About 8 days after I found out about my Wife, I had a really terrible experience.<P>I couldn’t sleep & was sobbing in bed (DUH!). She got up & went to the couch. I went out a few minutes later & told her to go back to bed, I would sleep on the couch. She got EXTREMELY pissed off & started yelling at me. I was on my knees crying so hard. She just screamed at me, “I will sleep on the couch. Go to bed or I’ll leave!” I told her, “please don’t hurt me any more“, but she was so pissed off. I mean, talk about shoving a hot poker in my eye! Man, I can’t believe how cold She was to me. It was like a dagger through the heart.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html</A> <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Chris (CA123) (edited September 11, 1999).]

Aw Chris - I don't know what to say....<BR>A BIG HUG to you!!!!<P>I know what I want to say about her behavior ----but mustn't go there!!!<P>You're a great guy and she was and still is a product of fantasy induced cloning!! That was not your Wife talking......not the unconfused Wife anyway.<P>How did you get to thinking on that?<P>Jeez - I can't remember such scenes so vividly : just flashes now and then.<P>Probably cause there were a real lot of them for me.<P>Those are yucky!!! Don't stay with those kind of memories, not good!!!<P>I liked your story on the 1st met spouse/so thread......Nice chaplain you had there!!!!! <P>Those are our spouses....those are our memories!!!!!<P>I know you have to hurt - just don't stay there......get off that damn medicine!!!! Not helping!!!<P>HUGS AND STRENGTH to you.<P>Sheba

Sheba, Yeah I’m probably gonna change meds next week when I see the Dr. Not that I’m drinking anything right now either .<P>Why did I get thinking about this? I don’t know. Don’t seem to have many memories of the Wife anymore. Really pretty sad. I took down a family pix two nights ago.<P>About the only thing I can picture of her in my mind is when she was her back in May. Man, is she gorgeous! We didn’t look at each other except for a few seconds, but I Love Her so much! I know she will wake up pretty soon! I’m looking into trips to the Bahama/Bermuda for Christmas for me & the kids. Don’t wanna be around home on Christmas night.

Know what you mean about X-mas!!<P>I'm starting to feel crappy - have events coming up - !0th Anniversary, my birthday, the Holidays.....Argh!!!!<P>I don't know if I'm gonna make it......<P>H has been calling and whatever for 2 weeks just about everyday. During that time still did stuff like say he was coming over and then not show up - pretty predictable with the way he is since all this.....this week -nothing, nada, zip, zilch.......F*@*d again!!!!<P>Oh screw it.....just add it to the list!! It doesn't matter...I don't matter.....so what's the point!!!<P>

Chris -<P>I came back here to apologize - I shouldn't have written that last post of mine ....... you are in pain and my garbage is the last thing you need to hear......I'm very sorry and did not mean to bum you further!!!<P>Now, let me get to what I'm really supposed to be doing here - discussing your feelings!!<P>What do you mean you can't remember much? Does that mean that the bad memories are blocking out the good? You have to remember the good stuff - like you did about how you guys fell in love and the chaplain's rendevous setup!!!<P>She will wake up soon!! And when she does - you'll have to help her remember all those good and precious memories and moments that you have shared.<P>You said that you haven't been good about your journaling - well here's a good assignment for you!!! Start thinking and writing down as much good and pleasant stuff as you can!! The more you try the more you'll think of and the better you'll feel.<P>You can't tell me that the good doesn't outway the bad!!!! That's not even the case in my mess!!!!! LOL!!!<P>Hugs and again, I'm sorry for having a moment while talking with you.<P>Sheba

Sheba and Chris,<BR> I am soooo sad for the pain you are both in tonight. [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/frown.gif[/img]<BR>You are both such special people, neither of you deserve to be put through this pain<BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Chris}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P><BR>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Sheba}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>------------------<BR>Just call me - Deb<BR>------------------------<BR>The only day I can do anything about is today, yesterday is gone, tomorrow is not yet mine.<P>

