That is the Q my therapist asked me today... I had a hard time answering... not because I wouldn't miss him... but I couldn't pick out the 'most' important thing I would miss... [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I said...<p>1. our sharing of thoughts and ideas...
2. passionate SF
3. shared parenting... the joys & the trials
4. HIM...
HIM
HIM
HIM
HIM
HIM<p>Asking what I would miss about him would be like asking what I would miss about my right arm...<p>Cali

Cali,<p>I miss his smile, and the way his face crinkles up when he laughs. That is the man that I married!!<p>Really don't know if I miss much about the man he has become.<p>Dawn [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]

I'd miss love - the way I love her and the way she used to love me (although she claims she never stopped). She's the only romantic love I've ever known. She was my first and only everything - date, lover, soulmate. I honestly think if she left I'd be alone for a very long time. I'd also miss the family we have, which has literally been my reason for living. <p>We're at D-day + 6 weeks, and based on everything I've read here and elsewhere, we seem to be way ahead of schedule in our recovery. I hope the bubble doesn't burst, because I believe we're supposed to be together forever. I promised her years ago that I'd go to hell and back for her if I had to - guess that's what I'm doing now.

Dawn... what made it harder to answer was that she got very specific... made it about who he is NOW... not who I remember him to be...<p>Cali

shattered... isn't that the truth... I miss that too... the 'easiness' of it all...<p>but then, for me... it was all based on my assumptions... so it wasn't really 'true.'<p>Somedays it feels like it used to feel... only now I 'know' it doesn't really mean anything... <p>Glad to hear you are doing well in recovery... don't 'expect' bumps... but be prepared for them...<p>Hugs,
Cali

Cali,<p>You guys are doing so well in the recovery (unless I missed a post) I am sure that there are things that he is doing and becoming that you would miss. Perhaps he hasn't displayed them long enough for you to believe in them yet.<p>My WH would always have the same smile and his eyes would crinkle when he laughs, no matter what I would (will) miss those things.

no, dawn, you haven't missed a post...<p>...and I think a more fair statement would be that I am doing well in recovery... not sure I can same the same for H... were still in negotiation over what it all means...<p>But, what I do have is more 'real, honest and true' than what we had before... so I guess that's a good thing... both of us are blowing our fogs away... <p>and I think most in recovery would agree that in the beginning of recovery you're still not quite sure that is really where you are headed... but I guess I'll know if ever I get 'there.' <p>Hugs again,
Cali

Ho boy. This would be a tough one for me, because my WW's fog seems to be thickening since D-day, particularly recently, not thinning. <p>I would definitely miss her sensitivity - when she's truly selfless (and even now can be for moments), she's very sweet and lovable. <p>I would miss the good qualities of her independence - the things that show her ambitions in a good way that makes me feel like supporting her goals, not the selfish, spiteful expression of her independence I see now.<p>She has this way of smiling and looking at me that makes me melt inside, when she's being truly loving and we're close. I haven't seen much of that lately, and so I miss it now.<p>In short, I would miss lots of things my W has been and can be, but I would not miss much of who she has become recently.

Seems like you've got a few answers here from us who's WS has ALREADY left. I'm curious to hear from the ones who's WS HASN'T left. Don't wait til its gone to realize what it is. What WOULD you miss - if it was gone forever? What ARE you fighting for? WHY do you want to be married?<p>But I'll list mine too. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] <p>His smile
His laughter and silliness
Him holding me all the time (hugs, holding hands everywhere, cuddling, etc.)
The "I love you"'s
Sharing our lives and our stories
The strength, protection and safety I felt with him
Sharing our dreams and goals - talking about them - working towards them
Dates
Watching movies together
Traveling together<p>[ March 21, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

He is gone, and know what? I'm fine. I thought I'd miss the company, and the companionship, but I was wrong.<p>I have so much more time and energy now. The kids and I play together, I have friends and family to call when I feel a little lonely, and I don't get yelled at anymore.<p>I don't feel half as lonely as I thought I would, and the funny thing is, I really enjoy the quiet time I get occasionally.<p>Now of course, don't take this as an encouragement to leave, every situation is different. I just wanted to let people know that I didn't shrivel up and die when he left like I thought I would.<p>Elizabeth

I'd miss:<p>1. The way we just "fit" together...when it comes to SF, holding each other, whatever. Even now I still feel so secure wrapped up in him and he tells me the same
2. Passionate SF...no boundaries, no limits, sometimes fun, sometimes love, sometimes exercise, sometimes everything [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]
3. His beautiful eyes that say so much
4. The way we just "know" each other...we both have gut feelings about each other that are almost always right, when we let our guards down, we truly are "connected"
5. How I can be myself with him...everything from completely serious to an immature school girl
6. His laughter
7. The way he plays with our son
8. The cute way he worries about me and our little boy without trying to act worried
9. Our morning showers before work
10. Tickling each other and contagious laughter late at night in bed
11. His infatuation with cutting the grass
12. The way he brushes my back when he walks by
13. The way he stares at my butt while I'm putting make up on in front of the vanity [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]
14. The way he makes me smile
15. The funny way he looks in the morning when he walks around in his t-shirt, briefs, and socks pulled up, waiting for his pants to get "unwrinkled" in the dryer.
16. The way he giggles when I pull on the stray hair leftover where his hair is receding
17. buzzing his hair and making goofy designs on his head and threatening to leave it that way!
18. Dancing in the dark at home...when we're really not dancing, but hugging each other tight
19. The way he teases me about silly things that come out of my mouth and how he laughs when I tease him for the same reason
20. AND THE NUMBER ONE THING I'D MISS ABOUT HIM....the way he balances me and helps me "Let go"<p>There is so much more....

