I just started plan B on Tuesday night and haven't said but a few words to WW since. I usually hug and kiss the kids, tell them I love them and walk out the door without saying anything to WW. I am concerned, though, that I don't know what to do when she tries to talk to me. What do I do when she says "hello or Good Morning" or "Have a good day at work"? I have been just ignoring it and walking away. <p>If she thinks I am rude for ignoring her than will that drive her even further away from me and give her even more reason to not want me as husband? [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

Ideally you should have a third party involved for exchanging the children for visitation so you never have to see her. One of you could drop the children off at the other person's house with the other scheduled to pick them up a half hour later. I did this during my divorce many years ago, and my minister and his wife allowed me to use their home as the exchange point.<p>If you cannot arrange something like that, then be polite, but no lingering. Just a quick polite appropriate response, hopefully as you're heading back to your car. "Hello"--"Hello"; "Good morning"--"Good morning"; "Have a good day at work"--"Thank you."<p>It helps to rehearse your responses ahead of time. Know ahead of time what you're going to say if she tries to draw you into conversation.

I agree with everything that Conqueror has suggested. <p>I am not familiar with your situation... but being in plan B, did you write anything about communication with your W over the children in your plan B letter? If so, you can use that as your guide. If not, you may want to try writing out another one to make sure you have everything covered. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

I also agree with Conqueror.<p>In Plan B you don't want to meet any of the WS's needs, so if one of your W's EN is "convo", keep your responses short and polite. Harley says if there's any reason you are required to interact with your spouse during Plan B, to be a Plan A kinda person. <p>Short, succinct and polite .... "Thanks", "Okay", "Good-Bye" .... <p>MT? You did write your wife a Plan B letter, right?<p>Jo

I did write a letter and she cried when she read it. However, like other letters I have given to her, she reads them and then tosses them to the side. I think she understands what I am saying and sees how I have changed and trying to put her needs first, but it doesn't seem to last long. Maybe she talks to OM and that reinforces her to belief that she is doing what is best for her. This whole thing is so hard since we can't totally seperate until our house sells and so she continues to get all her needs met by both of us. Maybe I tried to go to plan B too soon and she just needs some more time to sort out what it is she really wants. I think I was smothering her because she feels I wasn't paying any attention before.<p>Can I go back to plan A without compromising my position about her A?

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by MT in AK:
<strong>
Can I go back to plan A without compromising my position about her A?</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I would say you can. Plan A is not being a doormat. You still need to set up your boundaries, first and foremost which is obviously "I do not agree with any more contact with the OP", and that you want to work on your M, but in order for it to work, you BOTH need to work at it.<p>IMO, the biggest problem with going back to plan A, is that, should you need to go back to plan B, she may not take it as seriously.<p>If you are able to, your best bet would be to call Steve or Jennifer and give them the details of your situation, and they will advise you whether or not it would be to your advantage to stay in plan B or switch back to plan A.<p>In my experience though, I tend to go with my gut feelings. What does your gut say? Plan A or Plan B right now? Whichever one it is, that's probably where you should be. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Keep us posted on what you decide to do, k? [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Karen

I feel like I should be in plan A, but WW's attitude is so anti "the way it was" that she won't talk to anyone other than OM. So, I went to plan B. Maybe too soon? I'm not sure so I think I'll go back to plan A.<p>Yesterday was my birthday and other than a big "Happy Birthday" from my two boys, it was a normal day. I did leave the office early and treat myself to a massage! My SIL fixed dinner for everyone at my wife's parents house and my kids made chocolate chip cookie ice cream sandwiches for me. I got a card from WW's grandmother, parents and my kids, too. It was really nice. Notice I didn't say my wife got me anything! I called my MIL when I got home and thanked her again for the nice evening and mentioned how hurt I was that her daughter couldn't even get me a card for my birthday.<p>Apparently, my wife put a card for me on the pool table downstairs at her parents house, with no name on it and didn't tell me it was there either. Is this where I'm suppose to say, "well it's the thought that counts." I will have to go by today and pick it up.<p>Now the good news...After I left inlaws house, WW's sister and husband start talking to my wife. They share small talk and then ask how OM situation is going. (They are really pissed about the whole deal) They tell her she needs to open her eyes and ears to what others have been telling her about OM and that he's just using her. One night in January when WW was supposed to be ending it with OM, his cell phone rang and he told WW that it was his cousin. He had been seeing another woman in addition to my wife and his wife, but my wife didn't believe me. Well that wasn't his cousin calling, it was this other woman. I was talking to her that night and asked her to call him to interupt my wife's meeting with him. Since she already knew about their A, she was more than happy to call. I listened in and know that OM talked so it really wasn't his cousin.<p>Well, after hearing that last night, my wife is pissed at OM. She said she always wondered about that phone call because it just seemed odd at the time. Maybe now she will see him for who he really is. I can't wait to hear the rest of this story.