Dear Chris (CA123) - <P>I have been following your story for quite some time. I have been lurking since mid July but just started posting myself about a week ago. Your story is amazing in many ways to me...primarily because of the way you persevere through all the pain and torment your W is putting you through and yet you still have the capacity to love her. Man, I respect that so much. You must be one heck of a guy. On top of all that, you are also caring for your two lovely daughters (I opened your western photo a while back!) while your W has completely abandonded you. God bless you Chris!<P>I also take extreme interest in your story because mine parallels it very closely. Although my W and I don't have any kids, W left me in June to live with a foreign (Dutch) rich executive who recently relocated here from Europe. He is married with 4 kids...his W lives in Germany and has no intention of moving here. OM has told my W that he cannot divorce his W because of the social stigma divorce carries in Germany and that "it would hurt her too much". I say bullsh*t - everyone can see right through this guy. He is using my wife for sex and sex alone, although my W thinks he is her "soulmate" (oh how I hate that expression).<P>You have one advantage over me my friend...your W hasn't yet filed for divorce. Last week I got served papers. Talk about a humiliating experience. In MN (my state), divorces can be had in as little as 3-4 months. I've asked my lawyer to try to stretch it out at least until the beginning of 2000 - he said no problem. By then, either she should have snapped out of it (if I believe the Harley 6 month statistic), or I will have gathered enough strength to accept the inevitable and move on in my life.<P>I know how much the waiting sucks Chris. I have renewed my faith - I tell you that in itself has saved me (no pun intended!) I can tell from your posts that you are deeply spiritual so I probably dont have to tell you.<P>Your inner strength is really an inspiration to me Chris. Please don't give up...the fat lady has not sung yet!

Shattered,<BR>I know that six months seems like a long time now. Like Chris' wife, my H has been gone over six months now. I am not about to accept the "inevitable". Many affairs continue for more than six months - but the statistics show that most end with 2 years of discovery. I figure there is another year and a half to go before I even think about giving up hope, though my H filed for divorce the day after discovery, almost 5 months ago. Of course my situation is somewhat different from yours, since my H and I have six children and have been together almost 25 years.<P><p>[This message has been edited by Nellie1 (edited September 11, 1999).]

Nellie1 - Good morning to you. Thanks for the reply. I don't know how you do it. I hear that with time, the going gets easier, but I cannot and will not wait like that. Even six months for me will be an eternity. I will be turning 40 in a week, and I figure life is too short to waste waiting. I've given myself and my W until the end of the year if a reconciliation is to be realized. I have not told her this...this is something I set for myself.<P>Last week's filing may make my "deadline a moo point however. After I composed myself from that shock, I told myself that if and when a divorce if final, I WILL NOT LOOK BACK. I've heard that 80% of spouses who initiate divorce in cases like this regret it sometime after it's final. If that happens to my W, if she approaches me afterward, I will say "hasta la vista, baby."

Shattered1 - <P>I am totally in agreement with you on completely letting go after the divorce if final. W somehow developed a vague notion that even during and after the divorce, we could continue in some fashion as we have up until now. Things like going out together going places together, etc. Of course at least half of the time would be reserved to do the same things with OM. I have let her know that once the divorce papers have been filed with the court, that none of this will happen. As far as I am concerned, after the filing, she is more than welcome to concentrate fully on OM and I will get on with my own life. I just feel that's the way it has to be, at least for me....

Chris...I know all about this kind of memories poping out and kicking us wherever it hurts more..... I wish I had a magic secret that will prevent them from appear.<BR>Do your best for it not to get to you, my friend (although saying it is much easyer than doing it ).<BR>You're doing fine in very difficult circumstances, concentrate on that.<BR>A big humongous hug to yo and your girls<BR>Kat<P>P.S. Sheba twin, rememeber when I say that sometimes it gets worse before it gets better? Who knows, maybe thta's part of what is happening, that;s why this week was yucky.<BR>A big hug to you too<BR>Thanks for the card, loved it!<BR>Kat