I am a BH (betrayed husband) looking for some guidence from WWs (wondering wives). I gues what I would like to know is "What is the one thing thay your BH could have done to re-connect with you during or before recovery?"<p>I guess I just wnat to know from other wayward wives about how their husbands re-connected with them.<p>
Any help?....Please

This is so complicated, I don't even know where to begin! <p>When I told my husband about it, he broke down and I felt just awful, to put it mildly. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] He talked to me and he treated me like I always wanted him to. I guess he gave me the attention and affection I had been missing for a looong time. Breaking off from the om was very hard.
Email me at spiralingstaircase@hotmail.com, if you would like to ask me more questions or go in to more details.

That is a very difficult question. I would say my H should have/could have done XYZ...but then he feels that he WAS doing XYZ and I just had unreasonable expectations (once my feelings for the OM were out in the open). My H wasn't very active in our relationship...very active in life, just not the relationship itself. He's still very "sidelines" but he is getting better. I think we were both right...he didn't try very hard and I DID have ridiculous expectations.<p>My suggestions as to what to do would be:<p>be honest about your feelings...even if they are bad...it's not fair to bottle them up and then explode.<p>Be mature...pouting and blaming don't get you anywhere.<p>Be patient...it takes time....but...<p>Don't be a doormat. Honestly I think that women sooner appreciate a man who will stand up for what he believes in than someone who lets them get away with anything.<p>Be yourself...you can't fake change...if you really want to grow, change and learn, you have to do the work. At the same time you can't be someone you aren't...so don't try to be. In the long run even if things DON'T work out the way you wanted...it will be for the best...because if she doesn't want to be with who you really are then she shouldn't be!<p>Be open...my H doesn't speak about his feelings or thoughts much. I know he has them! But I have to force him into conversations to find out what they are. I was tired of this before and I am growing tired of it again.<p>As far as what he does now (during our recovery) to reconnect. He is more tender and loving...he kisses and hugs me instead of only groping and teasing. He talks with me. He's more actively involved in doing things with me and he gives no indication that he's only doing it for my benefit (thank goodness, because that kind of takes something away from it). He's MUCH more helpful around the house and LESS "helpful" with the way I choose to run my business (he used to order and scold me like I was incapable).<p>Hopes that's helpful at all. Every situation and every person is different to some extent...but often the basic principles seem to apply. Good luck!

Hope<p>Wow thanks for the advice. I am glad that I asked the question and I am glad you took the time to answer it. It is very helpful. I hope more WW's take the time to answer. <p>Thanks
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