I decided to start on a new thread bcos i feel like i am beginning a new chapter in my life. It has been almost a week now since i have been truly honest with myself and H, have not faltered once esp since i have had to go back to work at the office, i have not had the ugr or temptation to call OM or have even thought about him. Its still early stages, yes, and i am aware of that...i am also aware that everyday is a new day with new opportunites and i have been looking at each day as another day to work on myself and my M. i never did that before...i was too concerned about my own selfish needs and fulfilling them.<p>It looks like there is a long and winding road ahead for H and me but i am ready and waiting to take charge of my life now. I am beginning to realise that i am sick and that i do need help and instead of wanting help only bcos i need the attention (like i have done before) i want help bcos i want to get better and have a better life with my H and my M. With the recent development where H found out that he has to come back to S'pore to work, even after all the embarrassment and heartache that i have put him through, we talked about it and this is what we have decided upon so far....
We will leave for Canada end of this month, spend a couple of months there, we will come back here and then 3 months later, we will move on to his next destination of work. Now in the event that a lot more healing has been done and we have had all this time together and we have got closer, i will stay in Canada instead of travelling with him...during which time i will tend to the home and possibly even learn how to drive! (yes, i am probably the only one here who doesnt drive [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] ) In any case, i am so looking forward to breathing fresh air and starting a brand new life with my H. I can also feel that it will be a culture shock for me bcos i have lived in S'pore for all my life, done some travelling but this has always been my safe haven. It has also been my domain for my compulsive behaviour....of which i am glad to kiss goodbye.
Oh btw, H keeps reminding me that i should work real hard on working this out and working myself out bcos in the event that anything goes wrong, he will look elsewhere and have an A bcos he can be a revengeful person....he wasnt LBing....he was just giving me a simple reminder to keep me on track....yeah well, he shouldnt say that to many times bcos i dont want that to be my motivation to work on myself. My motivation has to come from within....from the dark recesses of my dark and manipulative mind.<p>So wish me luck guys that it will all work out for us and pray that although we will run into many a problem throughout the relocation and the travelling, that we realise one thing....we are still together and that love will prevail!<p>ps: i am going for my 3rd counselling session tomorrow! i know its not a big deal to those of you who have been seeing IC for a while now. But to me, its still very new and i find it strange that i look forward to it.....
