I have been married for 33 years. Two weeks ago I was told of my husband's affair, confronted him, and he admitted it. He said it would be better if he stay with a friend. We have had one counseling session together. He had one today with a different counseler and told me he's more confused than ever. I have a session tomorrow.
This affair was (is) long term. He's been betraying me for 3 or more years. The OW works with him. He says he is in love with her and she with him. The agony of waiting for him to make up his mind is killing me. His job includes extensive travel (military) and they are both reservists. He will be retiring from his regular job in 6 mo., but because of 9-11, nobody can quit the reserves.<p>How long should I give him, and how do I deal with news I don't want to hear. I've spent my life trying to be a good wife, but evidently I did something wrong for him to lead a double life.<p>He says he has feelings for me! How can he hurt me like this. A wife doesn't want competition. She has the right to be #1. <p>I have been trying to be nice when he calls, but I don't know who much longer I can be a doormat. I did tell him that if he really wants her to be honest and tell me. Any honesty right now, good or bad would be most welcome. Any advice?

Hurtingbad,<p> I am sorry that you are hurting right now, but you have come to the right place. You need to read everything on this site that you can get your hands on. I would suggest that you read Surviving and Affiar. It will lay out a good plan for you to follow. Come here to vent and ask questions. There are alot of wise people here. We are here to help one another. You are not alone in this.<p>Indy

I'm so sorry. My H is also military & had a long-term "friendship" then affair with a co-worker. They are still co-workers, and as long as that situation, any contact, exists, it is a problem. In our case, in one of our reconciliations (we had 7 separations over 21 months), she started dating my H's housemate...and that did lead to the end of the affair.<p>My H did come back to our marriage and we've been in recovery for 22 months. <p>My advice to you is first, decide if you want the marriage. If you don't, well that path is pretty clear. If you do, then read about Plan A here on the site, and do it for some months. If you aren't sure if you want the marriage, I'd still recommend Plan A, because it gives you time to think and process the situation. You can always choose a divorce, I know I felt better about myself in doing what I could to make a reconciliation possible.<p>You can't control his actions, the only person you can control in this situation is you, if your goal is to work toward a possible reconciliation then don't do anything that that does not lead to that goal, especially lovebusters.<p>Take care, I'm sorry you are in such a situation.

I am pretty much where you are at. I told my husband if you are hsppy with her then tell me. I said it like 3 times in our conversation...no reply.
Something would be nice, either way...
I guess this isn't advice, but just to let you know you are not frustrated alone...
AND YES, WE DO DESERVE TO BE #1