Yes, this is a vent, a huge one!<p>Cripes, has WS just gone completely insane?<p>WS left the house at 10:00 this morning to 'run some errands', told the kids she would be home in a few hours, but she would call them every hour to make sure they are ok.<p>D called me at 1:00. said mom isnt home and hadn't called yet, nothing in the house for lunch. I was on my way home from the airport (pick up IL's) and told her I would be there shortly. Took the kids to lunch and let them play for a while. Brought them home at 3:00, mom not home yet. <p>I had to go to work so I told them to call me in an hour, which they did, mom still not home, but she called, said something about fighting with OM and didnt know when she was going to be home. D just called, its 6 pm, which makes it 8 hours since she left.<p>This is complete BS. I will not tolerate this kind of crap from her. I will be calling social services to see what I can do. D has been keeping a list of when WS is gone and for how long, I told her to keep it up-to-date because it may be needed.<p>If WS wants to live in that Land of OZ, its time I send out the Flying Monkeys.

CAUTION, CAUTION, CAUTION. Involving CPS or whatever name it goes by where you live is an extremely dangerous thing to do. I could tell you nightmare story after nightmare story of parents who tried to get help that way and ended up losing their children and their parental rights altogether. Some of them whose parental rights haven't even been terminated have found their children's pictures on county up-for-adoption websites.<p>Do not assume that being a fit parent will protect you and your children. Many fit parents and their children have been victimized by child protective agencies. They will not automatically see your W as a bad guy and you as the good guy. They assume ALL parents are guilty until proven innocent, and they are more likely to do whatever keeps up their federal and state funding than anything else.<p>The very fact that you have 4 children puts your family at greater risk. (Large families are a high-risk group for CPS abuse because they think it's easier to prove neglect plus more children=more $.)<p>To learn more on how to protect you and your children, please see www.cpswatch.com .<p>Does your W have a custody order? Is there an injunction against you taking physical custody of your children?<p>I'm worried about your daughter possibly feeling in the position of spying and recordkeeping on her mother. This is too much pressure for a child. When she calls you during these incidents, it's because she wants rescue and help. She needs to be able to turn it over to you to deal with. I suggest keeping it low-key with the kids, no outrage/shock/disbelief (too scary for kids). With their mother acting out, they really need you to be a rock of Gibraltor, for you to calmly step in and competently take care of what needs doing so they can feel safe.<p>If the children sense agitation and alarm from you, it exacerbates their feeling of powerlessness. (If even DAD is upset and worried, etc., then it must be REALLY BAD!) Your strength and calm in the storm is what they need to hang on to.

That was the best subject line for a post since we first heard about moose brain worms. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Seriously, I recommend you not call out the flying monkeys or even the alien watchers from Roswell.<p>Do what you need to do to care for your kids and let her continue to crash and burn. It's too early to throw her the life ring. Perhaps take this information to your attorney and start the process to reverse your roles, like JL suggested the other day: you move home and let her find an apartment. In other words, I think you should NOT try to get her to fulfill her responsibilities for the kids, you should take them from her.<p>I know it's tough, but keep trying to see the dark humor in all this to help you remember she's the one who needs mental floss.<p>WAT

LHS,<p>You have received some very good advice, I hope you can follow it. Get yourself home, she is the one that needs to move out.<p>Keeping your humor (Flying monkeys) is good you need that to get through the stuff like this and what is yet to come. If your not laughing your crying!! I like laughing myself.<p>How old is your daughter? Should she be having this much responsibility? Don't put her in the middle between the two of you. Why did she start writing these things down in the first place? She can journal her thoughts and feelings about being left by your wife, but not as a record or report to be given.<p>Just my 2 cents.<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: daybreak ]</p>

Update to yesterday-<p>W came home a little bit after I did and I was ready to lay into her, but there was something in her face that really concerned me. I asked her if everything was ok and she said, no, but it isn't your problem. I told her that if my kids are left alone for almost 9 hours it most definitely is my problem.
I asked her again if everything was ok and said we should go upstairs and talk.<p>Well, we had an interesting conversation to say the least! Apparently W had spent the entire day at OM's hotel room fighting with him. Turns out that he had been lying to her the whole time. He never filed the D paper, never intended to, he has been seeing his W on a regular basis (imagine that, he's having an A with his own W!), he told W that he didn't think he could ever be honest or faithful with her and on and on. W told me she doesn't even think she loves him anymore and definitely doesn't want to marry him because she cant trust him. She even called OM's W to tell her that they were still involved and to verify what OM was saying was true, it was.<p>I asked her what she was going to do. She said she wants to be rid of him but doesn't know how. I told her to stop ALL contact, read SAA and see how to do it. She said she is too weak, that even a phone call from him would put her back in his arms. I asked her if she thought this is what true love was, she said no, asked her if she was happy living this way, she said no. I told her that I have some friends who were WS's and know exactly what she is going through and if she was interested in contacting them for help, said she would think about it.<p>So, W said she had to go out to get some things, I told her I would stay at the house tonight and help her, but only if she stayed. Guess what, she never came back. I called OM's cell and W answered, I asked what the he** she was doing, she said nothing is going on (sex), I just want to try and make things right. I told her that once again I offered to help and she shoved it back in my face, said she better work it out with him because I am through trying.<p>W came home at midnight, said OM told her to go home. Then, W asked me to get her the names of my friends I mentioned because she really needs help ending all contact with OM. I'm going to make another post asking for volunteers. I get the feeling that the A is really starting to hit the skids, I hope W sees it for what it really was now.

Hello LHS,
The advice you received regarding cps and placing too much responsibility on d is sounds. Listen to it!
It appears she is at crash and burn mode, so where does that leave you and kids? It is time to think about how you are going to handle this since you were in plan b. Obviously she needs support, so are you ready to go back to plan a?
(((((hugs))))) keep the kids healthy and safe!