Not sure what to say. Too tired to write about it. Same song, different verse. Can't focus at work. Too tired to reply to posts - same old thing everywhere.<p>In a nutshell.
My H lied for 3 months.
I found out.
6 months of weekly counseling he shows up but does very little work.
He doesn't believe in revisiting childhood issues.
Our marriage is failing.
I try to calmly communicate - no change in him.
I consistantly try in love to communicate - no change in him.
I start talking separation - no change in him.
I set a date for separation - no change in him.
I tell him I am detaching and why - no change in him.
I refuse to work on the marriage - he attempts a small change.
I refuse to work on the marriage - he attempts a small change.
I refuse to work on the marriage - he is radically changing - wants to talk about childhood issues, apply marriage techniques.<p>I'm just too tired to do it now. Feel like this marriage is sucking the life out of me. Look at my signature line threatening separation and divorce is the ONLY way to get a response from him. <p>But he will go back to the way he always does or will he?... that is the question.

I LNprotect Me,
As a WH I can say that after awhile we can just become "numb" to what is happening around us.It just doesn't seem to matter. My W speaks of the same exhaustion you talk about. There was a post in GQII or Recovery yesterday that had 30some principles from the Divorcebusters site. They might be of interest to you.
Brw

brw! I was gonna say the same thing...<p>luvNprotect... try solutions-based counseling... Weiner-Davis discusses it in Divorce Remedy... <p>also--though a bit new-agey... Susan Page's new book "If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy" also discusses ways to move on w/out digging up all the old junk...<p>Cali

Thanks for replying brw. <p>I posted that list. That list assumes I want to work on the marriage and I am not sure I do.

Luv'n'Protect<p>I feel your exhaustion...<p>Some days you just wonder if it's all worth it...<p>I am so tired of this...<p>Some days it's all I can do to reply to a post here...<p>It seems like ages since I was happy about anything....I sure would like to feel happy again...<p>Hang in there <p>E

I know how that feels, to have the life sucked out of you.<p>The kids sick, the husband an @ss, your folks getting on your case, work a mess, house a mess, and there is nothing you can do but think about curling up into a ball and crying.<p>The thing to remember is that it is a temporary condition, it will end, it can't last forever.<p>I promise.<p>Elizabeth

I LuvNprotect ME:<p>Hey, are you talking about my H or yours? Or maybe they are idential twins separated at birth.<p>The latest in our saga also resulted from H's lies, which I found out about. I fall into a deep depression (having just crawled out of the reactive one from his A) and completely detach. H wants to go back to MC, wants to make things right, converts to MB, wants to do anything to keep me in the M. I don't know whether I even want this M, but for months I am simply too depressed to make any kind of decision.<p>Now I am just too exhausted, actually maybe even beyond exhausted. Have a look over on In Recovery at the 'monster thread', if you want, for the details.<p>This M is sucking the life out of me, has already sucked most of what I liked about my life out of me. He might resort to lies again, as he apparently has our entire relationship (unknown to me until his A and d-day 19 months ago). I don't know if I want to work at this M, but I do know that if he lies again, I will end it for good. Otherwise, all that I know is that I am just plain exhausted.<p>A truckload of hugs to you,<p>OneDay<p>[ March 21, 2002: Message edited by: OneDay ]</p>

Luvand protectme! yOUR name says it all! take charge and take care of you, your sun will come up! Mine has been up and down and I am soooo tired of it being down, that I got back up again today and it feels GOOD! I meanGOOOOD! Take care of you, it lookds like your strategy is working, have you read,... love must be tough? excellent by james dobson, I am reading it , and it is an awakening to not taking the crap! you go girl@ we have this life, and we deserve happiness, you have remarried your betraying h, and I assume he promised to be better h this time around? well, show me the money honey@! you tell him!<p>take care of you!<p>H

Thanks for all the replies. I am much better today. We had a talk last night. <p>I told him how frustrating it is with the way
I have to threaten divorce/separation to get any kind of response from him. He opened up a lot about a lot of his childhood issues. I told him we have been talking about getting that out for 6 months and he had nothing to say except how perfect his childhood was. He said he just didn't believe it before and now he does. It is hard for me to assure him that I am committed to this marriage cause I am not. He does a lot of nice things for me (especially lately cause of
the craziness of the threat) I told him what would be nice is faithfulness and honesty - not new clothes, etc. <p>justthewife, I like this: The thing to remember is that it is a temporary condition, it will end, it can't last forever. BUT: we can't sit around and do nothing, we have to take responsibility for our lives. I am just as guilty for staying in the relationship so it is partly my fault - I allow him to treat me this way. Sometimes I dream about how peaceful it would be with NO MAN (NOT another man, NO MAN!)<p>OneDay, I read some of your saga and even replied once. I could tell we are in VERY similar situations. Our marriage counselor has me researching about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) NOT ADHD (no hyperactivity going on). The distraction of him not being able to focus on the marriage until there is a crisis is a symtom. It can be confused with Passive Aggressiveness. I will see if I can find the description and post a new thread. You may want to research it for your Husband. But the reason our counselor hasn't brought it up is because she doesn't want him to use it as an excuse - there is NO excuse for lying and unfaithfulness.<p>HONEY,
Thanks for replying. Detaching is hard. I get into a GOOD detachment mode for like 2 weeks and I am overwhelmed/smothered by him. I don't like that. I'm like just leave me alone. I don't say this but I think: Why can't you just leave me for OW instead of saying you love me and making/breaking promises. It is VERY frustrating!!! It would be soooooo easy if he was a complete A$$-----!!