Well I had a very interesting evening last night. I am still out of town and I got a call from a good friend telling me that there are rumors from where the OW works (and where WH used to work) that they are living together and getting married. Now mind you this information is coming to me fifth or sixth hand and you all remember the telephone game from grade school so I did not get upset, I got mad. Now the first rule of getting married is that you must both be single. WH has not filed any D papers and shows no interest in doing so. I pushed for them a few months ago and he said he wanted to wait.<p>The rumor supposedly came from a "reliable source" although noone will tell who that is. My first reaction, and the one I am still inclined to believe, was that OW started the rumor because she is starting to feel desperate. I mentioned in some earlier posts that she has called while she knows that my WH is with me and always asks him where I am during those calls. His response has been "She is right here".<p>Quick background for those who are not up to date. I was in Plan B for several months after d-day and now in Plan A. I have been counseling with Steve the whole time. WH and I have been "dating" for the past four months. He is still seeing OW, but has asked her to keep her distance while he concentrates on what he wants. She knows that he and I are seeing each other and that he has spent the night at the house when I have been home for the weekends from an extended business trip which ends Friday.<p>I never felt that these rumors were true because I know how he has reacted over the filing of the papers and I know for a fact where he is living. He could not live with her and spend the weekends at my house. I have even called his apartment and he has been there. There is no call forwarding going on because at times his roommate answers and hands him the phone. <p>Well I decided that maybe he would like to know what was being said and how I was reacting. In the past I would have jumped to the conclusion that whatever it was must be true and he was doing something else to hurt me and make a fool of me. I simply called him and told him what I heard and he already knew. He said that she said she had nothing to do with it and I think he believed her. I simply told him how I felt without yelling or losing control and basically ended with we don't see eye to eye on this one. He found out by someone else that worked there and he told the person that it could not be further from the truth.<p>Now I don't know that calling him was the right thing to do, but he did notice a big difference in how I reacted to this. And unlike the old me, when the conversation was over I let it die. I did not pick up the phone 10 minutes after we got off the phone with more questions and badgering.<p>I would like some input on if you think OW had a hand in the rumor and if so why. My gut says it was her. I will not bring it up with him again. I told him that I knew there was nothing to it but that it did upset me that someone was trying to hurt me. A lot of people that work there know that I have a close relative that works there and that this would get back to me. I just can't think of one other person who could gain by this rumor. <p>Any thoughts?

Sounds like your conversation with hubby was good. Also, there is the plus that he said he has taken care of it, and then the fact that he did not get defensive. Oh, and he did question OW about it. So, is she really worth more of your time trying to figure out if it's her? I'm not trying to be mean here, but my thought is just that if you believe there is absolutely no merit to it, then let it go. You talked to your husband about it, he calmly talked to you and attempted to put your mind at ease, noting that he has already taken action on it, so continue to work on what's important. Don't give whoever the satisfaction of disrupting you. Have the upper hand in that they weren't able to disrupt you the way they had planned, and that will bother them more. <p>In any event, to answer your question, I would think it was the OW at first as well. However, a lot of rumors get started from simple assumptions. Someone could have simply heard that he'd moved out and assumed it was with OW. I wouldn't put much more energy into it. Look at the good points from your conversation with your husband - "it couldn't be further from the truth" and embrace the postive feelings he was trying to give you.<p>I hope this helps. Take care.

Oh, she probably did...but, sounds like a desperate measure from a rat on the sinking ship.<p>Whether or not you should have called him? Well, since you were able to keep your cool..I think it went fine.<p>His defense/disbelief that she could've done it is classic..It took my partner almost 8 months to figure out that he was "marked" from the beginning as a step in her ladder..something that was obvious to all who knew.
But, it is pretty normal for them to be defensive about the OW for a while..part of withdrawal..Plus, who wants to admit they made a mistake?<p>Hang in there,
T

Tutter and Twyla - Thank you both for your responses. I guess I mostly needed to get the frustration of the whole thing out of my system before I spoke with WH again. <p>Thanks again
Sinking

Sinking - I know those days of just needing to get the frustration out in the air somewhere else. I for one will surely be here for you when you need that. Hope everything went well for you and WH. Keep us posted. You're doing a great job.

SF,<p>If she did start it, she sure wouldn't admit it to your H. I think the most important thing here is that it is not true and you have confirmed that it isn't.

I think you did a good job, you kept your cool, and let him know that things got back to you. <p>I would now put it out of your mind, and keep doing the good stuff you've been doing. I have a feeling when this project is over you will start turning some major corners.<p>Elizabeth<p>PS Of COURSE she started it. That is how these bimbettes play their game. Never gonna happen.<p>[ March 21, 2002: Message edited by: justthewife ]</p>

Tutter - thank you so much for the kind words. There are days when I wake up and I am on top of the world. Then there are days when it seems like everything bothers me and nothing goes right. On those days I try to remember that I can not change what is happening to me but that I can change my how I let it affect me. That is what I did when I heard that wonderful rumor. The first thing I thought was well it can't be true because we are not divorced and I have proof of where he is living. From there I just tried to remain calm and get some reassurance from my WH, which he offered openly. Things may not be over with them just yet, but they will be soon. <p>MelodyLane - Thank you for keeping my mind where it should be.<p>justthewife - Thanks for the response. I will be back home in 31 hours and I can not wait. I think you are right about when I get back. I am going to hit Plan A hard for the next couple of months. (My deadline for Plan A is coming at the end of May as long as Steve agrees.) I really think that he is coming around. He has made tremendous strides in the past three months. The first month it seemed like he was just trying to get used to me again. But the last three months he seems more and more like the man I fell in love with. That is the man I want back.<p>Thanks to all of you for your support.

Looks like there is a lot to look forward to for you. I am more than happy to offer my support, and I'm glad it helped some. Remember, there will still be some bumps in the road, but that's ok. Get through them together. Even marriages not stressed with the devastation of an affair have there moments and arguments, it's normal. Work through them, and be done with them. Remember the good points because they will also help you through the bumps. Keep us posted. You are doing great. Take care. [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]