We are in some sort of recovery after an affair that happened more than a year ago , but contact still continues.
I wrote here in february "help me .. I am embraking on an revange affair". Nothing happened, my feeling cooled down.
On the other hand we had another show down with my wife about her continuing contact and her refusal to stop it, and mainly about her lyin g about it.
She was complaing on my lack closeness "youwrite everything in your journal instead of talking to me".
So today I wrote her a letter admiting to some sort of emotional afair, to having been enchanted, maybe in love, but not pursuing it.
i wrote I am admitting it to try to improve our communication.
I am not sure how she will take it .. we talked on the phone for a while but she did not want to talk.
Please tell me I did the right thing .. or not , and help me what to do now.

Right or wrong doesn't matter at this point because it's done. Now, be open to discuss it with her, and understand that women tend to be more emotional when talking then men, so be ready to deal with that, or simply accept that. <p>As for the journal. . . have you ever offered her to read some of it? Maybe you could pick out a few things and have her read them to understand what you are feeling and thinking. My husband and I found that when we first started rebuilding it seemed difficult to "talk". Part because we weren't used to it anymore, and part because we still hadn't perfected the not interrrupting aspect. Maybe your wife and you could start the communication by writing. My husband and I sent several lengthy letters to eachother to break the ground, get past the emotions and assumptions of what was going to be said next, and it helped us to "talk" better in the end. Let your wife know that the letter you gave her wasn't to hurt her or the marriage it was your way of saying "yes, I want to communicate and work through this together." <p>I think that's about all I can think of at this point. I don't think that you did the wrong thing, but you may have to clarify your intentions for her to see it thay way. Maybe, maybe not. Her not wanting to talk could just be that it's not the right time, or simply that she's digesting what was wrote - maybe wants to re-read it (my hubby does that alot) and wants to collect her thoughts to have a productive discussion. Whatever the reason, remember to stay focused on your end goal. Don't interrupt her when she talks, and most important, don't start thinking of what you want to say next before she has finished talking (you'll certainly miss something). If both of you practice these few courtesies, you too can learn productive communication. Stay calm, and best to you.

thanks for good advice. one more question. I did not write who was it and I am not planning to tell her, but I am afraid it will seem like I am trying to torture her with it. I am not sure if to tell her since I want to stay friend with the woman. I can assure her that there is no more romantic feelings in me and that I never revealed those feelings to the lady in question.

Tell her who it is and end your friendship with the other woman. Period.<p>What matters most to you, your wife or your friendship with the other woman? One of them needs to go. You pick.<p>You need to protect your marriage by avoiding anyone that causes you to feel innapropriate feelings. Humans are not perfect and we will make mistakes. None of us can say what we would do if the person of our attraction acted on an attraction of their own.<p>If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off...
And if your foot causes you to sin, cut if off...
And if your eye causes you to sin, pluck it out.<p>You have already sinned in your innapropriate feelings for another woman. Do the right thing and end all contact with her; and tell your wife so she can help you to avoid such situations in the future.

Remember, open honesty it the key, no matter how difficult it is. When rebuilding/fixing a marriage you have to agree to be completely open and honest about everything. I'll tell you, I didn't offer every little detail about my affair, but when my husband asked I did give him the truth and honest answer - as hard as it was for me to do that. You may think that makes you look bad to have to admit to this darkness, but in reality they will respect you much more in the end. It helps to build hope and strength in your rebuilding. Maybe your wife will have no problem with you being friends, but if she does you have to agree that she is more important and this "friendship" isn't worth any type of stress on your marriage. Take care, and best to you. We are here for you. You are starting in the right direction. I wish you well, and keep us posted.

Remember, open honesty it the key, no matter how difficult it is. When rebuilding/fixing a marriage you have to agree to be completely open and honest about everything. I'll tell you, I didn't offer every little detail about my affair, but when my husband asked I did give him the truth and honest answer - as hard as it was for me to do that. You may think that makes you look bad to have to admit to this darkness, but in reality they will respect you much more in the end. It helps to build hope and strength in your rebuilding. Maybe your wife will have no problem with you being friends, but if she does you have to agree that she is more important and this "friendship" isn't worth any type of stress on your marriage. Take care, and best to you. We are here for you. You are starting in the right direction. I wish you well, and keep us posted.