Elad,<p>Well, I did a plan B and now we seem to be in recovery but what has happened in between may not serve too many people. <p>I started in plan A as soon as I found out on D-day. It was very difficult because I was reeling from the revelations that came my way. We tried MC twice, but WH was in such a fog, saying things like he was in love, had feelings he'd never had before, etc. Very painful for me. MC thought situation hopeless at this point because we both were "not on same page" insofar as what we wanted. A few weeks went by with me in plan A, he still in phone contact with her but no physical stuff. Started MC again with someone else, same person that my H was seeing for IC. This guy very good, very pro-marriage and family. <p>A few weeks pass, with H promising me and MC that there would be no contact from his end and he would notify me if she called him. I did not trust him, but tried extremely hard not to LB by checking email, mobile phone. I did pretty well for awhile but then began to notice him withdrawing some. I got scared and one night checked his phone. There was a call from OW. I totally lost it, woke him up from a deep sleep and demanded to know the truth. He had never stopped being in phone contact with her, and even admitted that he knew from the first that he was not going to honor this! At this point I was so furious that once again he had been lying to me that I started packing his bags. No more plan A for me. Funnily enough, I was madder that he had been lying to MC about what was going on than I was that he lied to me. He won't leave, its late, so I decide to leave for the night to a friends. He calls repeatedly, begging me to come home, I refuse. I want him to have to take our kids to school the next day, to explain to them why I wasn't there to do it. I know he is petrified to do this, but tough &*%$! He hadn't worried too much about our poor kids in the past!<p>I do finally come back in early a.m. I can't take the phone calls. That night we have MC session and I give him plan B letter with open life requests that he must fulfill before being allowed to come home. He leaves for week-end to think. The next day he calls me, my best friend, his nurse (also friend) to tell us all that he was coming home and would not have contact anymore, that I would have total access to his life. Wow, I am amazed, but did not trust this, as it seemed too easy.<p>I was right. The OW had gotten him some drugs the night before and before you know it he is in full-blown relapse. (He had a previous drug problem that he had been clean from for over 10 years, Very sad to go back to that after all that time) By Monday, an intervention is done by physician friends and off he goes to rehab. <p>Its been two months that he has been in rehab and he has doen a complete turnaround. He realizes that the A was just another form of addiction and that he had not been in a good recovery for some time. My plan B letter scared him to death and he started using when he thought he was really going to lose me and our kids. So our situation is probably unlike most others. <p>I believe that all this came about as a combination MLC, being in a poor recovery, too much work (workaholic, too) and then when he realized that losing us was going to happen, he could not handle it and turned to drugs to stop the pain. Him being gone has been difficult, but I also see it as a blessing. He hit rock bottom pretty quick. My plan B letter brought about that state much more quickly than if I had just continued to plan A. He would have been happy to sit on the fence as long as I let him continue. So I pushed him off. <p>But at that time, I was ready for anything to happen. I just knew that I could not continue with the way things were, that I was suffering so much and therefore causing our children to suffer that I felt it had to stop. If he did go to her, then so be it. He was losing out on the best thing in his life and I could not prevent that if thats what he wanted. I was finally able to set some boundaries to protect myself, and that was a big step for me, being a codepedent, it turns out.<p>Now I feel like we have a chance to make it. His whole attitude has changed, he is honest now and we talk every day about feelings and fears and have gotten closer emotionally than we probably have ever been in all the years we have been married. I believe that we will be able to heal our family. I still have many sad days, yesterday was one of them, but I also have days where I feel stronger, like today. I have so far survived the most devastating time of my entire life and I didn't kill myself, go crazy, have an A of my own, or do many other crazy things that I thought about. <p>I still have to wait for him to get out and then the true test will some, when he is at home. So I do still have fears and doubts, but I believe thats normal. He has to regain my trust and he has told me that he will do whatever I need so I can feel safe. I feel very blessed today. Thanks for reading this. Carmen
