My H is off to Bangkok today. I now know for sure he will see ow as I saw him pack a teddy bear. I asked about it, he said he was returning it to her. I said I don't see the point, that it will all start up again.<p>Its no use. I told him I felt like my whole marriage is riding on this trip. I told him I am moving on, just trying to live my life. <p>I was so upset. I lost my cool. I was really angry. <p>I'm hurting so bad this morning. I'm a mess. I'm at work (already Friday here) a mess with red eyes. <p>This is exactly what I didn't want to happen. I didn;t want this before he goes. Now he will think of this on the trip. <p>Help, what do I do, I'm going to see him off at the airport tonight. I need to be able to control myself, but I don't seem to have control over the pain. Help HELp Help!<p>What do I do when he calls me during the holiday (he said he would) do I not answer. Do I just be brief. Someone please I need advice.

Seahorse,
My H & I separated 2 different times right before he left for California for 2 weeks.<p>You can't do anything about what you've already done...forget it. Apologize if you should.<p>Seeing him off, look good, keep your chin up, smile, wish him well. <p>Do not beg, cry, plead, snivel, beseech, bemoan, yell...or notice he's not wearing his ring...or whatever triggers you right then.<p>Put on a iron-clad brave cloak and kiss the guy goodbye with an "I love you" and "go with God/Vaya con Dios".<p>When he calls, just appreciate the calls. Don't ask about the OW...I suspect whatever you said while angry is good enough to cover. You don't have to not answer a ringing phone, but it might be good to be out a bit more than usual and vague about it if he notices. <p>Be friendly, be polite, be cordial, just don't be desperate. <p>My H came home from those trips both times and came back into the house...we had more separations, but at least I feel like I handled those trips pretty good.<p>You can be strong. You have to. It's unfair.

Thanks Lor, this is what I need, someone calm.<p>I've got eight hours to go (till I see him off). So still time to calm down. If he brings up about me being angry I will apologize, if he dosen't I might let it go. <p>I will be my best. I need to learn to bite my tongue, control my emotions, damn it. I will talk to my counsellor on monday about it, but if anyone has any tips they're more than welcome!

Your whole marriage isn't riding on this trip unless you let it. Just try and relax a bit, and hope that the teddy bear return is nothing but that.<p>Being in the midst of all this is not fun, I can understand how easy it is to feel ready to give up. I hope he will look at her and realize how much he is hurting you, and only think of you when he is with her.<p>You got your anger out of your system, so now just try and keep things together when you see him off. Kiss him, and tell him you love him. Smile so he remembers your beautiful smile on the flight.<p>Keep us posted, I'll say a prayer.<p>Elizabeth

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr> I will be my best. I need to learn to bite my tongue, control my emotions, damn it
<hr></blockquote><p>Exactly. Double doggone. Add in "I'm a diva" and you go girl. [img]images/icons/cool.gif" border="0[/img]

I'm sitting at the airport waiting its about 8.15, hes still in the city drinking. He rang me to tell me that I'd have to wait, so I'm drinking vodka and looking adorable. Maybe some handsom latin lover will come and take me away from here, to his hacienda in mexico, I meet his family, he begs me to be with him forever...<p>Only kidding guys, if I guy came up to me now I'd be so scared I wouldn't know what to say. I've been out of that particular market for 10years now! Nice fantasy though...<p>Actually, if I could have afew men around me when he turns up itd be handy I guess...<p>What irks me is he dosent seem to care. I know, its the fog, hurts all the same. Will update you later.

Seahorse:<p>Um... you might want to try abstaining from alchohol for a while, just to see how your attitude might be affected by it. For example, I didn't think that alchohol was a big problem for me, I like good beer, even my W isn't too worried about it, but our MC wondered if my ~12/wk might be getting to be too much, particularly if I drink them all on the weekend or something. I decided to stop altogether, mainly to show WW and C's that I have that control, but also to show WW that *she* might want to stop resorting to partying to drown her depression herself. At best, it will just put the depression off, at worst it will exacerbate it. Facing the pain hurts, but is the most productive thing to do for people like us right now. You already have this forum for quick-reply kind of help. It's literally saved me from doing stupid things many times!<p>I would also avoid fantasies about other people whisking you away from all this. When you're done fantasizing, you're back there with your problems, and that, for me, seems worse than continuing to live in the real world. I try not to think of other women romantically at all (even when my W keeps saying, "you need to find someone better"). I actually got a call from a co-worker (on the right coast, I'm on the left coast), asking very sensitively how I'm doing (she knows we're having problems, but doesn't know what they are). My W has thought for years that this gal is interested in me. Now that I'm aware it's a possibility, I'm keeping our conversation firmly rooted in friendly dialog. I won't let it go any farther, assuming she wants it to. I won't be hurtful, but I won't lead her on in any way, either. Dealing with the problems in our M is hard enough. I certainly don't need to be entertaining fantasies about "what might this be like?..." any time soon.<p>persevere!

Hi, he's went, I went out with his friends and 2long its too late, I drank quite a bit and bawled my eyes out all night. <p>I feel like I don't want to do this anymore. I've been hurting for three days now, it hurts so bad. There must be somone better out there for me. <p>I sent an sms last night to see if he arrived. I got nothing until this morning, just a short YES. He's in the fog again, so I know for sure he has seen her.<p>He's broken my heart for the last time. I deserve better than this.