Things have been plodding along. I actually have felt a little better lately.<p>I fired my lawyer last week. Today I had to go in and pick up my file. I was worried about it all day. Luckily, I didn't have to deal with him though.<p>I got home and read through everything...shouldn't have done that. All the files--the emails, the love letters, the letters to his mistresses, the complete lies he has written about me. It has left me feeling really sad. He also had many pictures from our life together--including his retirement ceremony and all the family pictures. It is so sad.<p>The sad part is that he changed everything about our relationship. Reading the emails from April through the present time. He has completely changed our life together. ANd he believes it--he has completely justified what he has done. It is really pathetic.<p>I allowed him time with the kids this weekend, even tho it wasn't his weekend. Friday night was nice--we even felt like a family. People were shocked to see us together for awhile--they said it looked like our family used to look. On Saturday and Sunday, he spent time with 3 of our kids at their soccer games in KC. He completely blew it with my 16 year old daughter. They got into it...and now he is writing her caustic emails.....still maintaining that he "loves her so much"....it is so sad.<p>Do WS ever realize the pain and devastation they have caused? Jim told Mandy that it has been almost a year....she should be beyond her anger and emotions by now. He said his "OW" has been crying because of the way the kids feel about her. UGH!!!!! He told her she can continue to feel sorry for herself or take the adult way and accept the situation. Does anyone else think this is sick besides me?<p>The man makes me physically ill. Just venting.

MNM,<p> Sorry for the rough time you are having. That must have brought back so much pain to read all that garbage. <p> For the record, I think it is sick.<p> jd

Dear MnM,<p>I am sorry. Reliving the pain is always hard. When I open those horrible e-mails, my blood boils. <p>OW crying? Good, hope her mascara runs!!! Arrrgh.... any man who thinks an adultress needs more attention than his own kids and expects his kids to 'grow up', is sick. <p>I hope he learns to get well. Unfortunately that is a hard recovery. For your sake, please take care of yourself. <p>So now that you fired your laywer, what are you going to do?<p>Hugz,
L.

Thanks JD and Orchid,<p>I really have been doing better...just shouldn't have read those things tonight. <p>I do feel bad for the kids. They are doing ok tho. My oldest two just called from their first soccer game of the season--they tied. They seemed happy tho.<p>It was such a relief to get rid of that lawyer today. He has been such an abusive jerk. If I wasn't so worn out...I would file a complaint on him. He was awful.<p>I have an appt with a new lawyer in another little town on Thursday. He seems a lot nicer on the phone anyway. I think I will be a little more discriminating this time and take my time. Someone who can be a little empathetic would be nice.<p>Financially, we are really in trouble. Looks like I will have to sell our home to pay off bills. I am hoping to make it to summer--so I have time to get the house into shape. I don't mind selling it so much---too many memories here--I just hope I can afford something else.<p>I haven't had much time to post. How are you both doing? I hope you are doing ok? Take Care Pat<p>[ March 19, 2002: Message edited by: miserynmissouri ]</p>

Dear Pat,<p>Sorry to hear about the financial straits you are in because of this mess. Selling one's home is stressful enough as it is. <p>Me? Well this ol battlac is doing ok. PBR called the house phone yesterday and I still have not heard about it from H. Trying to be patient, think end of day today is enough? He is at work right now. His boss even called to confirm his run. Hm....... Well I saw the paperwork so I know where he is. Isn't it awful to have to keep track like that? I told H that I am getting tired of checking up on him and if he can't regain my trust back soon......well.... I let him use his imagination. LOL!!! [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I know you have been through a lot. Reach your settling point Pat. It brings a sort of relief. <p>Hugz,
L.

M
I am sorry that you are having a rough time. Keep your chin up. You are going to be stronger when all of this over!
I saw 3 lawyers before I ended up with this one. The first one said...if your H is going to give you this...SIGN IT now. It had no savings for me, and no pension...I deserved a little bit more after 22 yrs together! The second lawyer (how insensitive) asked me if I wanted to change my name...gee whiz...I have had this last name for half of my life!!! I then tried to call him for two weeks straight with a question...I am not one to call for every little thing...he never called back....EVER!! I fired him. I had given him a $1000 retainer. I only rec'd 542 back....he did file for me and charged me for the visit. My 3rd lawyer is a shark and to be blunt....a B*TCH. She even scares me! She wanted a $3000 retainer....and she has used all of that and $1100.I am no closer to a divorce than I was in OCT!!!! My H's lawyer hates my lawyer and my H doesn't like her either....frankly...beither do I!! But I am stuck with her and I am doing the negotiating with my H. He has screwed up royally and hurt me more than words can say....but he is trying to do the right thing with money. I still will have to sell my house in 4 yrs. BUt as my family says... a lot can happen in 4 yrs.<p>Good luck to you, M. Hey my kids play soccer too. It keeps you busy doesn't it?? My son played his last varsity game the other night (he's a senior). Kind of sad...he doesn't want to play in college.<p>MAX

I am so sorry for your pain MnM. It is so hard to understand how/why our spouses can do what they are doing to us. It is heartbreaking. My thoughts and prayers are with you. Hang in there Pat.
BH

