How do you deal with a husband that is addicted to porn? I found out he has been sneaking to stip clubs and he is always gone on business trips. He goes to strip clubs on those trips and he got directions to a nude beach on one of his trips. A couple of months ago he promised me he would stop because I meant more to him and he wanted keep our marriage together and not hurt me like that. Last week I found out he is still going to the clubs while he is away on business. I feel like he is cheating on me. I think strip clubs are disgusting and that a married man has no business in the presence of a naked woman other than his wife. In some of these clubs more than stripping is goin on and I don't know how much he is participating. I am not sure whether or not he has had an actual affair but I am feeling like he has. I do not trust him and I think he is being selfish. We have 3 kids and I am always left alone with him while he is gone and instead of thinking about us he is out looking for strippers. The worst part about it is how sincere he seems when he tells me how much he loves me. He definately has a porn addiction,he watches movies whenever he is home alone,and at one point looked at it on the internet everyday. I am ready to leave him. I feel like he does not love me and only cares for his own sexual pleasure.

Hello, and welcome to my life. Only thing is, lucky girl I am, he also had a thing for hookers, crack whores, and anyone else who would let him..<p>1. Do not have sex with him without protection.<p>2. Do not have sex with him without protection.<p>3. Please honey, whatever you do, do not have sex with him without protection.<p>4. Call your OB/GYN and talk to the nurse, tell her that you have reason to believe that your husband may have been unfaithful. They will be very kind, and get you in for an appointment as soon as one is available.<p>5. When you are at the doctors make sure that he knows your husband may have been unfaithful. You need to be tested for several things. Even if the doctor says all that isn't necessacary, it is.<p>6. You should be tested for HIV, Syphilis, Hepatitis, through a simple blood draw. They will not give you the results for HIV over the phone, if your nurse is cool like mine, she will tell you that when she calls with syph and hep results she will either say - come to the office, or don't need to come to the office. <p>I am not trying to scare you or upset you, but as a wife that got something icky from her "wonderful" husband please get tested.<p>I am really not into going over my whole story here again, I've done it so many times. <p>It sucks though. It is the worst thing to go through.<p>Email me, and we can talk, I have UNLIMITED cell minutes so, if you ever have the chance to talk privately it might be fun.<p>Or just email me and we can talk that way. These people around here know my sad story, and I'd hate to rain on their parade one more time.<p>I hope you are ok, I know how it feels, I wish I could fix it for you.<p>Elizabeth<p>Oh look! You made me cry! I feel so bad when I see a post like this. It brings up so much bad stuff, yet I am hopeful that I can maybe help someone out who is in the same sad situation.

kgirl:<p>I am linking some (and only some) of the recent threads about use of porn by Hs mostly written by Ws who do not agree to its use. These were all active threads in the past 30 days, and it pretty much shows an average month on this bulletin board in terms of the Ms that have been affected by the habitual use of porn.<p>
Emotional Needs:<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=008199<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=008333<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=008208<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=8&t=008326<p>
Other topics<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=5&t=001717<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=5&t=001866<p>
In Recovery<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=31&t=006252<p>
General Questions II<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=015773<p>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=37&t=016281<p>
I thought you might want to read through what a large number of people have to say about porn, how it has affected their families, what they have done about the H's porn addiction and how concerned to be about the children in the family.<p>There are not scientific writings, but they clearly show that many people are, have been, and will struggle with many of the same issues that you are dealing with. One of those people is me, but there are others who are far more knowledgeable. I would encourage you to read the past threads and replies of those who have walked (or still walk) in your shoes. Even if you don't find answers, you will find support, empathy and suggestions to help you cope.<p>Also, you might want to search in Negotiating in Marriage, Other Topics, and Emotional Needs for dates before the past month. I remember a series of threads a couple of months ago with discussions of some of the questions you have asked.<p>A few things appear to be clear in your thread and those are that your H's use of porn is damaging your M and that he is not going to give up his habit easily. Have you talked about going to counselling together? Sometimes it is more effective to get an addict into marriage counselling as a step to getting the addict individual counselling. At the very least, get support for yourself, counselling and a support group of women affected by their Hs use of porn.<p>You are not alone.<p>Keep reading and asking questions.<p>Hugs,
TAA

Try these sites for help too okay?<p>www.firesofdarkness.com<p>www.pureintimacy.org<p>
www.focusonthefamily.org<p>and for God's rest: try www.kingschapel.org (really neat Bible Studies)<p>Seriously this is a major problem. I let it go thinking it was a phase and now, it is a major problem...Check those sites out...the book "An Affair of the Mind" or "Internet Addictions" are on the Focus on the Family site...God Bless you...I understand your pain...my husband is at the point where he is hiding email boxes and chatting and lying and not wanting sex at all...it hurts so bad.<p>Lynn [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 22, 2002: Message edited by: thebestwife ]</p>