I just want to say that reading these has made me cry. It makes me realize what I have and how much I want to hold on to it. My heart goes out to all of you.
1ste[

Okay Faith1, you'll coerced me into responding [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Actually, this is a question that SnL has asked me several times in various forms. Can't remember if I was ever able to give a good answer. I have trouble doing this in the form of a simple list.<p>My W is the fabric of my life. She is the heart and soul of our family. I follow her lead in everything (just about). She dragged me kicking and screaming into real life... and it was worth it. I wouldn't be the father I am without her. I knew that's what she would do for me when I married her. I knew that she would complete me and make me into more than I was capable of being alone.<p>If she left (or I left) all that would evaporate. I would be alone and probably stay that way for the simple reason that I just wouldn't have the energy to go looking. I am happy being alone. Being alone is easy. I was lucky to find her and those circumstances (college) are not likely to be repeated.<p>Truly, I would miss SF with her (well, already miss that), the way we fit together like spoons as we fall asleep, ... holding her hand. Those would be the things that I would think about, but it would be the change in the fabric of my life that would have the biggest effect on me. I think I would become kinda disconnected and inward looking...<p>I guess I'm saying that I like the way I am with her and while I could survive without her I would be "smaller" in many ways.<p>To use an analogy: she stretches me beyond my comfort zone. Initially this is uncomfortable, then you get used to it and it feels good and you are "better" than you were. More flexible, more adaptable, able to do more and experiencing more.<p>Jeffers

He's still here, but in body only.
These are the things I miss while living under the same roof.<p>1. His smile and laughter
2. His sense of humor
3. Hearing his plans for the future and his ideas on how to make them happen. (I never thought I would miss that)
4. Kissing him goodbye in the morning and hello in the evening.
5. Cuddling, laying my head on his lap or the other way around.
6. Reaching over and putting my hand on his thigh while we drive.
7. Making weekend plans, going out at night.
8. Sharing his day with him. Letting him vent to me about work. Hearing of his success and failures. Talking about mine. ( I should have done this better)
9. Sleeping together.
10. The knowledge that everything was going to be all right because we knew we loved each other, we knew we were specail, we knew it would be different for "us".

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Okay Faith1, you'll coerced me into responding [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <hr></blockquote><p>Yikes! Is that anything like "manipulation" and "control"? [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] Just kiddin [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'm glad you resonded Jeffers. Your response is wonderful. <p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>My W is the fabric of my life. ... I knew that she would complete me and make me into more than I was capable of being alone. <hr></blockquote><p>I love that [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] . <p>Thanks for the thread, Cali. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]<p>[ March 21, 2002: Message edited by: Faith1 ]</p>

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by justthewife:
<strong>He is gone, and know what? I'm fine. I thought I'd miss the company, and the companionship, but I was wrong.<p>I have so much more time and energy now. The kids and I play together, I have friends and family to call when I feel a little lonely, and I don't get yelled at anymore.<p>I don't feel half as lonely as I thought I would, and the funny thing is, I really enjoy the quiet time I get occasionally.<p>Now of course, don't take this as an encouragement to leave, every situation is different. I just wanted to let people know that I didn't shrivel up and die when he left like I thought I would.<p>Elizabeth</strong><hr></blockquote><p>Me either. I am happier now, than I have been for the last 3 yrs. If you do come to the end of the line, it does not have to be the end of the world.<p>Now what I miss most.....is the money. I don't do poor well. If I think on memories I miss the man my STBX was but I don't miss who he is now at all.

Hey Faith1,<p>Thanks for the response to my response... (LOL).<p>I'm very easy to manipulate. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I absolutely love posts like this (homework??) and I follow them closely. <p>No kidding, I really did respond only because of your comment. I went and thought a little more and something crystalized for me. I realized that it was something that might be interesting and beautiful. I'm glad you liked it. It made me feel good to finally be able to put it into words. I've tried to say the same thing to SnL several times but never quite succeeded in making my point.<p>After I posted I realized something else: I had done something positive. Many posts (and questions posed) are about the negative aspects of A's/spouses/situations... This one made me think of something good! Besides, I was hoping to fool y'all into thinking that males might have a sensitive side. [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I too, want to thank Cali (thanks!). This turned out to be a nice thread with lots of interesting responses. <p>On a related note, this got me thinking about "The Passionate Marriage" by David Schnarch that's been recommended here in several threads of late. The reviews from Amazon say that Schnarch views marriage as a "crucible" for personal growth. I've realized that my marriage made me grow and I still have much growing yet to do. Marriage isn't about standing still and just being who I am. --> I'm ordering that book right now.<p>Jeffers

[img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] --> Jeffers <p>Cali? You still around? Did we do what you intended with this? [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img]

Great question.. I was reminded the other morning what a wonderful man I'm married to, even with his faults..<p>What would I miss if H would have left? At the time of discovery.. not much. I'm looking at what we had and trying to get it back.<p>1. His smile.. He has dimples.. Gotta love 'em!
2. His cologne
3. The way we finish each others sentences.
4. The way he knows when something is bothering me.
5. The way he kisses my neck.
6. SF
7. How we play.. He's a big kid at heart
8. Monday, Thusday and Sat night wresting.. (Wouldn't be the same without him.)
9. The way he is always caressing me, holding, or kissing me.
10. His tongue.. You asked! <eg>
11. How deeply connected we are after SF
12. The gifts, roses etc for no reason
13. How we talk for hours at a time, sometimes about nothing
14. His kind heart
15. His encouragement and support
16. How he talks in his sleep
17. All his annoying faults
Aww heck, I can go on for days. But most importantly is how we complete each other. We are each others right arms. When we are working together and happy we are a hell of a team!!!<p>Thank you again for reminding me.. I'm off to give H a kiss..