Started with MC recently. About 5 minutes into the session, the MC asked me what the problem was, and I told him about some of the evidence I had that my WS had had an A. I told him I had received no answers about anything. He asked me to leave the room. The rest of the session he spent with WS, and then called me back into the room. He said that WS would not tell me WS had betrayed me with the birth control items I had found in S's possession because in S's brain and in S's heart S had not betrayed me. What am I supposed to make of this? What do you make of this? Is he saying WS did have an A, but that S just won't admit it?

Fine, tell him no one has to admit anything...BUT you want a factual report of all his activiites....then you decide for yourself....if he claims privacy, tell em privacy is not part of your marital agenda, and don't come back until he is willing to include disclosure in his agenda....that is pretty simple, and leaves absolutely no room for interpretation....or argument.

I agree with SNL. It doesn't matter if your WS calls it a baloney sandwich and doesn't view it as "betrayal," you have an absolute right to know what is going on. This is about YOUR LIFE and it is wrong to withhold it from you. Your spouse is not entitled to the privacy to destroy your life. Period.

Ditto with ML and SNL. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
BH

I would say to both H and MC that I would assume the obvious unless and until it is proven to me otherwise. And I would add that continued lack of disclosure about something so important to me will continue to adversely affect my emotional well-being, my security in the R, and possibly my commitment to the R.<p>And yes, it does sound to me like the MC is trying to tell you something without telling you something, which bothers me since when you're in this situation it is definitely not helpful to add yet more nebulousness to agonize about on top of your H's. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] I'd be likely to try to pin the MC down with some pretty tough questions along those lines: What EXACTLY does that mean? That type of nebulous statement increases my anxiety. I prefer that you speak plainly to me about the issue or not at all because the added burden of decoding mixed messages from you is not helpful to me or my M. It is reality that will be most helpful.<p>[ March 18, 2002: Message edited by: Conqueror ]</p>

I interpret it as the counselor saying that your H had an affair (or more) and he's not about to admit to it. If there had been no affair, there would not have been any evidence and he would have said so very clearly.<p>I'd advise you to tell both your H and the MC that you take what was said as an admition to an affair.<p>Yep, you need to have a heart to heart with your counselor. An awful lot of MC's do not help build marriages. Instead they help the couple transition to divorce. <p>You may want to read the book "Divorce Busting" (www.divorcebusting.com). It as a very good discusstion on counseling, types of counseling and how to pick a counselor.<p>You may also benefit from a session or two with Dr. Harley.<p>I would think from what you said that your MC does not buy into 'radical honesty'. Not acceptable at all.<p>[ March 18, 2002: Message edited by: zorweb ]</p>

Thank you for all of your replies. The MC said this at the end of the session, and then told me I will meet with him alone next. I intend to have MC explain the statement. I was just curious what your thoughts were as all of you know what I'm going through. I believe WS has painted a very different picture than what is actually going on. My session will lay it all out there for the MC. As far as "divorce busting" goes, I'm not sure that I am overly opposed to divorce at this point. My T thinks my WS has a specific PD, but she has never seen WS. What I am hoping to achieve from this MC is whether he agrees with my T or thinks something else is involved. The session was a good one from my standpoint, I was just curious about reading between the lines until I can meet with MC.