He just left, I told him that I wasn't, and couldn't do this anymore. That I had nothing left to give. He said that he was still thinking. I told him that he has had 8 months to think, he said "Not really, up till now she has has the upper hand." So I am guessing, just guessing mind you, I am not even sure that I care, that the OW is losing points with him. That the life they dreamed about was when they didn't have the responsibility of everything. He asked if I wanted a hug just before he left, I said no. He just said OOOOOKKKKK. You know like wow! Or Shock or something...I don't know, will wait a VERY short time and see.

Hi FnH,
I know how you feel. My H has been living next door for six months now and I can't take it any more either! I told him I wanted to sell our house and move. He actually told me that I had more time to think about this than he has!! Talk about being in a FOG!! Do what is right for YOU! You are the only one who knows what that is. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
BH

Thank you for your reply. You know, it is sad to watch them in this state of mind. They are so not them!!! I will pray for you tonight, and you know, when they wake up, reguardless if we are there or not, I would not want to have to deal with what they will.

All I can say, is that if you're truly ready to move to plan B, you'll feel the same way in a few days. Start working on your plan B letter to your H now though - then it's one less thing to worry about. Your inner confidence will increase writing it out too - because you'll be able to SEE what your boundaries are, and what you really need from your H, and most importantly, what you need for YOU.<p>The day I felt like I couldn't REALLY do it anymore was amazing for me. I told my H that I would be in plan B the next day. The relief was incredible! WOW!!! Humph! In my case, H wanted to start working things out the next day (after he had a full day with our almost 2 yr old at the time - alone!). I rushed into it though. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] Our M is paying for that now... but we ARE working on it. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Keep us posted! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

You're right. It is sad. They are not the men we married and have loved. These women they are with have not won anything. The men they have are just a shell of the men we had. Hopefully someday the men we love will reappear. If not, then we will have the assurance that we did everything we could to restore our marriages. The only thing that gets me through is knowing that he is not the man I love...not even close. Hang in there! We will get through this with the help of our fellow MB'ers and with the help of God.
BH

FnH,<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>he said "Not really, up till now she has has the upper hand. <hr></blockquote><p>Your WH seems to think he is the grand prize who will be gifted upon the woman who turns in the highest bid. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thinking of you,
Estes

Faith-<p>I think what Topie says is exactly right. Write the Plan B letter, then wait a few days and see how you feel. Then look at the letter again, if you still feel the same way, chances are you are ready to go to Plan B.<p>I struggled with Plan B for about 3 weeks before I finally did it. Each time I thought I would go to Plan B, something would happen to make me reconsider. Finally, last Friday, I had enough of the double-talk, continued lies and deceptions, printed out the letter and went right to Plan B.<p>It really felt like the right thing to do, it is hard, but the burden that has been lifted off of me is tremendous!<p>Before you go to Plan B, make sure you know exactly what your boundaries are for Plan B and stick to them. If you can break off all contact with WH, thats best. But, if you absolutely have to communicate with him (such as with kids), make sure you know exactly what the guidelines are, and do not deviate from them.<p>One thing that has helped me is to realize that the woman I married and loved for the last 14 years is gone. The woman who has taken her place is not the same, she is the complete opposite, she is a complete stranger, she is someone who I do not like at all. If/when the woman I love comes back, then I will go back to Plan A, but until then, she will only see the Plan B side of me.

WOW! Thank you! I will write more tomorrow, just tired, unfortunatly sleep wont take care of it all.

Faith,<p>I have kept silent through your last few posts, because I did not want to jeopardize anything you were working on, but I am so glad you are to the point where you realize that he can't have it both ways. The truck thing really did me in on my hope for your H to turn around. I think he loves you, but I think he's been getting the royal treatment. It's time to pull the red carpet out from under him. God is with you. Maybe he will see what he has done to you. I sure hope so. I think you and your DD have been through the ringer. "Yea, though I walk through the Valley of Death, I will fear no evil..." God is with you, as are my prayers and support.<p>As well as I know you through these circuits, I love you.<p>Hoping

