Hi guys!
My H has been looking at websites about passive-aggressive traits, it seems, and found this one - www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com -
I'm sure he thinks I'm PA - hmm, wonder why it is that I take responsibility for my anger, but he doesn't - well, anyway - guess he's loading his cannon with ammunition - typical PA trait - this website gives good advice about how to deal with PA people - thought some this advice might come in handy for a lot of people on this site. Hope its helpful.
Odile

Some people mistake Passive Aggressive with ADD. Here is some about it. Also know ADD has NOTHING to do with being hyper that is ADHD. <p>The partner with ADD is likely to be less organized, less predictable, and less attentive than the other one. It can be easy for the non-ADD partner to misinterpret those behaviors as "not caring" or as being "passive-aggressive".......that's simply NOT TRUE in most cases! Most of the time ADD behaviors which cause problems are not malicious behaviors -- usually it's just a case of the ADD not being managed well and the person needing to learn more coping skills. It helps to keep in mind a "biological perspective" though -- that the basis for most ADD behavior is biological in nature -- it has to do with how the brain works -- and is NOT usually due to bad intentions or lack of caring! It's also easy for the non-ADD partner to become frustrated and fall into a critical/blaming mode of behavior -- that usually just makes things worse. Sit down and discuss specific behaviors which are causing problems and then make some changes in how things are done -- like any couple must do, with or without ADD. Focus on the BEHAVIOR as the problem though, not the PERSON -- very important distinction! Another problem is if the non-ADD partner becomes the "rescuer" in the relationship, and the person with ADD takes on the "helpless victim" role. This is very bad for BOTH partners involved and will only lead to more problems. The couple needs to clearly delegate responsibility for certain duties or jobs, and EACH of them has to follow through on their end without being babied or bullied by the other. The person with ADD needs to structure the environment in whatever way he/she needs to make sure that those things get done! People with ADD are not "crippled" in any sense and should never use ADD as an excuse for irresponsible behavior. If some behavior is a problem.....fix it!! Never make excuses.

I LuvNprotect ME,<p>Can you expand on ADD, what it is? I recently fell under the belief that my spouse was PA, but it only sort of fits. Some of the things done seem very nasty, but there doesn't seem to be that intention. It is more of an accidental thing. How do you tell ADD from PA? Even spouse will admit that her family members exhibit VERY PA traits, but I figure that you can learn PA tactics without actually being PA.<p>In any event, in the end, it really doesn't matter. The only question in the end, is whether it is worth it to continue in the situation. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

There are two good books:<p>Driven to Distraction
and
You mean I'm not lazy, stupid or crazy?<p>If you go to Amazon.com you can read some of the pages of the books there.<p>Here are some links I found helpful:<p>http://add.about.com/gi/dynamic/off...ww.flash. net%2F%7Ebrainwks%2Fadd16.html<p>http://www.ncpamd.com/ADDandInvertebrates.htm<p>http://www.agmc.org/add/add2.html<p>http://www.agmc.org/add/add3.html<p>http://www.onlinepharmacy.com.au/AilmentsandDiseases/attention_deficit_disorder.htm<p>http://www.ncpamd.com/Marriage_and_ADHD.htm<p>http://www.ncpamd.com/ADDandResponsibility.htm<p>http://add.about.com/library/blemotions.htm<p>[ March 19, 2002: Message edited by: I LuvNprotect ME ]</p>