Hello,
This is my first posting on the board so here it goes. I am the WS in what I hope to be our recovery. My wife has introduced me to the "policy of truth". I am trying to do my part. I have answered questions that where extremely difficult for me. I asked her if she has posted to this board and she told me she has. I asked her member name so I could read some of the things she posted. She refused to tell me what it was. This threw me for a loop. Do I make this an issue? I am only trying to understand what she is going threw. [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm the BS and I have been honest with my STBX about posting here and another website..<p>He knows my "name" and thus reads my posts and freaks out about it- especially if I get too many responses from men, etc...<p>It is as though he has turned it around and I am the one that is supposed to be accountable to him.<p>I would not make an issue out of it with her...She needs SOME place that she can go to be able to express and vent and laugh.<p>Regardless of reconciliation or divorce- she now and forever will have to walk on eggshells as it is around you- because you have betrayed her once- and could again at any time...<p>I'm sorry- the ball is in her court- and if you want to play the game- you are going to have to be honest and accountable- and let her have the upper hand for awhile..<p>As a BS- I know EXACTLY how it feels, to have tried my best to love- but to have had the foundation swept out from under me and to feel nothing but helpless...<p>Sorry if it doesn't seem fair- think long and hard about what you have done- was it fair to her?<p>ECO

LHM - you don't really need to look at her posts to see what she is going through. Read all of them. Most BS's are feeling the same things. They are hurt (more than you can imagine), confused, angry, disgusted, etc. They want to know what happened, why it happened, and how things will change for the better. <p>If you truly love her, as I suspect you do, come clean with everything now, be patient with her as she processes everything (remember, she is grieving the loss of her R with you), and do everything you can to prove to her that you will never repeat your selfish mistake. And if this site helps her get through each day, let her have that in the privacy she desires.<p>Prayers to you both as you work to renew your marriage.

Welcome, and we're glad you decided to come here and post!! [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I agree that it sounds a little "unfair" that she wants to use a policy of truth, yet she is with-holding her user name from you. BUT, please understand that it may be the best thing at this point. Communication and honesty and openness in a safe environment is very important for you 2. Ask her to share her feelings with you. You can't fix everything for her, but ask her what you CAN do.<p>Read and learn as much as you can on the MB web-site, as well as the posts here on the forums. We're here for YOU and your W, and will provide as much support as we can.

you need to understand that she needs a safe place to release fellings and emotions that you may not be ready to deal with yet. she needs a place to bounce things off of other people before coming to you. and finally she needs a place to vent and get angry without taking it out on you-give her time.

She might not want you to read her posts because the trust in your marriage has been shattered and she no longer feels safe. She needs a safe place to come and talk to others who have been through this without feeling violated.

This is a place where I can say my now x husband is a complete [censored] and I hate every cell in his body for what he has done to the kids and I.<p>This is also a place where I can say how much I wish the marriage would have worked and pound myself on the head for being an idiot sometimes.<p>This is a safe place, it is in some ways better than a shrink. You don't have to look everyone in the eye, and if you want to say I'm having a hard time getting used to having sex with my husband and all I think of during sex is what it was like when he was with her and did she make noise and did her breasts hang like mine, you can say it and then see what people have to say about your thoughts.<p>I would say that you should deal with her posting here like you would deal with her seeing a shrink. You wouldn't want to know every word that was said in that room, and it probably wouldn't do you any good to know anyway.<p>If you hang around here and read enough you will figure it out and maybe you will learn something too.<p>Let her have this one thing. Let her have a safe place.<p>Elizabeth