Hoping,
Thank you so much. I think that he loves me too. I found out tonight through a friend that the OW is yelling and screaming at him, (me just having a bad attitude got me in trouble), that the house was so dirty that this friend of ours wouldn't even think about taking a shower let alone do it, and that my H hadn't slept in days. He asked H why are you doing this to ****** and ********? H said I really don't know...I do but can't describe it.
We had a nice time today, no expectations, cards laid out etc.
As for the truck, yes, that was over the top, but looking at it now, the truck is 1. Not as important as my family. 2. Yes it is a old, but has alot of sentimental things about it, but them being together in it ruined it. 3. I really DON'T want it anymore. If we do get it back then it will go somewhere else, charity...4. I don't know if we can keep this house...ruined. I also have, as I said things to overcome now. Living with her has added a new dimension.
Yes, the Lord has been my only strength through this, at times I have had to say there is absolutley no "me" in this. If there was there would have been blood shed...well close anyway! Thank you for your prayers and thoughts [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Well good morning!!! H called me this morning to see if I wanted to meet him at Toys r Us to go b-day shopping for our D. Plan A. I think I forgot how to. Some refreshers for todays situation would be ducky. I hope that I am in the last lap! Hee Hee Maybe I will buy a squirt gun and shoot him with it to make me feel better! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi FNH,<p>Well you spirit seem more upbeat. You are learning to move forward. There is no standing still in this mess. A truck is a truck is a truck (the truck can be replaced) but a family you can not be replaced. People will come and go. But families and their memories will always be in our hearts.<p>The fact that your H's confusion is visible to others will atest to your credibility and hopefully the demise of the A. Good. Let others do that for you. <p>In the meantime, work on keeping yourself strong. This does not mean that you are but find out what part of your H's personality works well with yours and let that part of your personality shine. <p>ex: In my case, I am a very self sufficient person. I tried my hardest to do most of the work around the house so that my H would not be burdened with home responsibilities. WRONG!!! In the fog, this means more time for the WS to become a WS and play. All at our expense! <p>So for me, I had to learn to give H more responsibility. Great. In turn I have the benefit of meeting a need of mine, more time. Well there is always more to do around the home and with the family so 'me' time is still lacking but family time is getting better. <p>See where this is going? Hope this helps. <p>Hugz,
L.

Orchid, I am a little more upbeat, it is nice to KNOW that things aren't all rosey over there. I think that my H does love me, just you know foggy.
I think all of this may "pay-off" soon. I understand what you are saying completely. Plan A ideas for today? My bwain weally hurts!!! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Go shopping..... always helps especially if he is willing to pay!!! uh........is that plan A?!?!? Hm...........<p>
Awh.......just go have some fun. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>L.

Yes, spending the day away form the house with the man that I love having fun will be nice...I miss that. Orchid...would you please contact me with your addy? I have something I would like to bring up...my addy is GurlzHappy@msn.com Thanks!

Hi, <p>I'm stuck at work and don't have access to my e-mail so here it is: lhmkem@yahoo.com<p>I will look you up when I get home this afternoon. <p>L.

K, I will be able to get to it after I get home, I have to go to get the sitter. Can't take D. Bday shopping any more. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Everyone! Orchid, I am sorry that I didn't get back to you, I had alot of thoughts to figure out.
We went shopping together for b-day. I got there early, by about 30 min. he was already there sleeping in the Toyota. He saw me smiled got out and we went shopping! Then we went out for a 4:00 in the afternoon dessert. We talked a bit more. Not a whole lot to talk about at this point...not until a decision is made one way or another. We looked around in a pet store. Then we talked a bit more out in the Toy. I asked him if he would want to wait a whole lot longer for closure if he were me? He said no. I told him that me and our D needed that. He is going to give me a call to let me know when he will make a decision.
It sounds as if he has no life with her, he spends his days on the weekend taking her to work, waiting until it is time to pick the kids up and then picks her up from work.
The same on the weekdays, he rushes from work to get her and get the kids...shovels dinner,if he's lucky, showers and falls into bed and hopes he can sleep! I told him that he had been there a month, he said really that long? (Well yeah, he's been running his booty off!)
She called when we were talking I know that it was because I was in the vehicle, but when she said I love you, he said it back but in the tone he used to tell me when he was appeasing me...I know that tone well.
I knew that he had been telling her that all along, but to hear it...I can't even describe what it did to me...especially when that sould have been me. He asked if I was o.k. and I told him what I just said.
He said that he would let me go and call in a couple of days, I told him to take care and that I would take him up on that hug now.
Then I left.
Things are looking so up, why do I feel so lonley and sad? Hmmmm...Hoping that the fog is clearing for him and that this nightmare will end soon, but I am not holding my breath...I would pass out! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Definitely.<p>It almost sounds as though you are the OW. I cried for you all last night, and prayed. I am hoping this all turns out the way I think it should. But, I am not God. But, if He restores your marriage, and in His time, it won't be broken again, I hope. <p>Take care, Faith.<p>Hoping

HOPING4,
Wow, thatnk you...we will be married 6 years in Aug! You are very sweet and yes when God puts something back together there are no do over's he does it right!