I was finally starting to feel better about things and now this. My H told me on Friday at 2:30 that he would sign the Real Estate papers to sell the house. I was so happy that I would be able to move away from this situation. Living next door to him and her is tortuous to say the least. I can't stop crying. He won't sign the papers now. He told me tonight that he talked to a lawyer on Friday and was advised that he shouldn't sign the papers!! Now I am going to be stuck here living in torture until the divorce is final. OHHHH I COULD JUST KILL MYSELF!! I won't ...don't worry. I don't have enough courage to do that. I am just so sick of living like this. He is actually parked right outside of my door!! Why is he doing this to me???? I was a good...no better than good....I was a great wife!! I was loving, kind, encouraging, respectful. The biggest thing that I didn't do for him was that I didn't garden and I didn't smoke grass. STUPID ME!!! Oh.....I am soooo mad right now. I have tried so hard to be fair and nice...but no more. NO MORE MRS. NICE GUY!!! I am going to the lawyer as soon as he can see me and get things moving as fast as they can move. WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO ME AND TO HIS KIDS????
I needed to vent all of this. To whomever reads this...thanks for listening (reading). I am so sad and so angry.
BH

I don't have much to say, but I want to say that I am sorry. I understand those feelings of, "HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!?" I understand the words, "I was a really good wife." I have said that over and over and I believe it...and everyone knows it. I know you were too.

I'm sorry for your pain and I understand you are suffering but I hope you will see a doctor soon and ask about anti-depressants. You post worries me. No one or nothing is worth feeling better off dead. Please take care. I am praying for you.

Sorry for your pain, that would be horrible to live next door. What about renting your place?<p>That is all that I can think of for now. When I get into situations, I keep saying "what can I do to solve this, there must be an anwser." Also prayers to that effect. <p>Take a deep breath, and know that you will get through this. You are better than this. You will find an answer.

Thanks everyone. I just wish i could stop crying. I wrote a plan b letter last week. I know now that it is time to give it to him. I just can't take anymore from him. I have plan A'd for the past 6 months...enough is enough. I will give him the letter next week. Thanks for the support and please don't worry about me. I will be OK. I am so thankful to God for MB and the support I get from this site. I know that divorce is inevitable but I also know that I did the best I could to save this marriage. I will survive!!
BH

I like the idea of renting your okace until the divorce is final.<p>Be prepared for a difficult Plan B if he lives next door. Just think about what your response will be if he shows up at your doorstep.<p>I also have asked why is WH now thwarting my attempts to move forward. It's what he says he wants, and then he won't sign the papers etc.<p>It's a control thing I think. Thay want the new life without giving up the control they have over us in the old. It;s called reality setting in.<p>This too will pass. Take care of you. K

God is in Control...I love your name!! You are definitely right...it is a control issue. He actually said that he thought I was trying to control him by pushing him into signing the real estate papers!! I don't get it. How can he expect me to live next door to him and his s@@t???? God will provide. I have to believe that or else I couldn't survive. Thanks GIIC. I really don't know what i would do without God, MB'ers and my family.
BH

Me? I'd throw parties every weekend, loud, happy, annoying parties. Tupperware parties. Church groups. Anything to show I wasn't sitting there pining away.
And I would never, ever, ever let them see me with anything but a big smile, if it killed me. Like the commercial says "Never let 'em see ya sweat."
I'd send the kids over there every evening to see Daddy. And I'd shove my dog through the fence to poop in their yard. I'd play loud music on Sunday morning. I'd do these things if it killed me. I'd be the worst neighbor in history!<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: diddallas ]</p>

brokenhearted, I hope you do follow through on Plan B and also contact your lawyer to see if there is anyway you get this house sold. This is cruel and unusual punishment to expect you to sit next door and watch this A take place. I have nothing but the greatest admiration for your restraint in this situation.

Thanks DD and ML....I am contacting my lawyer tomorrow to see if there is anything I can do. I like the idea of the dog pooping on J's lawn. I might do that!! I feel like I am losing my restraint. I want him to suffer like I am suffering. Money will make him suffer. Is this wrong???? Do I make him suffer like I am suffering?? I don't think that is what MB is all about but I can't stop feeling like that/

Here's a hug (((((((BH))))))) sounds like you could use some!<p>You said: "I want him to suffer like I am suffering. Money will make him suffer. Is this wrong???? Do I make him suffer like I am suffering?? I don't think that is what MB is all about but I can't stop feeling like that/"<p>I think: "I want him to suffer like I am suffering." That is a legitimate feeling, though probably best vented here and not expressed to him.<p>I think: "Do I make him suffer like I am suffering??" is probably not possible anyway - you could try, but he would probably be happy knowing he got a reaction out of you. I'd ignore as much as possible.<p>I think: "I don't think that is what MB is all about but I can't stop feeling like that/" is a legitimate feeling. You're right, that isn't what MB is about, trying to make someone suffer, but expressing feelings honestly is.<p>I think: I probably don't really have any right to tell you what I think because if I were in you're situation I wouldn't be thinking! I would be too mad. So I'm really impressed you are venting here instead of doing something you might regret later.

