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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 63
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 63 |
I think my WW is starting to question OM's truthfulness with her and might be getting tired of all the negative attitude from her mom and siblings. I have tried to not be all negative about OM but since he is my boss I know who he really is...a lying, cheating, manipulative, self-centered SOB. I do enjoy ripping his character apart to her whenever she starts defending A. But I have been very good about it for a while now.<p>Anyway, I want to write a letter to her to say I understand what she is going through and that she can trust me to talk about what she really wants. My concern is that she feels I have been smothering her with all this attention and maybe she just needs some space. How do I put that in writing without smothering her? Please help if you can.
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 949
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Joined: Jan 2002
Posts: 949 |
You know best about your unique situation than we do. I think if she is already feeling smothered than yes it may further smother her. Plus do you really understand what she is going through? I don't. Anyway, I think sometimes in a letter we want to fix everything and put all our thoughts down for the WW to read but the truth is there is no quick fix. They respond better to small consistant changes. Sometimes a letter can help clear our thoughts and get our feelings out, it can be very healing but not always smart to send it. It is more for you than her. Why don't you draft us a letter and we can go from there.
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 635
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 635 |
Maybe you could even try something like this. . . when you can visibly see she is down and haveing a hard time, walk up to her and give her a hug. Then simply let her know that although you may not have been the best at listening you are really trying and you want her to know you are here for her if she needs to talk, about anything. However, you have to be willing to listen to - I mean really listen, because that's the invitation you are opening up. At that point, leave it lie and let her come to you. You show you care and you give her the space she needs too. Hope this helps.
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 63
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OP
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 63 |
That's good advice, thanks. I know she is struggling with the mess she is in and maybe just a hug and gentle reminder that I'll listen if SHE wants to talk. I feel like we were so silent about our real feelings for so long. Now I am saying everying and she isn't used to it. I want her to talk as well but she is silent still. At least to me, she isn't silent to OM. [img]images/icons/mad.gif" border="0[/img]
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 635
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Joined: Feb 2002
Posts: 635 |
<<I feel like we were so silent about our real feelings for so long. Now I am saying everying and she isn't used to it.>><p>Exactly - not used to it. Neither of you are, and that's something you have to work on gradually, and together. It took my husband some time to get used to the fact that I was there for him again (I am the WS), but it will happen. Be patient and understanding. Remember, the affair is just a symptom of something else. Right now you have to work through that something else. The affair will die it's own death - work loving on you and your wife as a pair. I wish you the best. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
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