Hello everyone:<p>Sometimes I feel like our marriage doesn't have a future.
My husband will not stop contacting his girlfriend by Email or by phone. It looks like he will not go see her because she has a cancer and don't feel very good and will not live more then 3 months.
I accepted it. What else can I do. But this morning I accidentally logged on to msn messenger by my husband's logging name and I saw a message from another woman saying : "Charles, you are a good man, lets meet sometime" Also I found out that my husband called her once. I asked him about it and he agreed that he will not talk to her anymore. We logged on again to msn and talked to that woman. My husband said that I saw all their conversations and don't want them to talk anymore. He said also that he wants to keep our marriage and he have to stop contacting her.
But after this accident I don't know what to think.
What is it all about? Why a man would want another affair after an affair???
He sais he just wants to have friends.
When I asked him to delete her telephone number from wherever he has it he said Ok but he cann't delete it with me looking.
He said that he doesn't want me to see the telephone number, so he will delete it when I am not looking. This is rediculus. Later he said that he deleted it. But how I can belive him.
Do I have to now whole my life watch his back?<p>Also he says that he doesn't want to talk about working on our marriage (I suggested him to reed "marriagebuilders" books and have a telephone session with dr. Harley or anybody else here) until I reed the book about "open marriage".
He says he wants me to understand his philosophy.<p>I don't know is it worthy to save this marriage and then worry whole my life if he is involved with somebody.

Sorry to say, it does not sound like he is willing to change. He sounds like a cake man to me and that is very normal in the unwilling WS. They want what is best in both relationships and yes, that can wear you down to nothing. Only problem is that they do not commit to either person wholeheartedly. Not a way I recommend anyone to live. <p>I have come to the conclusion that my WS will never change either. He has repeatedly come to be in the last few months and wants our marriage back but I am not sure what he really wants back. He does not seem to want to be with me so I am resigning myself to move forward without him. If I ever see any change or REAL proof of him turning away from behavior that is unhealthy for him and those he loves, I may try to work things out but I am loosing desire to work on anything and my feelings are slowly dying.<p>Also he says that he doesn't want to talk about working on our marriage (I suggested him to reed "marriagebuilders" books and have a telephone session with dr. Harley or anybody else here) until I reed the book about "open marriage".<p>Without openness and honesty there is no hope of recovery. The suspecting and not knowing will destroy any trust and keep it from growing. I would not be able to agree to this at all. There could never be any awareness of what keeps the marriage from not working. My WS is trying to tell me the same thing....how classic the whole game is. They really think they are into something unique for them and it is the same old game with the same old rules. UGH<p>Keep learning about yourself and what you need to be the best for yourself and those you love. There is so much wisdom from all these people and from counselors who know what is really happening that it will give you support and great information to make good decisions.<p>TW

Sometimes people do change. <p>The whole open marriage thing is a crock though. The whole purpose of marriage is that it is closed, you are faithful and till death do us part. The last thing people should do these days is consider an open marriage. Have you discussed the open marriage/AIDS issue? Might want to bring that one up.<p>Keep your chin up. Miracles happen.<p>Elizabeth