Gawd .... I don't know how you're doing this, BH.<p>Okay ... I'm gonna be REAL non-MB and call this woman living with your H NEXT DOOR an unbelievable amoral Big FAT sl_tty PIG! And your H is not too much better, I'm sorry to say. Pheeewwww! There I feel better.<p>BH, you're doing all you can legally do right now, tomorrow see that attorney of yours and inform him you are at the end of your rope with this happening next door and he needs to help you tie a LEGAL knot to hang on. <p>Seems you should be able to rent out your house like someone here mentioned, and get the heck outta there, it's very emotionally unhealthy. I just don't know how you've held up all this time. <p>You have my prayers for tomorrow's appt., Hon.<p>God Bless,
Jo<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Oh Jo, I was hoping you were out there.. I can't take this any more. I am so sad. I am going to call my lawyer tomorrow. Hopefully he will be able to see me. I guess i just don't understand how this happened. He told me Fri that he would sign the real estate paper and I would be able to move away. I can't sleep...I can't stop crying.
Having an affair is awful enough to deal with.. having it happen right next door with one of your best friends is too much to bear.
I don't know what to do.
Where do I go from here.
BH

Here's what you do ..... whatever it takes, you move out of that house. Then you stick to all the MB principals, perhaps stay in Plan A for a term and see how things are after not being next door and no longer in that torturous situation. <p>I'm so sorry this has gone on as long as it has. All of us here know how hard this is, but to have it next door in your face 24/7 is beyond cruel.<p>You let your attroney know that emotionally it's manditory to move out of your house. Ask him what the legal options are. Make sure that you will in no way lose your legal or financial rights to the house if you move.<p>BH ... try your best to get some sleep tonight. Tell yourself tomorrow there will be answers and relief for you, and pray ... and we all will pray for you too. Okay hon? Please be okay.<p>Be sure to post and let us know what happens tomorrow.<p>Love to you,
Jo<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: Resilient ]</p>

Be Gentle....thanks for the reply. You are right... MB principles doesn't call for me making him suffer like I am suffering. I appreciate the support. He is making it so hard to stay calm and stick with MB principles. Like my sig says....the sun will come up tomorrow. I have to believe that. Otherwise I would not be able to function. thanks for the support BG. It is hard...but we will all get through this with the support of our fellow MB'ers.
BH

Hi Jo,
I don't think I will be able to sleep tonight. I am too wound up. Thanks so much for your support. It has been so awful living next door to this. I have had enough and hopefully my lawyer wil be able to give me some adivce on how to move away from here. This has been such hard nigh but knowing I had support here helped me get through it. thanks for being there Jo and everyone else who read, prayed and responded.
BH

You can get an over the counter sleeping agent called "Calmplex 2000". It's all natural. It should help you relax so you can fall asleep easier.<p>Maybe try that. Can you get to the store tonight?<p>Jo

I have had some wine and wouldn't feel comfortable driving. But maybe my daughter could go for me. She is 21 and could pick it up for me. Since I have had some wine tonight, I will try it tomorrow night. Unless it is OK to take it with alcohol. I don't usually drink so under normal cirumstances, I would try this. If Val can go pick this up for me I will take it tomorrow night. Thanks Jo.
BH

{{{brokenhearted}}} [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I so wish that there was something I could do to help. Do you think you can get in to see a lawyer Monday or Tuesday? <p>What does your daughter say about what her father is doing?<p>I honestly do not know how your H can look himself in the mirror. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img] Does he claim to be a religious man?<p>Sometimes it is literally hard to breath when I try to comprehend the total irrationality of blatant adultery, the absolutely cruel disrespect that one person subjects another to. I cry,"It's not fair! This should not be happening! She can't really be doing this." Then words fail me as I have to acknowledge that yes, she is doing this to my family. <p>So what to do? Cry a lot and move one step closer to acceptance. Then do it again. I think that once you are in regular contact with a lawyer, you will feel more empowered.<p>What I wish is that all your MB friends could form a circle of protection around you until this is over. This is such an awful situation. Your H should be so ashamed of himself. Nobody with any decency does this!!<p>Estes

OHHH Estes thanks so much for your support. I am sitting here feeling sorry for myself. I do not want to put myself through this misery any more. I will see my lawyer as soon as he can see me. Hopefully he will tell me I can do SOMETHING to get me out of this tortuous situation. I appreciate your heartfelt words. I pray for you too. I will never understand how people can do this to someone they supposedly loved. UGHHHH. Thanks Estes! It is nice to have such a wonderful support group at MB,
BH<p>[ March 17, 2002: Message edited by: brokenhearted ]</p>