I registered with MB last May right after finding out about my H's A. I read and read and read and then I took a break for a while. I am back again because I am struggling and perhaps I can get the best input, advice, help, etc from those who have been through the same thing.<p>To be as brief as possible, I walked in on the A in April of 2001...my H and I immediately went into counseling, but things were not changing. My H moved out in Oct. In Dec 2001 (within 24 hours) I found out that my H was still having an A AND he was also living with a second woman that he had gotten to move to where we live (overseas). He had all three of us going at the same time.<p>I fell apart as I thought I was working on my marriage and my H told me he wanted to move back in. My H never was able to be honest with any of the women in his life. He was so good at lying that it took the other women a while to figure out what kind of person he really is. By the end of Dec the woman had moved out and he was completely alone. <p>I have been in contact with my H for about a month now. He is sorry for what he has done and he wants to work on things, but he isn't doing what is necessary to really repair this marriage. Right now he is also not the kind of man that God wants him to be. He just took things SOO far that he doesn't know where to start now...how could he face friends, family, the church, etc. I have filed for divorce and today I sign the final paperwork. He is not contesting anything or trying to claim anything (I am the breadwinner and I stayed in our apt). <p>I am SO confused. My family and I are not speaking now because they are so upset that I am in contact with him. For me it is a heart/head issue. I know in my head that signing these papers is the right thing. But, my heart is not convinced. My H and I see each other about 2-3 times a week for about 2 hours. We are talking and I have so much love for him, but I don't know how it could ever work between us. He did SO MANY awful things to me...the lies were so incredible and unbelievable. I was treated for an STD. My head tells me I am insane to want to live with this man again because of all the problems he has, but my heart just has love. Everyone in my community here (in Asia) and at home in the US knows. It seems impossible right now to be able to ever be able to live again together because everyone knows how terrible he was. Has anyone been in this situation? How did you cope? Were you able to ever rebuild your marriage again? How did others react? Thanks for any advice...

DT,<p>As the site says "Marriage Builders" you can do that if you want to. It doesn't matter what others say or think. But what are you willing to accept from WH. Is WH willing to implement MB principals to re-build your marriage? Can you do this? Are you willing to give it sometime? It doesn't sound like you can walk a way yet, it is hard. It is a tough battle between heart and head!<p>Best wishes to you in your decision.<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

That is the part that is hard. Right now I cannot accept what my H is doing...what I mean is that he isn't doing what is necessary to save a marriage...or rebuild one. I just don't know if time will change that or if I just need to move on.

Not so long ago, I was in pretty much your exact position. My husband had expressed a desire to return home and work on our marriage, but he'd done so many horrible things that I wasn't sure if things would ever work for us. After obsessing and antagonizing for almost a week, I realized I was so worried over making the "right" decision that I couldn't make a decision at all. I decided to do what I wanted and went with my heart (despite the advice of most people here and both my family and his). <p>We had a long talk before I agreed to allow him to come home -- in which he said some of the things I needed to hear. He accepted responsibility (without trying to turn it around so in the end it was still somehow my fault), he agreed to individual counseling (he has his first session tonight) and marriage counseling, he admited he has a problem (although not necessarily a sexual addiction). <p>It's only been 2 weeks, but things seem to be going okay. He's doing a lot of things right and I can tell he is making an effort. <p>Good luck to you.