Yeah,<p>That trust issue is a tough one....so many triggers. I worked real hard in the past to get over that...it can be done...just takes time.<p>I would love to just be happy again. I feel like life is just flying by...and I am still just going through each day. I miss the joy of living. I want to get back to me---not this miserable creature.<p>I am thankful for the kids, my friends and my work though. Everyone has been great....I just feel so blah.....I can't remember when the last time I had a good hard laugh. I want to go one day without thinking of him one time...that is my new goal. <p>I have started exercising sort of. I walk the track when my daughter is playing basketball..I can see the court and get some exercise at the same time. It has been great. It makes me feel better too--unfortunately, I only have time to do that once a week. I can't wait for summer vacation.<p>I am not looking forward to the next month and a half of school. I hate writing IEPS!!!! Too much paper work...and always new forms and regulations. I dislike the end of the year testing periods too--the kids hate it...and once the testing is over--they think school is over. This year has gone by so quickly tho.<p>My two oldest are going skiing for spring break. I would love to go with the little kids and get out of here for a few days. I can't figure out a way to afford it tho. That would be so much fun--all my kids love to ski. I need to win the lottery<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Pat,<p>Sorry to hear you are feeling down tonight!! But move over I need room for my fat A55 on that bench tonight!!<p>Just got reply to my letter of requests, sent it on my D B day too!! the bum!! Then says that he never loved me!! UGH!!!<p>Sorry didn't mean to take over, just wanted you to know that someone else has it as bad or as worse!!!!<p>Am having a hard time tonight!!<p>Will they ever understand what we gave willingly to them, and how it hurts to have that thrown back in our faces!! Appreciation, right!! And how it pains us to see our childern hurt. This was the person that we loved (well not the real person that we married anymore). You know what I mean!!<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]

MNM(Pat)<p> Other than being under the weather for the last couple of days I am ok. I have spoken with a lawyer but have not filed yet. I have went so far in debt this past year, it may take another year just to afford a pizza, let alone a retainer [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p> I remember when you first came to MB Pat. Have followed your story and prayed for you. You have came a long way from then. You are gonna get through this and be one tough cookie. <p> By the way, the offer still stands to send a couple of brothers to kick his butt for you [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img]
They wouldn't have to drive far [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p> jd

Hi mnm,
Regarding your husband dismissing your daughter's feelings that way, yikes... He doesn't even realize that he made a permanent mark on her life and she may never get over his decision to go have an affair and break up his family. I hope you get every dime of child support that you deserve for your kids, and until they all turn 21, regardless of whether they stay in college... Good luck to you. Glad to hear you are able to get in a nice walk for yourself. I'm sorry you can't go skiing with the kids, but there will be another time when you can go. You're gonna make it. God bless you.

OH and most of all, I'm SO GLAD you are getting a new lawyer!!! I hope the new one works out better for you.

MnM,<p>you know you maybe down from reading all that stuff but you sound so much stronger. Reading it made you sad but it didn't destroy you. You are healing.<p>I deleted a bunce of emails the other day, all the ones from Singapore up until the time of him moving us back. I read some again & thought I don't need to do this anymore. I cried but I have felt better after deleting them. Think I deleted 1 or 2 I might need if we start to fight.<p>Sorry about your D. The STBX thinks our kids are fine. OS said once he will make sure his marriage never ends this way, as he now knows how awful divorce his & what it has done to him.<p>My YS starts soccer soon. Enjoy that spring break. We all ready had ours but I don't think I got any.<p>Take care.

Wow,
Thanks everyone for the replies....it really helps bring my spirits up!!<p>Feeling So Alone,
Did the lawyers question why you needed a new lawyer. When I first called around, most of them didn't want to take someone when they had started with someone else. When I told them who I had been using, they were ok. Evidently, his reputation has spread around. Wish I had heard about it earlier!! I hope it goes well tomorrow with the new lawyer--I just want to get this over.<p>Broken hearted,<p>I have been reading about your situation too. You have so much courage and stamina. I don't know how I would react in that situation. I think I would be tempted to kill......how insensitive. I just don't know where their heads, and morals, and decency go. Hope you can get out of there soon. No one needs to face that every day!!<p>Daybreak,
Sorry to hear it is still going poorly for you and your family. It sucks doesn't it. I don't know how they turn on someone who has always supported and loved them. Military wives are such special people on the most part. I would think they would feel so guilty--but they don't.<p> jd,
Sorry to hear you have not been feeling well. We just got over sinus infections and my son is complaining of a sore throat today. We haven't been sick all winter--but now it is hitting us. Allergies have started here too and the kids and I all have running noses from that. Are you going to file--or are you still Plan Aing or B'ing? Sorry, haven't been able to keep up with everyone as much lately. <p>Thank you for the prayers and encouragement. I wish I felt stronger. Just trying to make it day to day. There is never a dull moment with all the kids' activities.<p>Would love to use your brothers for a few hours--he is in Lee Summit
[img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Dear BtDt,
It is sad about his relationship with Mandy and my other kids too. He just doesn't want to see the damage he has done. He thinks he is being a great dad now by showing up at their high school soccer practices. In actuality, they are embarassed by having him there. He is still trying to get them to accept what he has done. Pretty sad. In his head, he feels they really should be over it---he doesn't have a clue--and evidently he doesn't care--because he won't listen to them when they do try to talk to him. <p>Sing,
I think I will feel better when I can throw all this stuff away too. I thought I better keep it for awhile tho. I think I am going to put it in a big envelope and put it out of sight. I don't think I will read it again for a long time. Too sad and too many bad feelings from all of it.<p>Part of me still can't believe this is happening to us. It is such a shame. Life could have been so good right now. Still have a little bit of this mountain to climb I guess before I can get over this. Thank you all again. Pat