Just venting again. <p>Last night my husband told me he was feeling melancholy. When I asked why he said no reason. Then he tells me this morning that she had been at his store yesterday, in a back hallway, talking to another person in the program (so I finally find out her position -- she's a management trainee, which means when she's finished with the program, she could go anywhere -- how much do you want to bet she's going to request my husband's store?). I asked if she said anything to him. And he said no, she is apparently taking his no contact letter seriously. I then pointed out to him that no, she wasn't taking it seriously since she really has no business hanging out at his store and she is purposely putting herself in a position where he has to see her. Ironically, that made him feel better -- since he was apparently feeling bad that after her proclaiming her undying love, she's now "ignoring" him. <p>I also think he's nervous about his first counseling session tonight. He told me last night he's worried that he is going to say something "mean" to the counselor and that he's going to think the guy is less than intellegent (he doesn't have a lot of faith in the profession and thinks of it as "pyscho-babble"). I told him he can say anything he wants to the counselor and that is what they are there for -- to listen. And if he doesn't like this guy, there are others out there and we'll just keep trying until we find someone he likes.<p>I'm still worried that, although outwardly my husband is doing everything as right as a human being can, he's not really committed and he's only home because he has some alternate agenda that I know nothing about.

When I went to counseling, I thought, she's going to analyze everything I say, and when she pulled out the notebook, boy that solidified those thoughts. But, she gave me pointers to deal with my problems, validation. She didn't do a lot of "uh-huh. (nod head). I see. Ohhhhh." She interacted and not with a lot of "psycho-babble." But this was a counselor at New Life Clinics. I liked it okay. There were some things I disagreed with, but for the most part, it helped me.<p>I told her that I felt like I would wake up tomorrow morning on my death bed and feel like, "Where did my life go?" That was scary to me. But she said "No. That's not going to happen. (I was 22) Your life is just beginning. And even after you get your kids out on their own, you will have plenty of time to get your education and do lots of things. You'll still have a good 40 years." She was older so I believed her. I know what she said isn't always true. But it is for the most part and it helped me move beyond clinging to the moments. I realized that I was freezing up trying to stop time. I couldn't and as long as I did that, I was paving the way to my emotional deathbed. In otherwords, there would be no real life filling the void between today and the day I die. (I was hoping this would provide hope. I guess cut and paste the good parts and discard the rest to your memory. [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] )<p>Hoping

That didn't really stick to the topic did it?<p> I did want to tell you my OW's subtle pursuit, but I'm thankful that it may have ended. She kept inviting him to lunch (see my signature) and he made up every excuse in the book to not go with her. She has finally stopped asking. She ignores him now. He has always ignored her when they passed each other but only responded if she said hi. Now, she doesn't do that anymore and they haven't worked together at all in a while. But, watch, they will today. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img]

My personal, limited experience with counseling has not been too good. The counselor was way too concerned (imo) with being paid and she fidgeted while I was talking! She was also feeding me stuff so classically out of a textbook, I felt like she wasn't really listening to me -- just feeding me a line that works with most people in my situation, trying to convince me how abused I was. <p>I have to admit, though, she started me thinking. Yes, I was emotionally abused by my husband. But all the counselor heard was my side of the story. If she heard the same story from my husband, would she then conclude he was the one who was abused? I came out of this realizing that my husband and I were abusing each other.<p>So, I guess it wasn't totally wasted time. She did get me thinking about some things in a new light and had one or two insights that were quite provocative -- like the reason I'm afraid of conflict is because growing up I never saw an example of how anger is handled in a relationship -- my parents *never* fought in front of us.

Good news! My H and ow aren't working together today, and from what he could tell, there wasn't much chance of it either. Whew!<p>I know what you mean about "Who's abusing whom?" I wondered the same thing. I also know that H misunderstood my motivations a lot, but I think my motivations was defense in a big way, and there for his feeling would be offense. I think we are getting closer to a "team" spirit. He actually picked up the book "The Power of the Praying H" last night without my urging or w/o me reading my "The Power of the Praying W." Wow, are those big steps or what?!<p>I hope that your H and you can start making progress like my H and I have begun. Things have been pretty wonderful lately (although I need to go and do some dishes. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] )