate us? "I don't have to try hard"
If you hate us why are you stringing this thing along? "It would be alot easier if I DID hate you"
Where do we go from here? "Fine we will sell the house and get a divorce"
If that is what you really want. "No, but that is the answer you are looking for isn't it?"
No, you know what I am looking for. "Why isn't just staying in the house as long as my checks still go to you not enough until I figure this out?"
Well if you aren't going to come home what is the point?
"Who said I wasn't coming home...I can't tell the future, I don't know what tomorrow will bring"
I told him that I was tired of being in this marriage alone, that I felt like he was punishing me for what I did to him, and that if he treated anyone else in his life this horribly would they be still loving him, I don't think so! God knows why I still love you. You need to find out why you aren't willing, you need to find a way to be willing if you can't come up with a reason why or you need to decide you won't ever be willing and end this. I have the papers ready for you to sign to sell the house and the Lawyer is typing up the final draft of a legal seperation...where do we go from here?
"I will try hard to find out why I am not willing or am willing"
Now did that conversation go in circles or what? I wanted to get answers and now I am MORE confused than BEFORE the conversation!!! ARRRRRGGGG!!!

Yup... you LB'd. But that's okay. You're only human. Just try to avoid those triggers in the future, k? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>And yup... that means stop asking your H what he wants, because you'll only continue to get yourself more confused. He is telling you the truth that he honestly doesn't know. You have to find a way to accept that within you, and use that to help motivate you in your plan A. Concentrate on making you the best you you've ever been!!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] THAT is how you plan A your heart out - NOT by pounding your H with questions. (that can happen in recovery).<p>You are the one who is capable of making changes right now. You are the one who needs to show stability. You are the one who can prove yourself by your actions. You are the one who is going to show your H what he could be missing out on should he decide to continue with the OW.<p>Now, go treat yourself to a bubble bath or something. You deserve something nice to settle your nerves a bit. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

Faith-n-Hope,<p>You are trying to do the impossible... get a straight answer and reason with a WS while they are in the thick of the fog. It's a waste of energy and very frustrating. The only way though this is for you concentrate on yourself and your daughter. Then when he’s around Plan A him. <p>As long as you pursue him, and that is what you are doing, he will pull away. He knows every word you are going say, every move you are going to make. So he’s not listening to you. Not taking you seriously.<p>Here’s a link you might find helpful.<p>[ March 15, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

Thanks for the link. I don't know what got into me tonight...I DO know better really. Well he will be here tomorrow, so that is a new day!

Don't be hard on yourself. We all have those days. As long as they are not the norm, you'll be ok.

I can plan A like a pro when he is home...but I have just been looney since he moved in with her...this is just crazy. I crawl into bed knowing he is doing the same with someone else...OUCH! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]